Please Don't Go

Kelsey

My Dearest Kelsey,

Not a day has gone by that I don’t think of you. I know I’m hurting you by being away, and I can assure you that I’m hurting with you. Its dark here and there is an eerie feeling I get when I step out of my tent. I lie here on my cot thinking of your beautiful face, of the smell of your hair, and the warmth of your body as if it was up against mine. These thoughts are what keep me going, and you are my strength to go through each day. My motivation to do everything I can to come home sooner. What I miss most is your voice, the way it would send chills down my spine from the slightest sound of it. I wish I could pick up the phone and call you, but we both know what those consequences would be…
I can’t wait for the day when I get to hold you in my arms again, when I can sleep next to you in a warm bed, and go out on dates and show you off to the world. I’m so happy that I have you in my life, and I thank you for sticking by me. I’m sorry that I can’t tell you where I am, but I want you to know that I am safe. I hope the states are treating you well, and I hope the city is kind to you too. How is work going? How is your family? Please tell me what is going on in your life.
I know that this is almost a month off, but I’m going to say it anyway in case I don’t get the change to. Happy Anniversary, I love you.

Love,
Chad


She re-read the letter, trying to feel something aside from the tears trickling down her face and hitting the paper in front of her. Kelsey began wiping the tears away, but gave up as even more began to run down her burning cheeks. Her heart ached as she read the words written in Chad’s familiar writing, thinking about how much she missed him. For the past year Kelsey and her boyfriend Chad have only been able to communicate through letters, which was a hard adjustment compared to the several phone calls they used to exchange. Her heart would race with every letter, but now it felt like a hallow shell, a void that can't seem to be filled. The letters between them only said how much they missed each other, and how good it’d feel to be together once again. With every letter, Kelsey hoped to see the words that would tell her Chad was coming home, that they’d no longer have to endure a long distance relationship, the only type of relationship they’ve ever gotten to share together. Instead, their letters explained their love for one another, and how he feels horrible for dragging her through the pain of being apart for so long. The letters were always beautiful, but heartbreaking at the same time. They were a sure message to her that she’d have to go yet another day, another week, another month without seeing him.

She opened the drawer to her dark wooden night stand and placed the letter among his others, she kept them there so that when she lay awake worrying about him, thinking about him, wanting him; she’d have his comforting words there to confide in. Before dropping the letter upon the others, she immediately brings it back and reads the last sentence he wrote, Happy Anniversary, I love you. She closed her eyes and folded the letter up and placed it in the drawer among the others, trying to picture what a real anniversary would be like if Chad were home. It would be a day filled with love; they would go out to a nice restaurant and drink champagne; and she would wear the black dress in the back of her closet, one she planned surprising him with when they could spend time together. It’s a tight fit that shows a woman’s curves with elegance, one that would make Chad want to take her home before dinner even started. Instead, she’ll spend the day alone in the company of friends just like every other day, like she’s been doing for the past four years.

