Introducing Me

Just write, just fucking write!!

I took the advise with a pinch of salt and lashings of fear and proceeded to ignore it.

Time lapsed and the world turned, this way and that, but always centred itself back to where I started.

I work with people all day, listening to their ups and downs, concerns and fears I give advise and offer support and generally chug along-but then I come home…to a room filled with things: with expense, with comfort and with spirituality all around:

Computer’s, TV’s, stereo; more books and DVD’s than a small library. My piano rests in the corner, it looks beautiful and playing it makes me glow. I have a view of the ocean from my balcony and a beautiful city view from my bedroom.

Light pours in through the windows and my shrine sits below the window, reminding me that we are all just energy.

But I come home alone and sit, bored and frustrated, wondering what there is? What can I be? What can I do? Guilt and frustration merge into anger with others, and then the realisation that I am actually angry at me.

Confused I wallow for a while and then I merge with grand schemes and plans. I feel relaxed and at home with me once more. But the cycle continues and then today I noticed the theme, the pattern in it all:

Attachment to an outcome has lead me to neglect the truth of who I am.

Who can remember being happy? I’m sure we all can, but what is it we remember?

Is it the book we bought or the car, or house, or the promotion at work, or the gadget that we thought would make all the difference?  Or is it the smile, the sensation, the laughter; the moments when we connected with someone, with the feelings we had? Think back and try to remember. What makes you happy?

If you were to sit down in 20 years time and remember your life, what would put a smile on your face? What would you laugh at? What would you remember? What would be the anecdotes you’d share?

I’ve decided to take the original advice and look forward to sharing

Lots of love, the real me.