Lyra

Lyra sat down next to me on the park bench and took my hand in hers. I knew it was her by the smell of strawberries before she had even sat down and her mere presence lifted me halfway out of my dark thoughts. I didn’t turn to look at her and I knew she wasn’t looking at me either. We just sat there, holding hands. I didn’t need to ask why she’d come. Somehow she always knew when to come find me, she always knew when I needed her.



When the sun disappeared behind the horizon she stood, still holding on to my hand, and looked at me for the first time. She cocked her head to the side, gave me a small smile and said „Lets go home.“

I blinked a few times coming out of my reverie and met her forest-green eyes. They sparkled in the dimming light and I smiled genuinely for the first time in days. She looked just like I remembered her – dark blond hair with wild curles standing out in every direction, a bit of soot on her cheek and forehead, a small silver ring protruding from her lower lip and eyes covered with black mascara and eyeshadow. Her clothes were old and worn, her shoes a few sizes too big and covered in dust and dirt. You could barely make out that they had once been a bright yellow. I smiled at her more brightly and stood from the bench as well. „Yeah, lets go home“.



We walked in silence, both just enjoying each others’ presence and the occasional warm evening breeze. We both had our eyes pointed down to the ground as we moved slowly through the park. It was a habit I had learned from her back when we first met.

We’d been walking home then as well and I’d noticed that she was looking down while she walked. „Lyra“, I asked, „why do you keep looking on the ground? You can’t even see where you’re going like this.“ She stopped in her tracks and lifted her head to look at me. „I’m looking out for the ants“, she stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I looked at her with a baffled expression. „Why?“. She gave me a small smile that might have looked a bit like the look a mother would give to a small child just before explaining something very simple like „You can’t eat with your fingers, dear, that is what the spoon is for!“ and said calmly „The ants are very small, you see, and if I don’t look closely I won’t see them. But I have to see them to not step on them. They are so small, you see, that with one step I could end so many of them. And I wouldn’t want that. I wouldn’t want to step on anyone and fortunately you are big enough and so I don’t have to look out for you or other people. They are small though, I must be observant.“ And with that she pointed her glance back on the road and continued walking. I continued after her and looked at the ground as well. Have been ever since. After all, I didn’t want to kill the ants either.



„Lyra,“ I said, breaking the silence but not looking up from the road „Where did you go this time?“ She kept her eyes down as well as she simply stated „Away“. She didn’t elaborate. We walked in silence again for a while. I was too curious though, so I briefly let my eyes flicker to her face and queried „Why?“ A small smile blossomed on her lips, but she didn’t answer straight away. I knew she would eventually, so I just waited while still looking out for the ants. Minutes passed by and I’d almost forgotten about my question when she spoke. „I had to leave so I could come back“ she said with a soft sigh. That is exactly like something Lyra would say, I thought to myself. I tried to figure out what the meaning behind that was, but I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I wasn’t surprised though. She always said and did things that left me guessing. I didn’t expect her to say anything more as she usually didn’t and so I was surprised when she squeezed my hand and stopped walking. I stopped as well and looked at her with my eyebrows raised in question. She smiled at me and said „I went away because you needed me to go and come back“. She looked at the sky for a while and then back at me. „Now you know,“ she said and I could see she was about to start walking again. I still didn’t understand, though. I held her in place by her hand and asked „Now I know what?“, giving her a puzzled expression. She lifted her eyes to mine again and said in a small but strong voice „Now you know that I’ll always return. Now you know I’ll always be here when you need me. I had to go so you would see.“ Her gaze flickered to the sky again and she whispered „Maybe now I won’t have to leave anymore. Maybe now I can stay.“ She looked at me again, cocked her head on the side and repeated her earlier request – „Let’s go home, Will.“ She started walking, pulling me along by my hand. I looked at her in wonder and slowly what she said sinked in. Maybe she wouldn’t go anymore. Maybe this time she’d stay. Lyra was back, maybe permanently this time and I couldn’t help the huge grin from forming on my face. „Home“, I agreed and let her lead me away, our gazes glued to the ground, still looking out for the ants.