Turtle Tricks

Chloe wanted to teach her pet turtle, Frankie, to be intelligent. He could follow a routine of walking up and down ramps set up for him but she wanted more. She wanted a trick turtle to perform shows to her friends.
“You must be careful, Chloe.” I insisted. “They can be vicious and bite you.”
I learned this from Wikipedia. Turtles really do not like to be handled often and their brains are not advanced enough to learn too many tricks.
Chloe laughed at me. "What do you know about turtles, Dad?".
Her attitude soon changed when she came crying to me with her bleeding finger wrapped in tissue paper. But it was not enough to deter her.
“I will give Frankie some space.” She suggested, as if having just read the Mumsnet Guide to raising toddlers. “He needs time to like me.”
Chloe then decided to give Frankie a party to celebrate his first birthday. It would form part of a bonding exercise to learn more tricks.
This obsession of my three year old daughter was beginning to irritate me. She would remove him from the cage and begin her teaching regime, then become distracted while Frankie did his business around the house.
Fortunately, because turtles are notoriously slow, he would not travel very far but with the clutter of furniture and toys to negotiate it could take a while to find him, sometimes days.
Finally, I put my foot down and almost stepped on Frankie. Chloe screamed and I packed him up with his cage and took him to Animal Rights.
“He is being raised as a circus animal by my three year old daughter.” I confessed.
They took him in and gave Chloe visiting rights. She soon lost interest.