The Deadbeat Dad

The Deadbeat Dad





“Any fool can make a child, but it takes a real man to raise one.” - Author Unknown





Dear Dad,



How are you doing today? How is the weather? Is everything swell with you? I heard it through the grapevine that you were seen at the local bar last night and you were having a great time with friends. I hear that you have a new boat and a motorcycle. Man, I bet it’s really nice to go fishing whenever you want to now. Say, I remember the one time that you took mother and I fishing. I remember how you argued and made a fuss that you didn’t want to spend all day out there. I hear a lot of things about you. I can’t believe it’s almost been half a year before I seen you last. I hope things are as you want them and I wish you only the utmost happiest.

Oh, I almost forgot to introduce myself. I am your child. The carrier of your very genes. I bet it’s been awhile since you thought of me last. When was the last time you thought of me? Was it when you received the final notice from the electric company, stating that we would be without electricity within the next couple of hours? Was it when you “forgot” to go to the office and check up on the bills which were supposed to be my child support? Was it when you finished playing with your new fiancée’s child? Did you reminisce upon me when I was eight or nine years old, similar to her? No, I’m sure that you didn’t. You always ignored me, when you were still here that is.

Is your step-child beautiful? Is she the image of perfection that I never was? Is she too fat in your eyes? Is she too ugly or too stupid because she can’t comprehend fractions? How is she doing? Are you taking good care of her horse? I bet you didn’t know that I’m taking Equine classes now. I’ve learned a lot of things about taking care of horses. Remember when I wanted a horse? Remember promising me that you would buy me a Quarter horse? Just one more promise you broke. Are you making sure that she has shoes on her feet, food on her plate and warm, running water for her to bathe in? I’ve been wearing my shoes for awhile. I don’t have the luxury of buying a new pair twice a year, unless I find a cheap pair of flip-flops that I like. I usually purchase them with the money I make with the job that I’ve have since I was eleven. Sometimes I also go two or three days without eating, until we have some more money to buy groceries with. It was Hell when our electricity was shut off and I tried to bathe with cold water, in 30 degree weather.

I’ve noticed that you and mother like to argue a lot. I really took it heart when you said that you have “carried our asses long enough.” You’re sorry. It’s awful that you could leave me hanging like this. I’m sick of your hypocrisy and I’m sick of the lies. Did you feel any remorse when I asked you for a couple of dollars to eat with and you told me that “I can’t do anything except for ask you for money but never call you?” You don’t want me to call you. You are always “too busy” when I call or you “don’t care” what’s going on with me. It’s very cool to talk to your friends about mother and I, especially when you like to say how you “put everything in your mother’s name so that we couldn’t get a damn thing.” Well, I have a wake up call for you and your little friends. Y’all are absolutely pathetic for taking joy out of and laughing at that statement. I hope you know that there is a place in Hell for people like you.

I firmly believe that you reap what you sow. You have sown pain and misery upon me for seventeen long years. The glorious thing about it is, that you will reap pain and misery. May not be now, may not be a month from now, may not be years from now, but you will reap. I really don’t have long to sit here and write to you. I’m sure that you wouldn’t even give this a second thought. I have more to say and I think I should begin to end this paper with those thoughts. I had a friend drive me past the house that you and your girlfriend live in. It is magnificent. I’ve always dreamed in living in a mansion such as that. Instead, I come home to a little trailer that is beginning to fall apart. The water heater likes to break down, and at the end of the month I have to fear that the utilities will be cut off.

It’s sad that you tell my mother and I that you are living in that little shop. I’ve seen pictures on the Internet of the inside of that shop. I love the way that it’s set up. I love the big flat screen TV and the huge case of liquor in the back, behind the wet bar of course. You say you don’t have any heat or air in there? Would your friends like to party in those kinds of conditions? Of course not! However, it is very fit for me to sleep in extremely hot or cold temperatures when the electricity is cut off. You have no money. You are in so much debt. You can’t afford our bills anymore. You can’t pay my doctor’s bill or spare me ten dollars to eat with, but you can buy bottles upon bottles of liquor and keep up a bar.

Think of my face the next time you pick up a bottle. Think of the money you bought that bottle with and wonder if I have ate. How can you lie your head down at night and sleep? How can you sleep not knowing how I’m doing? Occasionally, I wonder about you. I wonder what it would’ve been like if you had been a daddy to me. Yes, you are my father but you have never been a daddy. You have no conscience. It’s always been a mystery to me how a man can father a child and lie his head down at night and not wonder how that child is doing, especially when he lives less than half an hour from them. What did I do to deserve this? I didn’t ask to be born. They say that God has a purpose for everybody who is cast upon this earth. I’m still seeking my purpose, however what’s yours? Has forty years here shown you anything beside the glory of partying? What is so glorious about it? What is so wonderful about getting drunk and waking up the next morning and feeling like you’re going to die? What is so wonderful about having sex with multiple women inside of a solid month instead of having just one to be faithful to you and love you? What is so wonderful about being deceitful to anybody and everybody you some across? Is it worth it? Are all of your insurance scams and business scams worth it? Is being alone worth it?

As a child, I am expected to honor my father. How am I to honor you? I don’t look up to you. I don’t want to be like you. To honor is to respect. I can’t respect you. I can’t respect you when you don’t live your life in the right way. I can’t respect you when all you’ve told me is no. How can I respect the one man in my life that is supposed to love me when all he has told me is how imperfect I am? I can’t respect you when your harsh words ring inside of my brain. Every “too ugly”, every “too fat”, every “too stupid”, every criticism that I took from you still replays when I try to live my life. To honor is to admire. I don’t admire you. I don’t build up your image to everybody like your family does. I can’t find it within myself to lie for you. I can’t greet the world with a smile while trying to stand by your side.

This letter has only enriched my thoughts and given me closure, therefore let me sum up my thoughts for you. Maybe there is a way in which I can honor you. I can honor you through example. You are the epitome of everything I strive NOT to be. By indirectly following your example, I can be the person I’ve always wanted to be. I can contribute to society in a better way. I shouldn’t let your cruel memories bother me while I still have a chance to blossom. I have to give myself a chance at bettering my life even if you don’t think you need to better yours. I may still take away scars and complexes, nevertheless, my future is still unwritten. I have a pen in my right hand and a notebook of many more blank pages lying on a table in front of me. You are a past chapter. Thank you for being the basis of the ultimate rags-to-riches story.



Sincerely,

Your only daughter.