Best Friends Forever part 4

    And so, Preston left the house, closed and locked the door, went in the girls’ van to go to Fireside Bowl. Preston was glad to see the girls again, and they’re all glad to see him.

Preston: Hello, ladies!

All the ladies: Hello, Preston!

Coleen: How’s it going, Dude?

Preston: Excellent! How about you ladies?

Coleen: Awesome!

Julie Cannon: Pretty good so far!

Michelle Schmidt: Excellent!

Brenda Washington: Way cool!

Renee Jones: Keeping it real!

Debbie Kahn: Great!

Coleen: So are you ready to rock’n’roll, Preston?

Preston: With you girls, you bet I am.

All the girls: Alright!

Coleen: Let’s go!

    And the van pulls away from Preston’s house and it’s on it’s way to Fireside Bowl.

Preston: Say Coleen, is Bugsi Ann coming to see this show too?

Coleen: Yes, but her parents are bringing her to see the show.

Preston: Sweet! I can’t wait to see her at the show.

Michelle: So have you been studying real hard, Preston?

Preston: Yes I have. And I also been studying the Book Of Mormon, reading my bible, and praying to God everyday.

Coleen: Cool, man! Have you also been studying about the testimonies?

Preston: Indeed, Coleen. The testimonies are the love of God. Plus, the Book Of Mormon is the word of God.

Coleen: Very good. Keep going.

Preston: Jesus Christ is the son of God. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the church of God. Joseph Smith is a prophet of God. In fact, he was the first president of the church. He saw Hevenly Father and his son Jesus Christ in the spring of 1820. And Thomas S. Monson is a true prophet of God today. How was that?

All the girls: Cool!

Coleen: And Preston, if Thomas S. Monson dies, then our senior apostle Boyd K. Packer will be our next president of The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Preston: Totally super sweet! I would like to meet the apostles someday.

Coleen: Someday you’ll meet ‘em, Preston.

Preston: Well let’s hope so.

Brenda: Do you still play your piano, and guitar, Preston?

Preston: Yes I do. I play them everyday I come home from school.

Debbie: I bet you’re really good at those things. Aren’t you, Preston?

Preston: You got it, Debbie. I’m very good.

Coleen: Maybe you’ll play in our band someday, dude.

Preston: Maybe, but I do have other plans to look forward for.

Julie: Do you plan on getting a job in the summer, Preston?

Preston: Probably. Actually my dad is helping me with that process.

Coleen: Well you have a nice family, Preston. I really like them a lot.

Preston: Why thank you, Coleen. I’m glad you like my family.

Coleen: Tell me, what does your mother do for a living?

Preston: My mom works at a clothing store downtown.

Coleen: Downtown, eh? That’s so cool!

Preston: Thank you, Coleen.

Renee: Well, y’all, we’re here.

Coleen: Yes, we’re here.

Preston: Yes, and I see a lot of people over there. Wait a minute! I hope the monster Damon Collins is not there just looking for me!

Coleen: Don’t worry about a thing, Preston. If Damon and his boys get their hands on you, we’ll be ready for them. Right, girls?

Everybody: YEAH!

    So they all parked on the side of the street of Fireside Bowl so that they can let Preston out first, then get their equiptment out of the van. Preston went out looking for Bugsi Ann Donitello. But little does Preston know that checking him out sexually for such a stupid reason was none other than the bad boy Damon “Monster” Collins, along with Jack, Ramon, and Sol.

Jack: There he is, boss. He’s in line like the rest of us.

Damon: Good. We’ll get him when we go inside the building.

Ramon: Yeah, that’s right, boss. We’ll get him for sure.

Sol: We’ll rape him and do him big time.

Damon: Yes we will. Let’s go.

    Damon, Jack, Ramon, and Sol were pushing, shoving, and rushing up over to Fireside Bowl to get their tickets just to get Preston, and the other kids were getting very annoyed with Damon and his boys. Another kid with the spikish blonde hair got pushed by Damon. He got angry and said to Damon “Hey, buddy, would you mind?!!”

Damon: (to the blonde haired kid.) Shut up, dufus, before I rip out your ears!

    But meanwhile inside the building, Preston was looking for bugsi Ann Donitello, and he found her. They were both glad to see eachother.

Preston: Hey, what’s up, Bugsi Ann?!

Bugsi Ann: Hey, Preston, How are you doing today?!

Preston: I’m doing excellent! How are you doing?

Bugsi Ann: Great! Are you here to see the Bad Ol’ Putty Tats?

Preston: Yes I am. Are you?

Bugsi Ann: Yeah, me too. Wow, there are a lot of people in here. People whom I don’t know.

Preston: Oh yeah, it does get a little crowded here in Fireside Bowl. I just hope Damon and his guys aren’t here.

Bugsi Ann: He won’t be here to hurt you. Just stay by me up front of the stage. If Damon comes anywhere near us, I’ll use the pepper spray on him. And it’s a good thing I have it with me right now.


Preston: Good. I do believe the Bad Ol’ Putty Tats are up first.

Bugsi Ann: Yes, I believe so too.

    Suddenly, the girls of the Bad Ol’ Putty Tats were setting their equiptment up on stage before they get ready to rock.
Coleen: Well I do believe we’re almost ready, girls.

Renee: I think so too, y’all.

Debbie: Don’t you think we should test our instruments to see if we’re ready?

