The Fruity Ninja

The Adventures of the Fruity Ninja

         Today started off like any other Wednesday; I was skipping off into the meadow, getting ready to frolic with flowers and pick some fruit from my garden. This is what I tend to do in my spare time which I have very little of - being an amazing Fruity Ninja (with amazing abs) and all. When I first accepted the job I had to swear on my life to do everything in my power to protect all things nice, happy and fruity. As a Fruity Ninja my one and only job is to protect fruit, which is harder than it seems! With all the terrible nasty people picking the unripe baby fruit, we have lost too many to those terrible uneducated people. There are also other types of ninjas such as the Cuddly Ninjas who protect the cute and the fluffy, and then there are the meany poo Vegetable Ninjas that protect the vegetables. People always say that we Fruity Ninjas and the Vegetable Ninjas are great friends, but we’re not. The Vegetable Ninjas call us “uncool” and “childish”. But we’re not! They’re just stupid heads! Especially Pat Potato, he just thinks he’s so cool. Oh, and I should probably mention our code name system. We use names of those we protect as code names, like my BFF’s Bob Strawberry and Alex Orange.          

So like I said, I was skipping to the meadow, the rest of my team was assigned to different locations to hang out and watch the fruit. When I finally arrived to the meadow I frolicked toward the garden.          

“Hey, Cherry!” said a nice little pear, and a few other fruits as I approached the garden. Yes I know Cherry is a girly code name, but it’s my favorite fruit.          

“Hey fruit buds!” I shouted to my fruit friends. When you become a Fruity Ninja, you are granted the ability to talk to fruit. So I have all these little fruit buddies!          

“Hey Cherry! Can you pick me today?” said an orange. “I think I’m ripe enough and I want to go see my buddy Leo Lemon in fruit heaven. I wonder what the one true religion is. Hey, maybe it’s Juicy-ism.”          

“Sure, Mr. Orange I’ll pick you today!” I said to the nice little orange.          

“Yea death!” the orange shouted with glee as I picked him from the tree and put his delicious orange corpse in my basket of deliciously dead fruit. In the background I could hear one of the grapes I set out in the sun.          

“No, not the sun!” He screamed as he was transformed into a yummy raisin.          

“Shut up Glena Grape, no one wants to hear your death screams!” shouted an angry lemon.          

“Stop being so sour!” an apple yelled back.

So, today was just another normal Wednesday, and then it happened.          

“Shhhhh….I sense darkness in the meadow,” I dramatically whispered quieting all the fruit. Then there was a rustle in the bushes, and I knew we were no longer alone. A large black shadow approached the garden, and when it stepped into the light I gasped. It was beautiful, possibly the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, but it was also very, very evil. It had a thick black coat of fluffy fur, magically black hooves and eyes. It looked almost like a normal horse but there was one thing out of place. A horn, long and sparkly, planted in the middle of its head, was sharp as a knife. The horn possessed much power, and had frightened the fruit.          

“Oh, no! Black Unicorn of Death! It’s going to kill us, screamed the apple. The apple was right; the unicorn was going to kill him. So, I did what any good Fruity Ninja would do.          

“Stop! This is a private garden, and you can’t eat it’s fruit!” I yelled at the unicorn of death. Sadly the method they taught me in fruity ninja training camp, didn’t work.          

“Rawr!” he growled. That was when I made the mistake of running away from my post, screaming like a girl. I will forever be haunted by their fruity screams of death.          

“Dude! Slow down, what happened, I can’t hear you over your crying!” My BFF Bob Strawberry said. “I’m not cra-(sniff)-cra-crying!” I sobbed. “Okay, I was in the garden picking some fruit like I always do. Then I sensed evil in the meadow, and (sniff) then this big scary evil unicorn thing threatened the fruit.” I said sobbing.          

“Well did you do what the fruity ninja trainers told you to do!?!” He quickly asked.          

“Of course I did, but he just growled at me!” I screamed          

“Oh no! Did you use your ninja powers on him?” he shouted wide eyed.          

“No, he was huge, and I mean what if I broke a nail. I just had them filed, and I do NOT do hang nails,” I said with extra emphases on the not part. “So I ran and then I called you, I could hear the fruit screaming as I ran.” Then I started crying even more.          

“It’s okay Cherry; I don’t think I could hit a unicorn either. But if he ate the fruit at that garden there’s no doubt he will kill again. We have to do something,” he said very dramatically, while I hummed Dun, Dun, Dun!          