She lied down on her bed as she stopped the tears from streaming past her eyelids, turning off her emotions. Kelsey ran her fingers through her messy hair and reaches for a tissue to dry her face when she reads the time displayed on the clock beside the box of tissues. She’s late for work, but after a few minutes Kelsey decides she can’t face work or anything beyond her apartment walls today, not with Chad’s newest letter in the back of her mind. She retrieves her cell phone and makes a quick call to her boss who she’s sure will understand her agony.
“Hey Natasha, I’m not going to make it in today,” Kelsey says as her voice trembles with disappointment. Without saying another word Kelsey ends the call and tosses her phone behind her, making it land in the bed of used tissues before getting up for the day.
Kelsey lived in a decently sized one bedroom apartment, it was poorly decorated because she often jumped from one apartment to the next and never saw any real point to details such as painting, buying wall décor, or framing many pictures. Ok, there were a few but only the important ones that hung in plain black frames sporadically throughout the apartment. And she lacked furniture; she only purchased one couch because she didn’t have visitors over very often, a TV stand beneath her 55” flat screen, and a book shelf filled with movies. She turned on her coffee pot and sat at her high top kitchen table, trying to forget about the letter that was haunting her from the other room. She usually hated being alone, it made her thoughts circle around her mind like a vulcher stalks its pray, but with Chad’s newest letter all she wanted was to be alone.
Kelsey drank her coffee, made herself a plate of scrambled eggs and toast before she decided to go for a jog around the City Park, a popular spot for those that wanted to escape from whatever troubles they had in their lives. She put on her spandex yoga pants, a baggy t-shirt and running shoes before heading to the park, with her long brown hair pulled back into a bun on the top of her head. She stepped onto the paved path that curved throughout the park, the smell of freshly cut grass and bloomed flowers was overwhelmingly comforting. She weaved through the park passing a playground that was filled with children’s laughter, a designated picnic area with happy families, and benches that were evenly outlining the path for resting and enjoying the scenery. Kelsey pushed herself forward, passing all of it by and nothing thinking twice about stopping, it was like she was trying to run further from her emotions, from her problems she was faced from her life, she was desperately trying to get away. Kelsey, like most of the parks guests, didn’t just love this place for the open space and fresh air, but for the freedom and peace if brought to her. Her mother used to bring her and her younger and only sister here every Sunday, they would play on the playground then walk the path, her mother always expressed the importance of exercise. Kelsey reached an untouched pond that glistened beneath the sun, she stopped to control her breathing, soaking in the moment. This pond had a place in her past, her and her sister used to come here to feed the ducks that swam by, and sat on the bench Kelsey sat on, she ran her fingers over the carving of their names, remembering how simple life once was before Chad walked into her life. She loved him, deeply, but the pain was consuming her, she felt nothing except the dull, old wood beneath her fingertips.

Kelsey allows herself to rest on the bench for a few minutes until continuing her jog; the path circled the pond until it reached the starting point. Normally, this is where Kelsey would head home, but something causes her to walk the path a little longer to the picnic area where she spots a fairly young couple. They're both smiling while adoring a cute baby girl that’s wearing a pink dress with a white bow sitting on the top of her head, her parents encouraging her as she tries to crawl. They looked so happy with their new family; and the look in their eyes was more than convincing that they're madly in love. Even though she didn’t want to, but Kelsey envied them, envied their life. And it wasn’t their new family that she was jealous of, but that they're together. They’ve managed to survive the world together, and happily from the looks of it, something she doesn’t have with Chad, something she may never have. She thinks how different life would be if Chad were here with her instead of in the Army. Would they still be together, would they be engaged, living together, starting a family? The possibilities were endless, but she forces herself to forget it because it didn’t matter because they’re not living together, they’re not engaged, and they’re definitely not starting a family. She knows she shouldn’t even be thinking about this stuff, because given her state this morning she was already in bad shape, and now it’s even worse.

Kelsey returned to her apartment and headed straight to the answering machine, the red light was flashing signaling there were missed calls accompanied by a voicemail. She knew it was her Mom, she used to call once a week, but they've become more frequent as she senses how alone she’s been feeling. But instead, she hits the delete button to clear the message, and decides to call her best friend Michelle instead.
“Hello?”
“Hey Michelle, sorry I had a busy day and I missed your-” Kelsey began to say.
“Oh it’s no problem, I wanted to see if you wanted to meet me and the girls here at my house instead? We’re going to cook dinner, watch some TV, and have wine like old times, doesn’t that sound like fun?” Michelle offered, excited.
“Yes that sounds great, I didn’t go to work today I just hung out around the city park and what not, not having the best day today.” Kelsey admitted in a calm, low voice.
“Well you’ll have to tell us about it tonight, see you soon,” she said abruptly and then hung up.

Michelle

“What’d she say, Michelle?” Andrea asked as soon as Michelle ended the call.
“She said she’s coming, but she sounded pretty upset,” Michelle replied.

Michelle, Andrea, and Angela are Kelsey’s best and oldest friends; they’ve been friends since grade school and have stuck together through everything life has thrown at them. But lately Kelsey’s been taking the heat in life and has drifted far from those that love her most. The girls knew her relationship was to blame, but regardless how much they pry and offer their help just caused Kelsey to become more closed off.