Coleen: You’re right, Debbie. Let’s do that first after we set our equiptment.

Julie: Good call, Coleen.

Bugsi Ann: (to Preston.) Look, there they are right now! Hi, Coleen!

Coleen: Hi, Bugsi Ann!

    Coleen started testing her guitar. She did it, it was too loud. So she had to talk to the engineer.

Coleen: Excuse me, sir, my guitar is a bit too loud. Can you turn the volume down some?

    So the man turned the volume down some. Coleen tested her guitar again, and it was more like it.

Coleen: Thank you. (laughs.) Heheheheheheheheh!

Damon: (looking at Coleen strangely.) Just look at her, thinking she’s a rockstar! She’s got a lot of nerves setting her band on this stage! And they came with MY LOVER!!!

Jack: Speaking of your lover, boss, there he is up front with that Italian slinky Bugsi what’s her face.

Ramon: Yeah, she was the one who used the pepper spray on you, boss.

Sol: That Italian wench!

Damon: Well I don’t remember hearing these girls sing. We’ll wait until the show is over, when there’s nobody around him, we’ll grab him. And he is sure to be my lover.

Sol: Wow, I’ve got to hand it to you, boss. That’s a clever idea.

Ramon: Why didn’t we think of it before.

Jack: Yeah.

Damon: Because I’ve got the brains.

Jack: You sure do, boss.

Ramon: You’re a God!

Sol: You’re a hero, boss.

Damon: I know.

Preston: (turned around and looked behind him.) Oh my gosh! Bugsi Ann, it’s Damon and his guys! And they just don’t know when to quit bothering me!

Bugsi Ann: Well just stay right here with me and the girls. We’ll protect you from Damon and his men in crime.

Preston: Thank you, Bugsi Ann.

Bugsi Ann: You’re welcome.

    The girls of the Bad Ol’ Putty Tats are ready. They’ve set their equiptment up on the stage, they’ve tested their instruments, and they’re ready to rock. But first, Coleen has got to speak to everybody on the microphone.

Coleen: Hello, all of God’s children!

Everybody: Hello, Coleen!

Coleen: Are you all ready to rock’n’roll?!

Everybody: YEAH!

Damon: TAKE A HIKE, YOU FREAK!!

Coleen: How many of you came here to see The Bad Ol’ Putty Tats?!

Everybody: YEAH!

Damon, Jack, Ramon, & Sol: BOO!

Coleen: Do you all go to church on Sunday?!

Everybody: YEAH!

Coleen: And do you all accept the lord Jesus Christ as your holy saviour?

Everybody: YEAH!

Damon, Jack, Ramon, & Sol: NO!

Damon: And I wish you wouldn’t talk about this Jesus trash, you dumb broad!!

Jack, Ramon, & Sol: YEAH!!

Coleen: Alright! We’ve got a song we want to sing to you. It’s a brand new hit, and it’s on our brand new cd called “Go with God.” This song is called “Have faith, hope, and charity.” Are you all ready for this?!

Everybody: YEAH!

Damon: Take your God mess someplace else, woman!

Coleen: ONE! TWO! ONE TWO THREE FOUR!

Damon: OH HOW I HATE THIS!!!

    The girls started playing a fast paced, four count Am7TH song, and everybody is dancing to it, except for Damon, Jack, Ramon, and Sol. The four boys had very sour looks because of the song the girls played called “Have Faith, Hope, and Charity. Coleen starts off singing.

Coleen: When you’re down and out, and you’re feeling blue,
              When you think the whole world is all against you.
                You know that’s not true. Just have your faith in God,
                He will make a way when times get real odd!

All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!

Coleen: That’s the way to live successfully!

All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!

Coleen: Trusting in God is the way to be!

              When you stand up for yourself, people say you’re insane!
              When you try to do good, people make you feel ashamed!
                They tried to tell you that they’re better than you!
                But don’t you dare worry, God knows what to do!

All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!

Coleen: That’s the way to live successfully!

All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!

Coleen: Trusting in God is the way to be!

All the girls: God is the creative one around!

Coleen: He does what he could, and he ain’t no clown!

All the girls: We all have got to do his will!

Coleen: It says in the bible, so we all better chill!

All the girls: He strengthens us with his righteous right hand!

Coleen: He helps us all make a fine better plan!

All the girls: He brings us hope and a future we love!

Coleen: And the things are all sent from God from above!

    And Coleen started playing solo on her guitar, while the band still plays together. Damon started yelling at the girls like a big maniac.

Damon: JUST YOU WAIT, YOU DUMB BROADS!!! I’M GONNA GET YOU AFTER ME AND MY MEN GET OUR HOTKISS!!! DO YOU HEAR ME?!!! AND THIS GOD THING HAS GOT TO STOP RIGHT NOW!!!

Jack: YEAH, GOD IS NO GOOD!!!

Ramon: HE’S A REAL PEST!!!

Sol: JUST LIKE YOU GIRLS!!!

All the boys: YEAH!!!

    And Coleen and the girls continued singing.

Coleen: Don’t cry, my friends! Things will turn out right!
              And when you pray to God, things are out of sight!
              But you’ve got to make sure that you pray everyday!
              And everytime you do, good news will come your way!

All the girls: Have faith, hope and charity!

Coleen: That’s the way to live successfully!

All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!

Coleen: Trusting in God is the way to be!

All the girls: God is the creative one around!

