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Rated: 13+ · Chapter · Comedy · #1846775
Now for chapter 1
Chapter 1: The wizard dies


It was a summer day like any other.  School was out, the birds were singing, the trees and the grass were greener than usual, yadda yadda yadda. It was one of those days that made you want to relax and enjoy life.

I decided to do so by skipping work and watching whatever was on BBC America.

By the time the sun was starting to set, I got a call from Frank. He told me to grab a pair of gloves so I don't leave any evidence at the crime scene, and meet him at a street that will remain unnamed.

So I took a bus down to the street where he told me to meet him. Unfortunately, my bus pass expired, so I ended up paying the costly price of $1.50. I finally get there and Frank tells me "You're wearing gloves, right?"

"Yeah" I tell him.

"Good. Follow me."

Frank led me a few blocks down to a large blue house with a large, closed gate and a jungle gym in the back that looked like it hadn't been used in years. Despite the description I just used, the place looked rather elegant. The place had a large, empty driveway; two stories; and many windows. (The way the house looked doesn't exactly stick to my memory, though what occurred there definitely did).

"What're we doing here?" I asked.

"I need you to go ahead and wait somewhere nearby. I'll send you a message when I want you to come over here."

Normally, I would've cooperated, but you have to remember; Frank is from a family of what is essentially, serial killers. The fact that we're in front of someone's house only worsens my suspicions.

"I could've sworn I told you that I won't help you kill anyone" I said.

"You have to understand, this person who lives here is in no way a harmless wizard"

"Really?" I said without a hint of sarcasm in my voice.

"Have you heard of those church choir kids who have been going missing recently?"

"No"

"Well, this man has been killing innocent children for years, and I have proof"

"So why don't you just call the police?"

"Cause the court already declared that he was innocent, and no amount of prison time would ever be enough of a punishment"

"I doubt that"

"I'm telling you, that man is nothing but a killer"

"No, I mean the part about jail. Do you even know what goes on there? Just imagine being trapped in a soundproof room for years, with nothing but a bed, a toilet, and very bright fluorescent lights. And don't even get me started on what goes on in the-"

"That still won't be enough of a retribution. This man needs to burn for all of eternity"

"I don't know....won't giving him a one way ticket to hell make us no better than him?"

"You won't have to do a thing. I'll kill him off, you'll just help look for his spellbooks. I'll pay you three times more than I usually do"

"Deal"

So I walked off just like he told me to. This should be good, I thought to myself, We do society a favor, Frank does all the work, and I end up making a few hundred bucks. Though, something about the story he told me did seem a bit familiar.

So I waited at a quick stop not so far from the house, and ended up having to explain to the shit-brained clerk why Dr. Who is a better time traveler than Bill & Ted. (I apologize for the language. It's just that whenever I'm in a debate about serious subjects such as this, I tend to become a bit of a foulmouth)

About half an hour later, Frank called and told me to run over to the house. Night had already begun; and when I got to the house, the gate was opened, and a tan Mercedes-Benz was parked in the driveway.

I walked up to the door and Frank answered

"Hello sir," I said before Frank was able to say anything, "Would you like to hear the good news about God?" (On a side note, it is impossible to say this with a straight face. I don't know how Mormons do it. Wait, those are Mormons who go up to your door, right?)

"Hurry up and get in." He replied with a look of anger on his face. Apparently you have to be a sane person to have a sense of humor.

I walked in and Frank closed the door behind me. "Are you still wearing your gloves?" he asked.

"Yup"

"Good, I don't want you leaving any fingerprints all over the place"

"Where's the money?"

Frank sighed and pulled 3 $100 bills out of his pocket.
"Remember what I told you, search the place for any spellbooks or artifacts." He said as he handed me the $300, "And don't be afraid to ransack the place. It needs to look like a robbery"

"Isn't that kind of what we're doing?"

"Yes, but the murder needs to look like an after-thought"

"Oh, well as long as you killed him reluctantly".

(Did I forget to mention that Frank doesn't like sarcasm?)

I managed to get away before he was able to react.


If the outside of the house looked huge, the inside was much bigger. The front area, which consists the lving room, dining room, and kitchen; was roughly the same size as my house. Though the rooms were small, there were enough of them to house many maids, housekeepers, and butlers (and if you're hiring Mexicans, it shouldn't be an expensive quota to fill).

I found a library and searched around for a spellbook. The search came up negative, but I almost found one. However, upon closer inspection, I discovered that it was an adult novel with a fake cover taped on the front. I would've kept it, but then Frank would rip it out of my hand burn it.

I lurked around a bit more and found a home office. The place looked pretty nice. It had blue wallpaper, a wooden desk in the center of it with an iMac and an open wallet on top of it. The place could've been relaxing if it weren't for the bleeding corpse in the corner.

Don't I know that guy?

I went closer to the corpse and was shocked by who it was.

The adventure is continued in Chapter 2, Frank killed Alan's boss! http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1846790-How-to-kill-a-wizard-chapt...
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