I am Seriously Joking!

No I am not a parasite, no not even a virus, hell no! I am a creature standing upright with the help of this vertebrae column yet limping and crawling forward to catch up with "Others". I have tried rising myself to the place where this horrifying timidness will stop haunting me, the timidness which comes to me after facing reality, the fear of loosing my self proclaimed image of an established individual. Yes, I am striving hard to keep up to that image, repeatedly and outrageously clinging to it and challenging those who tend to threaten it. I have surrounded myself with this invisible shell, shell of false pride.
I am beginning to develop masks gradually, and I am able to see this. I am able to see that I get satisfaction by doing this, but I am not content. I want more satisfaction, but never I am. I have corrupted the pious Love, Love to me has been nothing but an evil way to satisfy my ego, but never I am satisfied. I am able to see this. I am begining to possess and be posses ed ruining the innocence of Love. I am able to see this.
I feel guilt, I feel remorse, but some where down the line I feel that I am still not dead. I have still not turned into plastic.All this is just a preparation, all this is just a serious joke!I am just getting naked, shedding myself cloth by cloth and getting ready , ready to take the last and final plunge, to dissolve myself to eternity.