“Okay, I’ll call Orange and tell him to meet us at the fortress of fruititude,” I said sniffling through sniffles as I pulled out my sparkly cell phone.

***          

So there I was at Chuck-E-Cheese, I mean the fortress of fruititude, chill’n with my BFF’s, yelling’ at the waitress to bring us our fruity pizza. I looked over at Orange; he was on his pink laptop, like always. I had told him about my traumatic experience while waiting for the waiter to bring us our fruity pizza. After I had finished telling him he automatically got out his laptop and started doing computer nerdy stuff. “What cha doing?” I asked bored out of my mind. I would go play some games but Strawberry says I’m not allowed till I eat my pizza… stupid Strawberry.          

“Searching big scary black unicorn of death on Google,” he said sounding a little irritated. “So far I’ve found a video of Charlie the Unicorn on you tube.”          

“I’ve seen that a million and five times, it won’t help us,” I said with a sigh. “Not even if we go to CANDY MOUNTAIN! Come with us Orange it’s a land sweets and joy, and joyness!” I yelled impersonating the unicorns perfectly (Years of practice finally paying off). Orange gave me a, don’t you dare start up with the Charlie the Unicorn crap again glare.          

“I also found a children’s book the day the unicorn turned black and scary and an old woman who thinks evil unicorns want to eat her kittens,” he said with a sigh.                    

“Well that’s just silly,” I exclaimed. “Everyone knows unicorns eat fruit, hence the problem,” I said getting a, you’re an idiot glare this time. “But the children’s book might have some dirt on the unicorn. Orange…” then I hummed Dun, Dun, Dun! “Find me that children’s book!” Shortly after my dramatic humming the fruity pizza finally came, it was delicious. After we were all full of cheesy goodness, we ran over to the whack-a-mole game.          

“Die mole!” I yelled at the poorly made machine.          

“High score!” announced Strawberry as we won again. “Okay guys we had our mole killing fun now let’s get back to business.” Strawberry announced, annoying us all.

***          

After a few more minuets of whack-a-mole that Orange and I begged for, we found ourselves back at the table going over what to do next.          

“I found an online copy of the children’s book,” said Orange.          

“Well is it a manual describing how to kill a legendary evil unicorn!?!” I shouted in excitement.          

“No, it’s a book that tells kids about a unicorn that lied then turned black and ugly. Teaching kids that lying is bad.” He said giving me the, you’re an idiot glare again.          

“Oh…well… what if…I think it would help if I got a little cheap candy at the prize table for my tummy, I can’t think on an empty stomach,” I said.          

“You just had five pieces of pizza!” shouted Strawberry.          

“Oh well, whine, whine, whine. I’m going to go get my cheap candy; you guys can stay here and work on plans.” I said, knowing they would follow.

As I made my way over to the prize table I looked up and saw a large book on top, under the large book there was a label the read How to kill a big black scary Unicorn of death that’s killing innocent fruit for dummies.          

“Guys, look,” I said in awe pointing at the book sent from heaven. Both of their jaws dropped when they saw it. “Chuck-E-Cheese guy!” I yelled at the guy at the counter.          

“Huh?” he mumbled to me.          

“We need that book! The fate of the fruit depends on it!” I yelled dramatically. The guy looked up at the book.          

“Well do you have fifty thousand tickets?” he asked with a yawn.          

“Uh no,” I mumbled.          

“Well you can’t have the book,” he said.          

“Did you not hear me? I said the fate of the fruit depends on me having that book!” I yelled again.          

“Well the fruit is going to have to wait now isn’t it?” he said then walked over to a little girl staring in awe at a stuffed unicorn toy.          

“Okay then.” Said Strawberry “Should we use Orange’s hacking skills and steal it?” he asked          

“No! Stealing is bad and against the code of the Fruity Ninjas!” I announced.          

“Then what are we going to do genius, we don’t have time to win fifty thousand tickets!” Strawberry yelled.

“Maybe we do,” Orange said, I could hear the gears turning in his head. “If we play whack-a-mole for exactly seven hours and fifteen minutes straight, hitting the jackpot every time we play, we should get a total of…fifty thousand and 12 tickets. Giving us enough tickets to win the book and a piece of cheap candy for Cherry.” Orange stated smiling at his own intelligence.          

“Okay, fine but we better hurry and start playing.” I said starting to walk toward the machine, and then I realized we weren’t the only Ninjas in this fabulous restaurant.          