Coleen: He does what he could, and he ain’t no clown!

All the girls: We all have got to do his will!

Coleen: It says in the bible, so we all better chill!

All the girls: He strengthens us with his righteous right hand!

Coleen: He helps us all make a fine better plan!

All the girls: He brings us hope and a future we love!

Coleen: And the things are all sent from God from above!

All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!

Coleen: That’s the way to live successfully!

All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!

Coleen: Trusting in God is the way to be!

All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!

Coleen: That’s the way to live successfully!

All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!

Coleen: Trusting in God is the way to be!

All the girls: Have faith, hope, and charity!

Coleen: That’s the way to live successfully!

All the girls: Have faith, hope and charity!

Coleen: Trusting in God is the way to be!

Everybody: (including the girls.) How do we know, the bible tells us so!

Coleen: One more time!

Damon: FORGET IT!!!

Everybody: How do we know, the bible tells us so!

Coleen: OH YEAH!

    And the song was over, everybody clapped and cheered for the Bad Ol’ Putty Tats.

Preston: Coleen, you girls are the best!

Bugsi Ann: Yeah, we’ve been routing for you all the way!

    So the girls took a bow for the good audience because they liked it, except for Damon and his three gay stooges, Jack, Ramon, and Sol.

Damon: BOO!!! YOU GIRLS SUCK!!!

Jack, Ramon, & Sol: YEAH!!!

Preston: (to Bugsi Ann. That was great, wasn’t it, Bugsi Ann?

Bugsi Ann: Yes, it sure was, Preston.

Preston: We should have more Christian bands like the Bad Ol’ Putty Tats. What do you think?

Bugsi Ann: Yes, we should. Oh, I have to use the bathroom real quick. Could you save my spot for me please, Preston?

Preston: You have my word, as long as I am close to you girls.

Bugsi Ann: Absolutely. I’ll be right back.

Preston: Okay.

    And Bugsi Ann went to use the ladies room. And while Preston was upfront on stage saving Bugsi Ann’s spot, Damon and his bad boys were getting ready to make their move to get Preston.

Damon: Okay, fellows. Now!

Jack, Ramon, and Sol: Right!

    So the four nuts pushed other people without saying excuse me just to get Preston. Damon covered Preston’s eyes so that Preston can think it’s Bugsi Ann Donitello.

Preston: Hahahahahahahahahaha! I know it’s got to be you, Bugsi Ann. You sure made it out of the bathroom really fast.

Damon: It’s not Bugsi Ann, Hotkiss.

Preston: (frightened.) Damon?!

Damon: (opened Preston’s eyes.) That’s right, loverboy!

Jack, Ramon, & Sol: (to Preston.) Hello, Hotkiss, remember us?

Preston: Get away from me you homosexual losers!! I don’t want to have nothing to do with you guys!! LET GO OF ME!! COLEEN!!! BUGSI ANN!!! HELP ME!!!

Damon: Sorry, Hotkiss, but you’re with the men now.

Preston: LET GO, I SAID!!! THERE IS NO WAY I’M GONNA BE WITH YOU GUYS!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Damon: Let’s send him to our van, men!

Jack, Ramon, and Sol: YEAH!

Preston: NO!!!

    And they took Preston out of Fireside Bowl to their beat up green 1979 Ford van. When Bugsi Ann came out of the bathroom, she was looking for Preston, and she saw the gay men take Preston away. So Bugsi Ann went backstage and told Coleen and the girls.

Bugsi Ann: Coleen, come quick!

    Coleen and the girls ran over to Bugsi Ann while they were putting their stuff away.

Coleen: What’s going on, Bugsi Ann?

Bugsi Ann: Those creepy gay guys have gotton our friend Preston Nickleson, and they’re taking off with him right now!

Coleen: Damon! Well we’re gonna hurry up and get him! (to the girls.) Come on, girls! Those creepy guys have got Preston! So let’s make it snappy!

All the girls: YEAH!

Bugsi Ann: No time to waste! Let’s go!

Preston: LET GO OF ME, YOU JERKS!!! May God have mercy on all of your souls-------------

Damon: SHUT UP!!! I don’t want to hear this God trash!! It’s disgusting!! So no more of that! Okay, loverboy of mine?

Preston: I AM NOT YOUR LOVERBOY, AND YOU CREEPS NEED TO GO TO CHURCH!!! HELP!!! SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!!

    And the evil gay guys threw Preston into that green van, locked the doors, and went into the van themselves and started the engine.

Preston: I swear to you! You guys won’t get away with this!

Damon: SHUT UP, I SAID!!! We’re going as far away from them girls as possible to my house so that we can marry you, make love to you and have sex with you all night and all day, and we don’t have to worry about school ever again for the rest of our lives. What do you say, Hotkiss?

Preston: Don’t call me Hotkiss!! I say “That sounds absolutely retarded!!”

Damon: (to Jack.) Start driving faster, Jack!

Jack: Right, boss!

    And they all drove out of Fireside Bowl with Preston, and the girls went into their van with Bugsi Ann to rescue Preston from those gay guys.

Bugsi Ann: There they are, Coleen! And they’re taking the Kennedy Expressway heading northwest!

Coleen: Well they’re not gonna get far when we’re on the move! Right, girls?

All the girls: Right!

    So the girls started chasing the gay guys to the Kennedy Expressway heading northwest.

Jack:  Hey boss, I see trouble.

