Yesterday I talked to Grandma

{i}center}Yesterday I talked to Grandma{/center{/i}



         It's been twenty years since Grandma died. It gets easier as the years go by, but you never truly get over it.  I didn't see Grandma much when she got sick so I only have good memories of her. When she first died I used to be so upset with my mother for not taking me to see her as often as she should have, but now that I'm older I understand.  I often imagine what my life would have been like if she were still alive, or is she proud of what I turned out to be. I feel as though I lost so much of me when she died, and that part of me has never been found.



         It seems as if my life has been on one downhill slope since she passed.  I made it through my horrible childhood and thought I was finally on the right track when I hit adulthood, but I was sadly mistaken.  Everyone kept trying to tell me that life had it's ups and downs like that, but I knew better.  I write letters to Grandma all the time but it's not the same as talking to her and hearing her words of wisdom.  I wasn't into my religion and going to church like Grandma taught me, so I started going and reading my bible a lot more.  This was a refreshing experience for me and I found a lot of peace with a lot of things, but it still didn't fulfill my longing to want to talk to my Grandma.  I knew that she could make everything wrong in my life right.



         I had reached the ultimate low in my life and couldn't find a rope to climb back up.  I cried for three days trying to figure out why me, what did I do wrong, how do I fix it, am I missing the message, and most importantly why did you take Grandma.  On the third day I was completely drained, there wasn't any fight left in my body, just unanswered questions.  I laid in bed with my eyes closed trying to clear my mind, then it happened, I saw her face clear as day.  I thought I was hallucinating so I blinked a few a times but Grandma was still there.  "Grandma, are you really here or am I dreaming?" I said.  She looked at me and smiled that contagious smile she always had. "I'm here baby and I always have been." She said to me in a loving tone.  "I have been right here with you throughout your life and I am so very proud of the woman you turned out to be." The water works started again, I couldn't control it my heart melted the moment she started speaking.  "Why did you have to leave me so soon, I need you here with me life is so hard without you." I sobbed to her.  "The Lord called me home so I can watch over you from heaven. Life wasn't easy for me either baby, but you have to learn how to adjust to change and jump over hurdles that my come your way."  She explained. "I know sometimes the road is rough but you have made great accomplishments in your life and you're not done yet.  I was elated when you started reading your bible and going to church again. You need God in your life to make it through this world and to meet me at the crossroads."  Grandma said. I stopped crying and smiled at her.  "So you have seen all my children, and you saw me go to college and everything?" I asked her.  She nodded, I felt like a kid again sitting and talking with my Grandma.  There was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, I was so happy to see her I could feel my heart smiling.  We talked for what seemed like forever.  "Now you keep your head up and keep doing what you doing and everything is going to turn out just fine.  By the time we meet again you will have your own grandchildren to talk with me about maybe even great-grands" we laughed. "Can I hug you?" I asked her. She came over and hugged me so tight, I could feel the tears coming again because I didn't want her to go.  I knew she had to leave, so I reluctantly let go, she kissed my cheek softly and started to walk away.  "I love you Grandma and thank you for loving me unconditionally." I said as she was walking away.  She turned around and said "I love you too, like only a Grandma can."  She blew me a kiss then she was gone.  I opened my eyes and on my night stand was a picture of me and Grandma when I was seven.  I smiled at the picture, then looked up and said "that was a great day wasn't it?" Just then I heard the ice cream truck song I used to hear all the time around Grandma's house, I knew I was going to be alright then.