I thought we buried you.

I Thought We Buried You

Halloween was just a few days away. Parents were busy buying or making the Halloween costumes for their children. Everything was going along just fine in Hometown, until Homer Peabody fell off of his ladder while cleaning out his gutters. The rescue squad was called and neighbors gathered around. Homer Peabody was pronounced dead at the scene of the accident. Homer did not have any family, so the Hometown church gave him a quick funeral and even a quicker burial. Nobody wanted to be going to a funeral on Halloween night. There was trick or treating to be done.
Halloween night came and all the children were out trick or treating with adult supervision. Little Susie Lou was out trick or treating with her mother Sally Ann when little Susie Lou said to her mother,
“Look mommy! There is Homer Peabody! I was sure we buried him,” said Little Susie Lou in a loud voice.
“Oh honey, that is just somebody dressed up like Homer. Homer! Come on over here!” called Sally Ann.
Homer came over to where little Susie Lou and Sally Ann were and stood in front of them.
“Homer, how are you doing? I thought we had buried you,” said Sally Ann.
“Homer you stink!” said little Susie Lou.
“Susie! That is not polite,” said Sally Ann.
“I am sorry Homer. We like your costume, you look just like the Homer we buried,” said little Susie Lou.
“Uhhhhhhhhhh,” Homer said.
“Oh Homer do not try to talk. You enjoy the evening and we will talk with you later. We need to head over to more homes, to do more trick or treating,” said Sally Ann as she and little Susie Lou walked on down the street.
Homer walked on down the street toward his own home. As he walked up the walk his neighbor Sam called to him,
“Homer! How are you doing? I thought we buried you a few days ago. Must have been somebody else,” said Sam.
Homer was not feeling well at all. He was dirty from top to toe. He ached all over as if he had had a bad fall. All he wanted to do was get inside his home and lay down.
“Homer, you look like death warmed over. You had better go lay down,” said Sam.
Homer went into his home, took a shower and lay down on his bed. He was woken up by knocking on the front door. Going downstairs, he opened the door to several trick or treaters. Finding a bowl of candy he gave some to the children. Turning out the porch light, he went back to bed and slept the night through.
Getting up the next day he went downstairs for breakfast of orange juice and toast. Getting the newspaper, he took it into the kitchen and opened it up. Setting his orange juice down on the table, he was startled at what he saw. He was reading his own obituary. It read:
“Homer Peabody of Hometown died in his yard after falling off his ladder while cleaning his gutters. He was a member of Hometown church. He was given a quick funeral and a very quick burial. He will be truly missed.”
Homer put the newspaper down and realized that the orange juice he had been drinking was leaking through the holes in his chest. Going upstairs to the bathroom, he put some gauze and tape on his chest to keep himself dry.
Homer went back outside, found the ladder and put it up against the house. Climbed up and began to clean the gutters again. His neighbor Sam came over and said,
“Hi Homer! How are you feeling today? That was sure a lot of fun with all the trick or treaters last night. Let me help you with the leaves,” said Sam as he started to pick up the leaves from the ground.
“Uhhhhhhhh,” Homer said.
“Do not try to talk. I will do all the talking. I thought we buried you last week. You could pass for Homer Peabody’s twin brother,” said Sam
“Uhhhhh,” said Homer.
“I know what you mean. People say that there is a twin out there for all of us. How about coming over for a drink?” asked Sam.
Going over to Sam’s home, they had a drink and Homer realized that his gauze was completely wet.
“You must really be sick Homer. You are completely soaked. You had better go home and lay down,” said Sam.
Homer went back home, realizing that he could not drink anything without leaking. He could not eat anything either. When he ate anything, the food could not be digested. All he could do was open up the flap in his stomach and throw out the undigested food.
Going into the bathroom Homer looked at his teeth and noticed how rotten they were looking. Going to the phone he dialed the dentist office and Betty the receptionist answered.
“Good morning! Hometown dentist office, how may I help you?” Betty was always so pleasant.
“Uhhhhhhhh,” Homer said.
“Hi Homer! I heard you were buried last week. I guess it was somebody else. We have an opening today at 2 p.m. See you later.” said Betty as she hung up the phone.
Later that day, Homer walked down the street to the dentist office, and ran into Pastor Pam.
“Hi Homer! I thought that I did your funeral last week and I thought I did your burial too. I guess it was somebody else. After a person buries so many people they all start looking alike. See you at church Homer,” said Pastor Pam as she walked away.
“Hi Homer, have a seat and we will be right with you,” said Betty.
Homer sat down to wait his turn and soon he was in a room with Bonnie who was checking his teeth.
“Ok Homer, open up so we can see what is going on,” said Bonnie.
Homer opened up his mouth and a gust of bad breath came out of his mouth.
“Homer! Your breath smells like something from the dead. I will let Dr. Hanson know about this,” said Bonnie.
Soon Dr. Hanson came into check Homer’s teeth.
“Hi Homer. I sure am glad we managed to get that problem sorted out about you being buried. We know now that you are alive since you are back on our books. Now let me see what is going on with your teeth,” said Dr. Hanson.
Dr. Hanson looked inside Homer’s mouth and said,
“Homer, your mouth looks like you have been eating a whole load of soil. I will give you something for that bad breath, but I want to see you back here in a couple of weeks. You call to make another appointment,” said Dr. Hanson.
Homer went home and stayed inside for the rest of the week. When Sunday came he walked to church and sat in the back. He watched as people came into the church and went to the front not realizing that Homer who was by now decaying was sitting in the back of the church.
Homer had put several of his decayed fingers into his pants pockets and he could do nothing with his arms or legs which seemed to want to go in all different directions. The church service went on as usual and nobody noticed Homer Peabody decaying into a pile of dust on the back pew.
As church service ended, the congregation was filing out when Sally Ann noticed the pile of dust on the pew. Motioning to Pastor Pam, they all looked at the dust and clothes. Sally Ann picked up the clothes and said,
“These look like somebody was buried in them,”
“That is a big pile of dust. How in the world could the cleaners miss all of that?” asked Pastor Pam.
“These look like the clothes we buried Homer Peabody in,” said Sally Ann.
“Oh that is just plain silly. I suppose he climbed out of his burial hole and came out to change his clothes or come to church,” said Pastor Pam.
They all laughed hysterically, then suddenly stopped. Nobody said anything for they were all thinking about Halloween night and Homer Peabody.