“So she’s agreed to attend out traditional dinner?” Angela asked, seating herself on Michelle’s couch. Angela was gorgeous; she had light green eyes and flawless skin, and she never wore make-up a day in her life. Her wavy blond hair was pulled back into a ponytail that lay against her back. As any other set of twins, Andrea and Angela appear the same but are two completely different people. They have different styles, different ambitions and dreams, and opposite taste in men. They were never the type of twins that would wear the matching t-shirts to high school or like the same boy or do the same activities. Even though they are each other’s best friend, they also have different interests. Andrea was into science, which is something none of us could understand. She graduated college from Brown University with a 4.0 and her Bachelors in something about science. Angela, on the other hand, loved to write. She had written many short stories in high school and was working on her first novel after graduating with her bachelor’s in journalism. She worked for the newspaper in our city as a journalist, which was always her dream.

“We haven’t kept that tradition in over a year, I honestly forgot about it until now,” Andrea stated. Back in college, the four girls agreed to have dinner once every two weeks to catch up on what life at times kept them from each other. Each girl would host the dinner in rotation, and being the host they got to choose the meal that was cooked. The tradition fell short, and none of the girls wanted to speak it out loud, but it was Kelsey that grew far from the tradition. The others continued the dinner, but after a few months it didn’t feel right.
“Well Kelsey needs us to continue it again, and even though she will never admit it she needs us now more than ever. We need to try and keep her mind distracted,” Michelle said.
“And if she’s stuck in her slump?”
“Andrea, we are her best friends. If we are truly that to her then we will do nothing except keep her mind from Chad,” Michelle exclaimed.
“So would this be a bad time to tell her about my news?” Angela asked, confused and worried written upon her face.
“No, it’s perfect. Surrounding her with joy is what she needs, and hopefully she will rejoice as we will,” Michelle said.
“Michelle,” Andrea said, looking at her sister. “We’re worried that the news will send her off the deep end.”
“And why do you two think that?”
“Because hearing that Angela is engaged isn’t something I would want to hear if I hadn’t seen my boyfriend in months. This will push her into that black whole we’ve feared she’d fall into. I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Angela admits. Michelle considered this, but then immediately rebuttled.
“Well I don’t. She’s a strong woman, and because she’s a good friend she will be truly happy for you Angela. She will handle the situation with grace, and will more than likely keep in her own troubles in support for you,” Michelle said proudly, defending her beloved friend Kelsey.

Although all four of them were best friends, Michelle was the closest with Kelsey. It pained Michelle to see her dearest friend in so much pain, to see the person she once knew fade into the darkness in the blink of an eye. Kelsey was independent, incredibly smart, has the biggest heart, someone Michelle inspired to be. Suddenly Kelsey wasn’t the strong, independent woman she once was. She seemed so lost and alone, and even though Michelle tried to hide that fact she could no longer ignore it. Kelsey’s wellbeing was at stake, and Michelle knew she had to help her get back to her old self. She was unsure what that would entail or what lengths she’d have to go to in order to bring her best friend back.