Damon: What’s up, Jack?

Jack: It’s those girls, and they’re right on our tale!

    Coleen started doing a police siren act going “WOOOOOOOOOOOW!! WOOOOOOOOOOOW!! Then she started doing a policeman act to the evil gay guys.

Coleen: (as a voice of a policeman.) Stop right there in the green Ford van!! You all are under arrest!!

Damon: That’s no cop’s voice, it’s that freak Coleen what’s her face from the Bad Ol’ Putty Tats! Let’s get our guns and shoot them down!

    So the bad gay guys got their guns out and started shooting at the girls, but they missed.

Coleen: Holy cow!! They’ve got guns and they’re shooting at us!! Time for us to pull over to the side!

    So the girls pulled over to the side of the freeway, and Damon and his boys started laughing.

Damon: There! That’ll teach those nosy Betties to mind their own business! They can’t take our Hotkiss away from us! Right, gang?

Jack, Ramon, & Sol: YEAH! Absolutely!

Damon: (to Preston.) And what do you say, Hotkiss?

Preston: Don’t call me hotkiss! That’s very inappropriate! I think you guys need to get help! I don’t know why you guys want to rape me for just sex when you guys don’t even know me! I never said I wanted all of you to be my lovers! I never asked for that from any of you! What does it take for you guys to mind your own business, and stop raping me like this?

Damon: (angry.) SHUT UP, DUMMY!!! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOUR MOUTH!!! You’re coming with us because you’re gonna be mine, not the girls’! And if you talk to us about that Jesus, God, and the Book of Mormon trash just once more, we’ll KILL YOU!!!

Preston: I don’t know why you guys don’t want to go to church at all! Why do you want me?

Sol: He said, you’re gonna be his lover, stupid!! So just hush, or you’re gonna get it good!!

All the men: Yeah!!

    But meanwhile still over to the side and not going anywhere, the girls from the Bad Ol’ Putty Tats were still thinking of a way to save Preston from those bad gay guys.

Debbie: Gee, Coleen. How are we gonna save Preston from those nasty gay guys? Don’t they know that being gay is a very selfish sin against God?

Coleen: Well little do they know that I’ve got a map thingy that I bought for my van. I know exactly where they’re going, and now I know where they live.

All the girls: Where?!

Coleen: They live in that old beat up house on North Laporte Avenue. Their house number is 312.

Julie: But they’ve got weapons. Remember, Coleen?

Coleen: Well little do they know that I’ve got a little something up my sleeves myself, but we’re all gonna do this together because I can’t do this alone.

Bugsi Ann: Well we can do so now while there still time left!


Coleen: Yeah, you’re right, Bugsi Ann. Let’s go, grrrls!

All the girls: YEAH!

    But before they went off again, the police stopped them again, and it’s a beautiful, sexy, big, tall, attractive police woman with olive skin, high cheekbones, long brunette hai, and a deep low voice and she’s Italian. Her name is Diane Hermosillo.

Diane Hermosillo: (to Coleen.) Can I please see your drivers license?

    Then Coleen gave Diane her driver’s license. Diane rushed to her police car, and checked it out in her computer.

Michelle: Now what, Coleen?

Coleen: I don’t know, Michelle. I just don’t know.

    Diane got done checking Coleen’s license out. So she went back to Coleen’s van.

Diane: (to Coleen.) Do you realize how fast you girls were going?

Coleen: Look, Officer, we’ve got a major crisis in our hands, and we’re in a hurry!

Diane: And what’s that?

Renee: We’re on our way to save a fellow named Preston Nickleson from a bunch of evil gay guys!

Bugsi Ann: And we haven’t too much time! No telling what those creepy gay guys are doing with him!

Diane: Preston Nickleson?! (And Diane slapped her left cheek real good and hard across her face and grunted!) UNH!! I know that kid! I used to babysit him when he was little, and I was just a teenager then before I became a cop! Preston was a good and smart kid, and I really liked him a lot! (She gave Coleen her license back.) Here! Here’s your license back! Which way did those gay monsters go?

Coleen: Just follow us, Officer!

Diane: Say, hold on a minute. You girls are the Bad Ol’ Putty Tats, aren’t ya?

Debbie: Yes we are.

Diane: I see all of your concerts here in Chicago all the time. What are your names?

Coleen: I’m Coleen Madrazzo.

Julie: I’m Julie Cannon.

Michelle: I’m Michelle Schmidt.

Brenda: I’m Brenda Washington.

Renee: I’m Renee Jones.

Debbie: And I’m Debbie Kahn.

Bugsi Ann: And I’m Bugsi Ann Donitello. I’m not really part of their band. I’m just a friend of theirs.

Diane: Well nice to meet all of you. I’m Officer Diane Hermosillo.

Bugsi Ann: So you must be Italian too like I am.

Diane: Yes, I am Italian. I’m also part Lithuanian. So are we ready to go save Preston, or what, ladies?

All the girls: YEAH!

Diane: Well then let’s go!

Coleen: Right! Just follow us, Diane!

    And Diane and the girls finally took off on the expressway to rescue Preston from the gay guys.

    But meanwhile over at 312 Laporte Avenue at an old beat up house, Damon, Jack, Ramon, and Sol had finally got Preston.

Preston: You guys will not get away with this, I’m telling you the truth! You just wait ‘til my girls get you!

