Take Out

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The ship hovered over the park, the search beams low and concentrated, looking for a good place to land.

“I don’t like this, sir. This is not the designated area.”

“Blame the assholes in the Carto group then. If they were doing their jobs properly, we wouldn’t be looking for a new parking spot now.”

“To be fair, sir, you know how long that team has been stuck in a death march. They can’t release the new version until they get their bug counts down, at least below a thousand. I heard that the CEO himself refused to unchain them from their terminals until that new auto update feature stops crashing half the ships in the division. If the AV team hadn’t stumbled on that new protection algorithm in the last release, I don’t know what we would have done. There’d probably be nothing but twisted piles of platinum on every planet in the customer base.”

“We all know the risks of taking beta products out into the field. They should have done more testing before they allowed every overeager yahoo to download it. And we were just plain stupid to install it in all our own ships, when we knew it wasn’t ready for prime time yet.”

“I agree with you sir, but when upper management wants something kicked out the door, out the door it goes. You know how they love to promote eating our own dogfood, at least since Microblast and GooGooSearch made such a big deal about it.”

“Well, as the Carto team has been too busy writing new code to bother maintaining the existing maps, we’re just going to have to do this the old fashioned way.”

Deciding it was the better part of valor, Woz went back to his station. His boss had been so prickly lately, he was afraid to voice any further objection. His current status as the golden-haired boy did allow his superior a lot of latitude with company resources. So he wasn’t too worried about getting in trouble for this highly irregular and unscheduled trip. If the maps had been up-to-date, they could have landed, grabbed what they came for and been on their way home already. But the co-ordinates listed for the city designated as HUNT-AL-US-EA-MW in the ship’s database no longer brought them to a deserted zone, away from the populace.

They had both been surprised when a large number of heat signatures showed up on their sensors as the ship came coasting in. Arg, who referred to this place as Rocket City, swore and banged his fist on the console. Apparently the inhabitants of this planet were noted for their propensity to endlessly create new structures, abandoning the perfectly good ones they already had, while simultaneously destroying vital planet resources, like the plants that cleaned their air. The version of the map program that was currently loaded, one of the more popular products their company provided, was obviously sadly out of date. In place of the empty field they expected, there was now a large and circular, open air building. Brightly lit, some type of spring ritual seemed to be underway. Jason should have considered this possibility, but he just didn’t seem to be thinking very clearly in his current sleep-deprived state.

Arg, one of the best designers in the advance R & D team, had actually co-written the seminal paper on this species. The management team had commended him for the excellent research, but decided that the planet was not currently a viable target for their products. While it did show some promising signs as a new market, traits like those indicated it would probably be a long while before another marketing study was commissioned. And, of course, their appalling habit of maiming and killing each other didn’t help matters any. While it was not an uncommon act in the history of many of their current customers,most species had evolved past that kind of barbaric behavior much more quickly than this one seemed to be doing.

“Got it!” Jason exclaimed. “There’s a big enough clearing in the field over there, and it’s surrounded by trees. No heat signatures for at least half a klick.”

“Um, sir, rules state that no landings on non-customer planets should be made without a two klick margin of safety.”

“Stow it, Woz! I know this area, and no one here will pay any attention to some shiny object in the sky. Besides, we only have the parking lights on anyway. If anyone does see something, they will just assume its some kind of missile testing their military is doing and ignore it.”

“Missile testing, sir?” squeaked his subordinate, whose level of concern multiplied significantly at that piece of information.

“No cause for alarm, Woz. Nothing they got here can hurt us,” soothed Arg, in a much more conciliatory manner. “You take the controls and land us. I’m going to go change.”

He so seldom got a chance to practice with this make of ship on foreign soil, that Woz swallowed anything else he might have asked, thrilled for this rare opportunity. He began working his way through the landing procedures, immediately immersed in the task at hand. Just a short time after touchdown was complete, his boss returned. He was wearing gloves and outfitted in some kind of soft,gray hooded covering that had a large, red A stitched to the front. It hid his head completely, allowing only a small area of his face to show. What did show of his face was covered with a species-appropriate mask.

“Ok, almost ready to go. Open up the back door, Woz, and lower the ramp please.”

Woz had been intrigued when he had helped Arg load the red vehicle into the storage compartment before takeoff. Strangely, passengers had no protection from the elements as the top seemed to be missing. And the vehicle itself was very small. Woz couldn’t understand how it would be useful in the field.

“Who built this land-craft, sir? It’s most unusual.”

“Ford.”

“Ford? I’m guess I’m not familiar with that engineer, sir.”

“No, Woz, you wouldn’t be. It’s something called a Mustang, and it was built by a group native to this planet. I took a small chance when I was assigned here, and brought it home with me when the study was complete. The board graciously allowed me to keep it, as sort of a memento of my stay. Of course, I have since made several modifications. With this car and my costume, I’ll be able to blend in easily for the short time we’ll be here.”

“If you say so, sir.”

“Back in a flash, as they say. I'll call you if I run into any trouble.”

The captain jumped over the door and into the car. He backed it down the ramp, and spun away from the landing sight, spraying gravel for quite a distance. Watching him drive away, Woz became aware of the heavy wetness of the outside air. How do they breath this stuff, he wondered? Turning back, Woz went inside and retracted the ramp, closed the bay doors, and set the sensors to watch for any signs of life in the area. He locked in the co-ordinates for the flight home, eager to leave this neighborhood, and sat down to wait for Arg's return.

Already on level one hundred of the new Astari game he had only recently purchased, Woz’s concern was mounting. No communication had come in, and there was no response to the ping Woz had decided to send, less worried now about irritating his superior than getting some idea of what was going on. Perhaps I should start a scan, he thought, when finally the sensors began sounding the alarm. Relieved to see Arg waving to him outside the ship, Woz quickly got the ramp out to him. Soon they were strapped in and on their way home.

“Mission accomplished, Woz! You have no idea how much I appreciate your assistance tonight. Job well done, sir!”

Woz still had no idea what they had actually done, though he had contributed little, as far as he could tell. Other than login as the co-pilot required to fly this type of ship, and then land it when requested. The whole thing was probably above his pay grade anyway.



Juggling several white sacks in his arms, Arg entered his personal unit, relieved that the trip had been fairly uneventful. A voice drifted in from bedroom.

“Jason, is that you?”

“Yes, dear.”

Medea, stationed with him on that distant, but memorable field assignment was the co-writer of the award-winning industry paper What on Earth! A brilliant researcher in her own right, she was now his partner in life as well, though she currently was on leave from the company. Ahhh, the good times they'd had back then, studying the indigenous culture of that little blue planet. While unorthodox, the two of them had often gone out among the natives, being careful not to form any attachments to those uniquely feisty creatures. It wasn't like they could bring one home with them! But, it was the food there that was most memorable. So much food, so little time to eat. Of course, it was that very thing that had been the cause of tonight's little jaunt.

“What took so long, honey? I thought you got lost. Did you get me the pulled pork, and the beef brisket?”

“Yes dear, with extra sauce. In fact, I dropped my communicator in a vat of it, so I wasn't able to check back in with my co-pilot while I was waiting for the order at Gibson’s. I bet he was about to wet himself, when I didn’t check in for so long,” Jason chuckled. “But the place was jammed, and that order you placed was huge.”

“What about the pickles, did you get the pickles too?”

Jason sighed. He couldn’t wait until this pregnancy was over. Nothing she craved was ever available for delivery to their neighborhood, and he was getting a little tired of going out to pick up her take-out orders.