Transformation

Life hurts! Admit it, we all want to escape. Sometimes the dream is over before it begun. As this moment is lived clarity hits, a part of me is unveiled. Lost, insecure, and full of emotion I don't comprehend. Afraid to admit my pain.



Pouring more wine. Smoking more cigarettes. All in hopes of dulling the moment. I lie on my back inhaling this ultra light, wondering if life just slips away. A bleak hour holds a revelation: no longer live this way. Just set the past a blaze, and blame the flames on this cigarette I smoked. On the brink of a new horizon.



Once I finish this drink I swear i'll be through. The clock reads 3,4,and 2, I am still awake with nothing to do. My only option is becoming "that person" I envision.

I'll start by letting go of such things I have no control. Next I say, embrace the emotional side to you, which is not a burden but a gift.



Understand that any sort of relationship does not have to last a lifetime in order for it to be validated as significant. People enter and leave our lives at just the right time.

Remember no friend, lover, or therapist is going to sweep you off to your higher good. They may seem to pave the way, but it is your journey.



While I fantasize my past on fire I gaze at the flames knowing the ashes will hold my memories; even when they are scattered they will never truly be gone. Yet, they will be so small they will hardly effect me.



Now I stand, feeling the warmth of my burning past on my skin, the heat heal. I envision throwing my cigarette into the flame. I smile almost deviously and think for the first time my past does not have one up on me. I'll turn and walk away, and take my first steps towards my new horizon.



Transformation.



June 10, 2004 (after The Wallflowers show at the Showbox, Seattle)