Damon: SHUT UP!!! Those girls are not gonna get us! We’ve got six security dogs guarding our hideout up front along with a big fence telling everyone to keep out! We’re gonna marry you, Hotkiss, you’re gonna be our wife, and we’re gonna be your husbands. You’re gonna do what we say from now on. Plus, we’re gonna have sex with you all night and all day everyday of the week. We don’t want you talking about girls, and we don’t want you talking about Jesus and God. Because if you ever do those things, and if you even think about getting away from us when you know that we love you, and dream about you every night, we’ll kill you. You will stay with us forever, and do what we tell you. Do you hear me, Hotkiss?

Preston: Don’t call me Hotkiss. My name is Preston.

Damon: Excuse me? Oh, one more thing. If you talk back to us, say that stupid name Preston, or all that other junk like that as well, we will kill you dead. And you don’t want to die young, do you, Hotkiss?

Preston: No.

Damon: Good. First off, you’re gonna strip for us. We will play some Ludacris for you, and you will dance and strip for us.

Preston: What?!!

Damon: You heard me!! Dance and strip for us now!! Or we’ll let you have it big time!!

Sol: Do you want me to play the CD now, boss?

Damon: Yes!! Do it!!

    And Sol played some Ludacris on the CD player, but Preston was not stripping. He stood there angry at Damon and his guys.

Damon: (to Preston.) COME ON, DUMMY!!! WE HAVEN’T GOT ALL DAY!!! WE WANT TO HAVE SEX SO GET TO IT!!!

Preston: NO!!!

Damon: (shooting at him with his gun.) STRIP FOR US!!! STRIP FOR US NOW!!! I MEAN IT!!! (He stopped shooting at Preston and talked to Sol.) Sol, start the song over. Hotkiss is not cooperating with us at all.

Sol: Right you are, boss.

    But before Sol started the song over, the girls from the Bad Ol’ Putty Tats, Bugsi Ann Donitello, and Officer Diane Hermosillo crashed the guys’ nasty party in the windows to rescue Preston.

Coleen: It’s over, Damon! You and your men give yourselves up now!

Damon: (angry.) Do you dumb darlas have a problem?!! HUH?!! DO YOU LADIES HAVE A PROBLEM?!!! HE’S MINE!! AND I DON’T WANT YOU LADIES TAKING HIM AWAY FROM US, UNLESS YOU WANT TO CRUISE FOR A BRUISE!!! GET OUT OF HERE, YOU BIMBOS!!!

Diane: Sir, we’ve heard that you’ve been harassing Preston Nickleson into your own sexbot for the guys and not the girls. You know that’s a crime.

Damon: I said he’s MINE!!! Now GET OUUUUUUUUUUUTTT!!! Or we shall be forced to hammer your bones in!!

Preston: Diane Hermosillo! Is that really you as a cop?

Damon: SHUT UP, HOTKISS!!! You don’t ever talk to girls again, unless you want to die young right here and now!!

Bugsi Ann: Hey, you don’t ever talk to Diane that way, you monster!! (She started pointing at Diane’s direction still talking to Damon and his men.) This woman used to babysit Preston Nickleson a long time ago back when she was a teenager, and he was just a little kid!! Now let him be!! He does not want to be with you!!

Damon: Okay, that does it! That’s the last straw!! GET ‘EM, MEN!!!

All the men: RIGHT, BOSS!

    And the boys and girls started fighting eachother, except for Preston, who just ran for cover.

    Damon grabbed Preston before he went out the door to Coleen’s van.

Damon: Where do you think you’re going, Hotkiss?!!

    And Preston punched Damon real hard across the face, Damon fell to the ground, and Bugsi Ann went up to Damon and said this to him.

Bugsi Ann: Serves you right!! You deserved it, bad boy!!

Damon: (got back up.) Not exactly what you’re gonna get when I get through with you ladies!!

    And Bugsi Ann used the pepper spray on him again.

Bugsi Ann: Take that!!

Damon: ARGH!!! Why you little creep, I can’t see!! I CAN’T SEE! OOH, I’M GONNA GET YOU!!!

    Sol tried to attack Renee Jones, but Renee was too fast for him. She did some karattee moves on him and tore that guy off.

Sol: OOH, you’re gonna be sorry you ever did that, negro!!

    Jack slapped Officer Diane Hermosillo real good and hard across the face. And Diane punched Jack out, and Jack flew into a table and broke it all.

Jack: I’ll get you, you flatfooted wench!! I’LL GET YOU!!! DO YOU HEAR ME?!!!

    Meanwhile, Damon was looking for Bugsi Ann just to fight her.

Damon: WHERE ARE YOU, YOU ITALIAN JACKASS?!!! HUH?!!! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU FREAK?!!!

    Then Coleen sneaked up behind Damon and said in a Bugsi Ann voice “Here I am!” So Damon turned around and it wasn’t Bugsi Ann. It was Coleen.

Damon: GET OUTTA HERE, YOU PUERTO RICAN JERK, OR I’LL CLOBBER YOU!!! You are Puerto Rican, aren’t you?

Coleen: No, I’m Mexican! OF COURSE I’M PUERTO RICAN!!!

Damon: THEN GET OUTTA HERE!!!

    Then Damon slapped Coleen’s face hard. Coleen grunted “UMM,” then she punched Damon across the face, and they both started fighting.

Bugsi Ann: Yeah, give it to him, Coleen! Sock him real good! He can’t hurt us!