“Hey guys look, it’s the puny Fruity Ninjas!” said Pat Potato pointing at us while his friends were laughing. “Aww, are you kids hanging out at your kiddy hang out.” He said, then came over and pinched my cheeks like I was a baby.          

“For your information we’re hear for important Fruity Ninja business, what’s your excuse?” I said.          

“We’re here to sue the restaurant for using unripe vegetables for there vegetarian pizzas. But don’t let us bother you guys; I see you all have an important meeting with the prize counter, what will the world do if Cherry doesn’t get his cheap candy!” Pat said before his group started strutting over to where the manager was to complain about their use of un-ripe vegetables.          

“He’s just mad that he has to protect food people hate!” said Strawberry doing his best to stop Orange and I from ripping Pat’s head off.          

“Fine, forget about it; let’s go kill some electronic moles!” I yelled as we made our way over to the machine. I reached into my pocket pulled out a coin, and slowly and dreamily put it into the machine. Moles started popping up right and left, every time we saw one we took our hand and karate chopped its head. After a few minutes of this mole killing madness we won our first jackpot. We all jumped up with a shout of glee as the tickets rolled out of the machine. Okay, we only have to do that a few more times I thought. See I could have asked Orange how many more times we had to do that, but I wasn’t ready for that kind of disappointment.

***

“Fifty thousand and ten, fifty thousand and eleven, fifty thousand and twelve!” Orange counted happily seven hours and fifteen minutes later. Then we all skipped up to the ticket counter to redeem our tickets.

“Hello! We have our fifty thousand tickets and we would like the book up there and some cheap candy!” I said. First he took our twelve tickets and gave me some old people hard candy. Then he started to reach for the book, but before he could grab it, it floated into my hands. Ignoring the shock of a book floating in thin air, we ran back to the table. When we opened the book a big ghost like face came out of the book, it had us all frozen in fear.

“Hello Fruity Ninjas, my name is Shaba. I died four million years ago, and had my ghost trapped in this book to help the poor fruity soles of the future,” Shaba said.

“Do you know how to help us kill the unicorn thing?” I quietly asked the floating head.

“Yes, I have waited so many years for a Fruit Ninja that was cool enough to win me and my awesomeness.” Said Shaba “Chuck-E-Cheese was originally built to teach Fruity Ninjas how to defeat the Ancient evil unicorn. You see the last time he appeared, to trap him we picked a bunch of fruit and put it in a huge box. The unicorn went into the box and the fruit kept him busy for a few thousand years. It worked, but we can not keep doing this every few thousand years!” He exclaimed. “It’s too much work! So by earning fifty thousand tickets at whack-a-mole you have proven yourselves worthy to kill it.”

“But how are we supposed to kill a big scary unicorn?” Strawberry asked. “We’re just Fruity Ninjas!”

“This is how,” Shaba said as the whole building split apart revealing a large safe buried in the ground the building was covering. “Go, the combination is 1-2-3,” he yelled.

“Wait, the big amazing answer to our problem is in there. And you couldn’t think of a combination better than 1-2-3?” I asked.

“Yes, its so stupid no one would ever try it!” he said shutting me up. “Now go!”

We ran over to the safe and punched in his silly combination. Then the door slowly opened, as smoke rolled out of the safe we could begin to make out a large machine. It had two large robotic arms and legs. We climbed up the staircase in the back of the machine and saw a familiar site. It was an exact replica of the whack-a-mole game in the building, but this one had a note attached. I picked it up and started to read it out loud.

“To defeat the horse with the long horn all you must do is hit the moles as they appear,” I read. We glanced at each other, and exchanged a why not? Look. I then slipped the last coin I had left into the machine and we started to play. As we hit the moles the robot started to walk out of the safe. It continued walking until it reached a meadow, were I could see the evil unicorn. With its robotic hands pointing outward it started chasing the unicorn. It chased the unicorn for a very long time; we thought that we may never be able to stop playing the whack-a-mole game, but then it came to a cliff. The horrified unicorn looked to both sides, it was cornered.

“This is for the fruit!” I yelled as the robot finally pushed the unicorn off the cliff sending it plummeting towards a terrible death. I looked at my friends’ finally finding a place of inner peace. “The unicorn is dead,” I announced. “And the fruit is safe.”

“I guess I’ll see you guys tomorrow then.” Orange said walking toward his house. I waved to Orange and then to Strawberry. I then happily skipped home, ready for another normal day, at my normal job.