Two Shades of Indigo

“I deserve this; I’ve worked hard for this; I am the best,” thought Jessica.  This mantra of hers had become something of a normal routine.  Every morning she felt that she had to say it, much as someone with obsessive-compulsive disorder must perform their specific tick.  She really was qualified for her job despite the fact it was in a male dominated profession.  The sheer nature of business required those practicing it to be emotionless, strong, and decisive.  All women can survive in such a cut throat profession, but only those like Jessica Wallace flourish.

Jessica graduated from the University of Chicago with a business degree.  Freshly removed from her late night sorority crush parties and fraternity socials, she adapted to life as a professional business woman quickly and exceeded expectations in her internship for Indigo Partners, LLC.  She traveled the world analyzing future investment opportunities.  She only chose three businesses to invest into but made a ten to one return.  The next closest intern barely broke even, while the average full time employee made five to one.

Needless to say, Jessica was offered a full time position with a salary she couldn’t wrap her brain around.  During the next twenty some years at Indigo, Jessica’s average return may have dwindled to eight to one but her job positioning neared the top.  At forty-five she was next in line for the vice president position.

Why she had to practice her mantra day after day, despite her proficiency that no colleague could match was a mystery.  Unfortunately enough for Jessica, her success in business was much the opposite of her success as a woman.  She had no husband and no children.  Jessica’s problem was that she treated all the men like an investment opportunity and quickly weeded out the ones that failed to meet her exacting requirements.  No plea on their end could cause her to second guess a choice once she had made up her mind. 

The main problem which constantly ran through Jessica’s mind was the fact that she was middle aged and the window to conceive a child of her own was quickly dwindling.  A husband seemed almost insignificant at the time since her biological clock would toll before the one counting down her ability acquire the title of Mrs. would.

It wouldn’t be totally unreasonable to assume then, that the scene unfolding at the moment of her mantra was the conclusion of one created for the explicit purpose of conception.  Why else would she allow a twenty-three year old male to lay in her bed covered from the waist down by wrinkled bed sheets?  She stifled a blush when she noticed him in the mirror notice her.  No matter how attractive Jessica knew she was, the wanting look of the equally attractive male boosted her confidence.

She buttoned the top button of her pinstriped business jacket that fit flatteringly above her matching knee length skirt.  Her tanned skin contrasted beautifully; a feature that wasn’t lost on the youth she turned to and approached.

“The door locks on its own when you decide to leave.  Take your time, have some breakfast, everything’s in the fridge.”

“What if I decide not to leave?  Maybe I want tonight to be a repeat.”  He smiled confidently.

“No, my week is busy.  It’s not possible.”

“The weekend then?”

“Look, I can’t see you again.  I have to go.”

She left without giving him a chance to object further.

Three weeks later Jessica’s pregnancy test came back positive.  She, to put it lightly, was conflicted.  The baby was the offspring of the male she left alone, that much could be sure.  He was a smart, handsome, and athletic intern that had acquired the same position she started in.  His genes, now meshed with hers, would assuredly produce a child that would be far superior to the average.  That was why she chose him to seduce.  The timing was wrong however.  That was something she hadn’t considered.  In nine months when the baby would be due, Indigo would be in its busiest season.  She didn’t want to take maternity leave then. 

“Mr. Franke, I know it’s an inconvenient time, but I need a personal day tomorrow.”  William Franke, Indigo’s president, could tell something was wrong with Jessica.  Never before had she needed time off.  In fact, she often put in extra hours when even he decided to go home.

“For twenty plus years you’ve been a valuable asset to Indigo and have never missed a day.  If there’s something wrong, even if it’s personal, I want you to know that you can confide in me.”

“I’m pregnant,” said Jessica in as matter of fact a tone as she would have used to deliver a quarterly report.  “I need to address the situation.”

Normally, congratulations would have been appropriate but her demeanor was too harrowing.

“I’m not one to pass judgment on personal matters such as these, nor am I asking you to explain, but allow me to offer a tidbit of wisdom, as a friend.”

She acquiesced with a slight nod.

“Matters such as these are difficult at best.  You are a profoundly intuitive business woman; a fact that no one dares question.  That same intuition cannot be used to make decisions for your personal life.  This decision is permanent and can’t be changed.  So don’t justify doing something, even the wrong thing, for anything less than the right reasons.  You don’t want to regret it.  I would rather die than see Indigo influence you on a matter like this.  Take tomorrow and Friday off to think it over.  I’ll see you again on Monday.”

“Thanks Bill.”  Internally, Jessica considered his words; a fact which he could not perceive.

On Friday, when she dressed for the work she wasn’t supposed to be going to, her mantra changed.  “I deserve this; I’ve worked hard for this; it was worth it.”  For the first time in twenty years, a tear escaped her eye.