    Then Jack grabbed Bugsi Ann by the neck, Bugsi Ann used her pepper spray on Jack’s eyes, then she kicked him sky high up on the ceiling and down to the coffee table. Damon went down the same place because Coleen kicked him.

Coleen: I’m gonna check and see if Preston’s alright!

Damon: NO YOU DON’T, YOU HOLY ROLLING PUERTO RICAN LOSER!!! YOU’RE NOT DOING NOTHING OF THAT SORT!!! GET ‘EM, MEN!!!

    And the girls went to their van to drive away from the gay guys. But the gay guys started following them in their green 1979 Ford van around the highways and bi-ways like this is an action packed movie.

Damon: Get your weapons out, men! We’re gonna kill them females dead!

Jack, Ramon, and Sol: Right, boss!

    But Officer Diane Hermosillo is chasing the gay guys on their tracks. She’s getting her CB-radio in her car, getting every policeman in Chicago to get Damon and his bad boys.

Diane: (talking through her CB-radio.) Calling all cars. Calling all cars. This is Officer Diane Hermosillo at car 67. I’m spotting a 1979 Ford van, beat up, and the color is green. Licenseplate number “Special One.” His name is Damon Collins, with three other men “Jack, Ramon, and Sol.” They’re after the Bad Ol’ Putty Tats, and their friend Preston Nickleson. Please send assistance available. Over.

Damon: (looking through his rearview mirror.) Oh that nosy cop! When will she ever learn that I love my lover “Hotkiss?”

Jack: Don’t you mean “our lover Hotkiss,” boss?

Damon: Oh yes, that’s right! Shoot the cop, men!

    So the men got their weapons out and started shooting at Officer Diane for following them, and Diane shot at them right back, but they both missed eachother. Then other police cars started following Damon and his guys.

Damon: (looking through his rearview mirror.) NOW WHAT?!!! THIS IS STARTING TO GET ON MY LAST NERVE!!! MORE COPS ARE COMING AFTER US!!! THIS IS INSANE!!! SHOOT ‘EM, MEN, WHILE I GET MY LOVER HOTKISS AWAY FROM THOSE GIRLS!!!

Jack, Ramon, and Sol: RIGHT, BOSS!

Damon: I WANT YOUR BODY, HOTKISS!!! DO YOU HEAR ME?!!! I WANT YOU!!!

    And Jack, Ramon, and Sol started shooting at the cop cars, and the cops started shooting at them right back but they all missed each other.

Bugsi Ann: Hurry, Coleen! Those creeps are ganging on us!

Preston: And to get me, they’ll stop at nothing!

Coleen: Don’t worry, you guys. Those gay guys are not gonna get us for we’ve got the cops after the boys.

Brenda: Well I sure hope they get stopped soon by the cops.

Renee: If they don’t get stopped by the cops, I’ve got my karattee moves to take ‘em down.

Damon: I’m gonna ram those girls because they’re stupid for taking my lover away from me!

    And true to his word, he started ramming the girls’ black van real good and hard.

Preston: Hey, what’s that noise?!

Julie: It’s Damon and his guys! He’s ramming us down!

Damon: (in rage!) WHERE’S MY LOVER, DUMMIES?!!! HUH?!!! WHERE IS HE?!!! HE’S MINE, YOU STUPID BETTIES!!! BRING HIM HERE!!! NOW!!!

    And Damon kept on ramming the girls’ van down again many times because they’ve got Preston.

Coleen: (to Damon.) HEY, YOU’RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT, MONSTER!!!

    Jack, Ramon, and Sol kept on shooting at Diane and the rest of the cops, and the cops shot at them right back, but they still missed each other. Then Diane used her CB-radio to tell Damon and his bad boys to pull over immediately.

Diane: This is the city police! Pull over your green van at once! Did you hear what I said?! Pull over the green van this instant!

Damon: (to Diane.) LOOK!!! WHAT ARE YOU, DEAF, OR SOMETHING?!!! WE’RE DOING BUSINESS AROUND HERE!!! SO I WANT TO ADVISE YOU FLATFOOTS TO CLEAR OUTTA HERE THIS MINUTE, OR ELSE!!!

    Damon still continues to ram the girls down because they still have Preston Nickleson.

Coleen: (fed up with Damon’s thumps to the girls’ vehicle.) Boy, won’t that geek ever learn that Preston does not want to be with them?!

Preston: They just won’t stop bothering me!

Renee: Yes they will because the police are after their butts right now.

Preston: Good. Hopefully Diane is after them too.

Brenda: She is, honey. Don’t worry about it.

    And they all drove out of the Kennedy Expressway, pass the Eisenhower, to the Dan Ryan.

Diane: (to Damon.) PULL OVER RIGHT NOW!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M SAYING, BOYS?!!!

The four gay bad boys: NO!!!

    Then Diane started ramming the boys’ green van.

Damon: OKAY, COP!!! YOU ASKED FOR IT!!!

  Damon used a boomgun on Diane’s policecar. He took aim, shoots, and it missed Diane’s car and hit another vehicle.

Damon: OOH, I HATE COPS, AND I DON’T LIKE GOD, JESUS, AND ANYBODY SAYING NO TO ME!!!

Jack, Ramon, and Sol: YEAH! You tell ‘em boss!

Damon: You creeps can’t get rid of us! We’re special, and you morons are not! So tough noogies!

