I had to look to God and love myself being a lesbian |
I hate myself To the pits of hell I despise the one that I’ve become So big from gluttony God himself should come punish me I cry Scared of what my future may hold I try to do what’s right And I end up doing more wrong Running blind into the arms Of her When I’m married to him Our love bundled so tightly in sin But it feels right To kiss her lips And feel the tips of her nails Scratch down my back I’m under attack from her love I remember when we met So upset I dropped my phone on the floor I look up and saw the angel that stood before me I wanted to bow before her But the only one I should bow before is God Begging him for forgiveness and to have mercy on my soul Its time for me to pay my toll Because every ounce of sweat exchanged between me and her Drowns me further as I suffocate in sin My heart has yet to spin I yearn for her to lay with me Let me pick up the pieces and mend all her broken dreams But I cant Because as I leave and I know I must All her dreams will shatter and I will lose her trust So again I cry So burned by the flames that ignite me on the inside I try to deny the feelings that ride in my heart I remember the very first time I made love to a woman I was hooked Sucked in so deep I could hardly speak I could only feel the string of Lucifer pulling me to her Telling my heart and body to deny what God made so natural I devoured her Letting all of my strength over come my faith I succumbed to the devil when I should’ve been praising the lord Why did I have to get suck by this door of deceit This elevator of failure This blackness so deep my soul became the undertaker And everything gets heavy As my eyelids close And my heart stops beating A pair of wings wrap around me Securing me Bounding me To him So I wouldn’t think of her A voice whispered to me It will be ok And the next thing I feel is the whoosh of air As my lungs refill And an outward pour of my cries start to spill He spoke to me And saved me from myself When I could lean on no one else He lifted me with sympathy And disciplined me like the seed I was planted to be He touch me From the inside out I felt the presence His godliness so strong in my being You could never see him But he was always there Watching my faults and see my fails He took me by the hands and he told me he cares And at that very moment I felt my heart spin I love so deep for myself I never knew I had A beauty so pleasing to my eye I had to look away from the mirror Could that be me I see? And he answered yes I am beautiful, you are beautiful and everyone created in his image is beautiful So neon his eyes are the stars I pray upon I let him into my soul to show me the road I let him guide my movement and I step when he steps And he catches me when I fall I talk to God more often now Because I learned in my heart he will never let me down |