The angry plumber |
"Blow! Blow!" Killer Cline was having a tough time with a toilet. "Excuse me, but the customers can hear you. Could you please lower your voice?" Muzzy whispered. "Who the fuck are you to tell me to shut up? Some dumb ass dumped a log in here!" Killer Cline menaced Muzzy. Muzzy smiled, "I just want to keep the customer happy in a friendly restaurant. Please watch your language." "Oy! I'm the Lotion Man! I get the job done!" Cline gave a toothy smirk. "Lotion Man?" Muzzy was confused. "Yeah, everybody knows me from Face Book. I'm a ... celebrity." Cline snaked the toilet and put his cigaret out in the water. "Okay. How much do I owe you?" Muzzy queried. "You capitalistic pigs! I have a flat rate and you can't talk me down!" Cline squinted one eye at Muzzy. Muzzy looked nervously at a customer in the restroom.. "I wouldn't dare. How much?" Muzzy asked. "$500.00 and a free dinner." the Lotion Man sneered. Muzzy looked blankly in the killer plumber's eyes. "Okay. Do you take checks?" he asked with a toothy smile. "WHO THE FUCK TAKES CHECKS IN THIS FUCKED UPPED COUNTRY?!" Cline's face was inches from Muzzy's nose. "Ahem. Okay. I'll go get some cash." Muzzy walked slowly to the register and withdrew the money. Killer Cline was standing directly behind him. Muzzy smiled and handed the psycho plumber his cash. "I SHOULD ASK FOR GOLD! THIS PAPER AINT WORTH WIPING MY ASS WITH!" Cline howled at Muzzy. Muzzy took a deep breath, "Sir you are a nattering nabob. Nothing would please me more than to see you leave. But, first remember that I am your income and you just lost a customer. Good day and stop asking for a fuck." Killer Cline slapped Muzzy in the face and stomped out of Shunk's Chunks. The restaurant erupted with applause. Muzzy bowed. A customer spoke up, "Were applauding the slap in the face." Muzzy made an open mouth smile and went to the grill. Reflections: Empty barrels make the most noise. ~~~ <^> |