    And Diane used a special gun with only one bullet in it. She aimed it carefully on Damon’s direction while he was still acting stupid.

Damon: I’M THE BEST!!! NOBODY’S BETTER THAN ME!!! NOT NOBODY!!! I’M THE GREATEST!!! AND I’M GONNA GET MY LOVER HOTKISS WHETHER YOU FILTHY BUMS LIKE IT OR NOT!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

    And Diane shot Damon in the back, and he was dead.

Jack: BOSS! BOSS! Are you okay?!

    Diane grabbed another gun, aimed it at the green van, used her CB-radio, and told the other guys this.

Diane: (to the gay guys.) Now, either you bullies pull over at once, or I shall be forced to shoot you also!

Jack, Ramon, and Sol: NEVER!!! WHY DON’T YOU PULL OVER, COPPER, AND QUIT BOTHERING US!!! YOU JUST KILLED OUR BOSS!!! YOU DUMB BROAD!!!

    But Diane shot at their tires, and the green van skidded to the side of the freeway, and it stopped. Then the police surrounded them.

Jack: HEY, YOU CAN’T DO THAT, YOU DUMMIES!!! I DEMAND A LAWYER!!!

Ramon: YEAH, JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU GUYS ARE, MAKING US MISS OUR LOVER!!!

Sol: AND SHOOTING OUR BOSS LIKE THAT!!! YOU’RE FOOLS!!! THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE!!!

Jack, Ramon, and Sol: WE WANT LOVIN’!!! WE WANT LOVIN’!!! WE WANT LOVIN’!!!

Diane: SHUT UP!!! You’re not getting any loving from any man, nor woman! Do you understand me?! You monsters are under arrest!

Ramon: Says who, you stupid wench?!

All the ten cops: SAYS US!!!

Sol: YOU GUYS ARE FOOLS!!! YOU CAN’T DO THAT!!!

Diane: WE’RE COPS!!! We can do whatever we want!!

    And Coleen and the others stopped their van for a while, got off, and watched the gay guys get arrested, and Damon to an early grave for being such a psychopath, homosexual, monsterous criminal, and dreaming the wrong dreams of Preston Nickleson when he had no business doing that in the first place.

Preston: About time the cops had those gay monsters arrested for chasing me around all the time! Not good!

Diane: Hey Preston!

    And Preston rushed up to Officer Diane Hermosillo to find out what she wants.

Preston: Hey, Diane! How are you?

Diane: I’m fine. How are you?

Preston: I’m fine now.

Diane: Tell me, are these the guys that started bothering you with their grief?

Preston: Yes, Diane. These guys just don’t know when to leave me alone. They want me to marry them so that they can have sex with me, and I’m not interested in that.

Diane: Well these guys are gonna be put into custody for a very long time.

Coleen: Well they deserved it! They have no right harassing Preston for grief like that at all!

Jack: It’s all your fault, Hotkiss!! We want to marry you, and have sex with you all night and all day, but you wouldn’t give us those chances, and you killed your lover Damon!!
HE’S DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!!!

Preston: (to Jack.) Whatever, turkey!! Nice try!!

Bugsi Ann: Yeah, that’s right!!

Preston: I miss you, Diane.

Diane: Aw, I miss you too, Preston. It’s been a long time since we had a whole lot of fun together.

Preston: Yes we did. I was just a little boy, and you were a teenager. And whenever I’ve got a problem, I always talk to you. Right?

Diane: Absolutely, and apparently. We especially did a lot of fun stuff together with our friends.

Preston: Yes. I remember myself having a crush on you back then as well because I didn’t know any better back when I was little.

Diane: Yes, I remember. You used to write me a lot of loveletters back when we were kids, and the first time we met each other after your parents dropped you off to our house, you were all smiles saying hello to our family, and you gave us all big hugs, and we thank you for it.

Preston: You’re welcome. Can we live those memories again? Can I give you a great big hug, Diane?

Diane: Sure, Preston honey.

    And Preston rushed over to Diane, and they gave each other a great big long cheek to cheek hug and kiss.

Preston: Diane, we will always be best friends forever, along with all of my friends too.

Diane: You better believe it.

Bugsi Ann: Aw, how sweet. How about it, everyone. Group hug. Group hug.

    So everybody else goes over for a hug as well.

Coleen: I’m soooo glad we all got each other.

Renee: You got it, y’all.

Julie: I’m glad I’ve got all of you.

Bugsi Ann: I’m happy America loves me like back home.

Brenda: We’re all safe with each other.

Debbie: Yeah.

Michelle: I’m with all of you.

Preston: And I’m with all of you. Thank you all for saving my life from that monster Damon, and his evil gay partners in crime. They’re bad news.

Diane: Well they won’t bother you anymore, Preston. They’re now being sentence to jail until they start to redeem themselves from sinful nature.

Coleen: (in Spanish.) I’m very glad that we’re best friends forever.

Bugsi Ann: (in Italian.) I second that.

    When Coleen and the rest of the girls brought Preston back home, Diane followed the girls to his house for Preston’s protection. So they pulled up to his house, Coleen, Preston, and Diane got out of their vehicles, and Coleen said this to the girls.

Coleen: Stay in the van, ladies. I’ll be right back. Preston needs a blessing.

Bugsi Ann: (wanted to come along.) Can I come with you, Coleen?