K

elsey


Kelsey walked into Michelle's house to the buzz of what seemed to be a juicy conversation. Even though she slammed the door behind her, nobody seemed to notice, their conversation carried on undisturbed. Kelsey’s presence wasn't acknowledged until she walked over to the kitchen island where the other three girls were grouped, she tore the wine bottle from Michelle's grasp, causing a sudden stir in their conversation. As she poured herself a glass of wine, Kelsey though about her drinking and how it has drastically increased in the past few months. She wasn’t an alcoholic to any extent, but had been drinking more frequently than before and it seems to help her sort through the problems she was faced with. Actually that’s a lie; she doesn’t use it to sort through her problems, but uses it to escape them. Because a few hours away from her own thoughts was better than drowning in them.
“Kelsey!” yelled Michelle, wrapping her arms around her. She felt the warmth of friendship that could bring tears to her eyes, but Kelsey was done with shedding them. Besides, she couldn’t let her friends see her pain, at least not yet.
“Hello ladies, how is everyone?” Kelsey asked as she set the wine bottle down after practically filling her glass.
“Good, just getting a head start waiting for you to get here,” said Andrea.
“I can see that. So what’s for dinner?” Kelsey asked, tasting the wine as it passed her lips.
“We’re cooking shrimp, Angela’s favorite,” said Andrea, which was directed towards her twin sister.
“So what’s the special occasion?” Kelsey asked.
“Well Kelsey, Angela has some very special news that she would like to share with you,” Michelle says as she starts to bounce up and down. Her lips are fighting back blurting whatever Angela is about to tell me.
“I’m engaged! Soon to be Mrs. Novak!” Angela yelled, and simultaneously Andrea and Michelle began to scream. Kelsey knew Angela was serious with Doug, her now fiancé, but didn’t know they had gotten to that point already. But once she thought about it, they’ve lived together since she met Chad, so it seemed only natural they’d take the next big step. Maybe she didn’t notice because she didn’t want to notice, and she was happy for her friends but tried not to pay attention to it. It was probably jealousy she had deep down, knowing they had something she could never have with Chad.
Kelsey felt herself fade into the background as they screamed and hugged Angela. Kelsey couldn’t help but be silent, and she knew it was selfish, but didn’t have it in her to jump for joy for her friend. She hasn’t been able to see or hear Chads voice in months, and yet she was expected to be giddy and happy to hear that someone else’s love life is more spectacular than her own? But she knew for her friendship and sanity, she needed to be excited for Angela.
“Congratulations Angela, that’s amazing. How did he do it?” Kelsey asked with a forced smile.
“Well, it happened this morning. I woke up and was lying in bed, watching Doug shave in our bathroom. I called him over and climbed on top of me, giving me a romantic, tender kiss. I looked in his eyes and told him how happy he made me, and he said, ‘You want to know you happy you make me? Every time I look at you, I see our future together. I don't like thinking about even having to lose you, and I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. Will you make me a happy man, and give me the honor of making you my wife?’ He then slid a ring into my hand as he kissed me once again. I shot out of bed and examined the ring he had put in my hand, and that’s when he took it from me, and took my hand. He told me that I changed his life and he couldn’t imagine waiting another day to ask me to marry him. I said yes, and he slid this ring on my finger!” she then held out her left hand, showing off her engagement ring. It was everything you’d pictured it to be, simple but elegant. The diamond was big, but not gaudy. It was beautiful, and of course, shiny. It was the perfect engagement ring.

The girls leaned in to examine the ring as Kelsey’s mind became occupied by the wedding plans Angela was about to ask them to help with. “He has great taste,” Kelsey says while gawking at her precious ring.
“Will you ladies be my bridesmaids?” Angela directs the question to Kelsey and Michelle. They both nod, Michelle with more excitement. When Michelle looked over at Kelsey, her face went from excited to sad in a moment of seconds.
“Oh Kelsey…” said Michelle with hesitation, tip tearing towards the elephant in the room. Kelsey looked up at her to find the concerned best friend she was in need of all day. “You got a letter didn’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Sweetie I’m so sorry, I didn’t even realize,” Andrea said with genuine concern, flashing back to the conversation they had before Kelsey’s arrival.
“It’s okay guys, you don’t need to be worried about me I’m fine,” Kelsey says trying to distract the attention away from her.
“Are you sure you’re going to be ok?” Michelle asked. The truth was, all Kelsey wanted was to scream that she wasn’t going to be ok and that she was rotting away inside, but this was Angela’s night and she wasn’t about to ruin that for her.
“Yes,” Kelsey said, more sternly than the last trying to drop the subject, but she should have known better as to think they would believe her. No matter how hard Kelsey tried to convince others she was going to be ok, it dawned on her she was only trying to convince herself.
“Does he know when he will be back?” asked Andrea, taking a large drink out of her wine glass and looking at Michelle.
“No, I haven’t gotten an answer yet. Actually, I don’t even bother asking anymore, because I know I’ll be disappointed. Yes I get down but that is only because I love him so much and I just wish he was here with me. His tour is up in a few months, so hopefully that is when he is home for good.” Kelsey said with a quivering voice, her insides shaking. She winked at Angela, which made her radiant and that soon-to-be newlywed glow returned.
“Really, Angela, I am really happy for you. You and Doug seem perfect for each other, and you deserve a happy future together.” Angela walked over to Kelsey and gave her a friendly hug, her light breathing gets caught on the lump in the back of her throat. Kelsey closes her eyes, turning her emotions off in order for her to prevent herself from crying. This day already took too many tears from her, she wasn’t about to leave it have anymore. “No more crying, this is supposed to be a night of celebration.”