The Flaw

The stars are marvelously scattered across the sky, each shining in equal brilliance to one another. They are always brighter here than in the city, and I count them among the many attractions of this place. The soft yellow glow of the full moon only enhances the gleaming sparkle of the stars. The moon itself lights the sky lights the sky with a pale gaze that gives the field I’m laying in an almost surreal sensation. The occasional tree cracks the horizon, and I struggle to see past their haunting presence. Ciricled by forest I lay alone in paradise. So, again I return my eyes to the stars, their beauty is enchanting, binding me in a strong spell that fills my soul with perfect contempt. Never before had I felt so minute and, yet so very large. They instill in me the true size of the universe, how can I the single grain of sand in the desert, the water droplet swaying in the ocean, possibly carry any signifigance? How, In a universe so extremely large, can I matter? And, the answer I find myself concluding upon is that I don’t matter, but surprisingly I find that I am just fine with that. The more I stare, the more the stars appear to close in around, and eventually it looks as if they are within my seemingly small reach. I feel as if they are only a short distant distance away, and at that moment I feel as they could be touched, as if they were within my boundaries. At that very same moment my soul began to swell with pride, that I just the single grain of sand, I just the lonely water droplet, could touch the stars. Filled to the brim with self satisfaction I re-focus upon the sheer beauty of the night sky, the the overwhelming tranquility of the forest, and the silence of my own thoughts. My eyes are open, but I’m dreaming . A place of such captivating beauty and undisturbed peace can surely not exist upon this earth. But, despite the surreal perfection of my sorroundings I know this isn’t a dream, for I sense the sharp pang of lonliness consume my being. I feel as if my insides are being ferociously, and violently devoured by my own emotions. For, suddenly I realize the flaw, the missing ingriedient to my paradise. Love. I, unexpectably feel hallow, as I come to the conclusion that such beauty is meaningless and empty without the one you love to share it with. How I long for the one I love to be my side at this night, how I wish for her to be here, at my side, observing the night’s many wonders. I want it so much my stomach begins to churn, and my teeth quickly and tightly clench together, and my mind fills with self-hatred as I have no one but myself to bare witness to the haunting splendor of the stars. I reason that maybe I’m just not as good as the others, maybe I’m just not as attractive, charming, caring, and maybe I’m just not deserving. This feeling suits well within my moment of self hatred, and I tell myself to abdanon hope, and after this strenous moment of confusion, I once again become docile. The stars have lost their awe inspiring effect, and my paradise has been hopelessly shattered. Even though it seems as if my the entire world is telling me not too, I think of her.My whole body resists, and crushes any hope I once had, and, to my surprise, the strangest thing occurs, somehow, the slightest shimmer of hope survives. Maybe I have met her, maybe I haven’t, and even though I am not sure of who it is yet, I unconditionally love her. As I get up to leave I hope that I will comeback, and hopefully I will have her draped across my arms when I do. I turn back home , and as much as I try to resist I cant hold back a smile