Coleen: No. This is my responsibility. I’ve got him into this mess with the gay guys, so I’m getting him out.

Bugsi Ann: Okay.

    So Coleen and Diane walked with Preston to his house, they rang the doorbell, and Karen (Preston’s mom) answered the door, and Karen was so surprised to see Diane Hermosillo in a police officer suit.

Karen: Diane Hermosillo! A police officer?

Diane: Hi, Karen! It’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other!

Coleen: Hey, Mrs. Nickleson. Remember me?

Karen: Why of course, Coleen! How have you been?

Coleen: We’re doing great, Mrs. Nickleson. Your son Preston Needs a blessing right away.

Preston: Because Damon and his men started chasing me sexually again after the show was over, and threatening me, mom.

Diane: But the gay guys are being sentence to life in prison.

Nathaniel: Good. They won’t bother our son anymore. Come on in.

    And so Preston, Coleen, and Diuane went inside the Nickleson”s household, and Karen grabbed a chair for Preston to sit down on, Preston sat down on the chair, Karen, Nathaniel, Coleen, and Diane put their hands on Preston’s head, and Karen said the prayer.

Karen: Dear God, Heavenly Father, we come to you in prayer right now. We just need you to protect my son Preston away from nasty gay guys, and other bad people that just want him to do things that are not of your will. Please keep Preston safe with all of his friends he can trust, that don’t want him to do very nasty stuff at all. So far, he has been chased by gay guys that want him to sin against your will, which he’s not going to do. But Officer Diane Hermosillo took care of those nasty boys. They are sentenced to life in prison. One of them is dead.

Coleen: Yeah. Damon.

Karen: So Father God, please guide Preston to the right paths where he can be welcome by people where he is not threatened by bad guys that just want him for sex, and all of that other nasty junk. That’s not what you want us to do. You want us to do your word and your works from the Book of Mormon, and the Bible. Help us do your will, and please forgive others that do harm to my son Preston, and us as well. Give us strength, and give us peace. And I ask these things in the name of the son Jesus Christ. Amen.

    One Friday night, it was the last day of school soccer game outside. Preston’s team the Cheetahs vs. the Buzzards from another high school. Preston calls his team up together because his team is almost winning, and he’s the captain of the team.

Preston: Okay, fellows, listen up. The lord Jesus Christ is depending on this, and so are our friends. And I know this church is true. We’ve got to win this game so I want you all to do the best you can in the name of God, and I know I will too. God’s watching us play good and hard. So let’s get out there and do our thing! What do you say, team?!

All the boys: Yes, sir!

Preston: Then we go!

All the boys: Go, Cheetahs!!

    And all of  Preston’s relatives and friends, including Officer Diane Hermosillo and the rest of the police officers are watching Preston’s team win.

Coleen: (sitting on one of the benches.) GO, PRESTON!

Bugsi Ann: COME ON, CHEETAHS!

Karen: Come on, son! Beat the wings off those Buzzards!

Nathaniel: We don’t care if you win or lose! GO, CHEETAHS!

Ashley: YAY, BIG BROTHER!

Cameron: ALRIGHT, PRESTON!

    Here comes the kick! The teams were going wild with that soccer ball, the crowd was just going nuts rooting for Preston and his team!

Coleen: ALRIGHT, PRESTON!

Bugsi Ann: Somebody stop that Buzzard! He’s got the ball now!

    Yes, one of the guys on the Buzzards’ team has the ball now trying to make it all the way to the goal. But before he made it, Preston took the ball away from him and made him trip and fall into the grass.

The guy on the Buzzards’ team: HEY!!!

    Preston ran with the ball really fast. The Buzzards tried to catch him, but Preston was too fast for them. So Preston kicked the ball to one of his team members, the guy kicked it to the goal, and the ball made it. And Preston’s Cheetahs won! Everybody started clapping and cheering for Preston because him and his team won the game!

Brenda: He did it, Coleen! He did it! I knew that Preston would come through!

Coleen: He sure did, Brenda! God had a special plan for him! That’s why he won!

Bart: Hooray for Preston! He did it!

Nathaniel: (in tears of joy.) That’s my boy! No wonder he’s got so much talent, and I’m proud of him!

    Everybody went up from out of their seats just to get an autograph yearbook signed by Preston himself along with his team. Two junior high teenage girls were the first to get their autographs signed by Preston.

The two junior high girls: Hi, Preston! Can we have your autograph?

Preston: Sure. What are your names?

The first junior high girl: My name is Megan.

The second junior high girl: And my name is Patty.

Both girls: And we’re coming over your school next year to see all of your talents!

Preston: Hey, that works for me. After all, I still have two more years in high school. After I graduate, I plan to go to college and become a Hollywood sensational star in Los Angeles.

Both girls: Alright!!

    Then other people had their autographs signed by Preston for having such great talents from God. Then Coleen, The Bad Ol’ Putty Tats, Diane Hermosillo, and his family members and all of his friends got their pictures taken from the schools in Chicago, The Chicago Tribune, and the Sun Times for being such great gifts from God. And Preston ran up to give Coleen, Bugsi Ann, Ms. Lopez his teacher, and Diane Hermosillo big hugs, and they hugged him right back. Everybody is Preston’s best friends forever from God because Preston did the will of God without missing it. And that is a lesson we have to learn about. We have to be patient because God has got a special plan for you too.

                        THE END!