Why me? (free form poem)

WHY ME? I know it’s cliché but what else can I say
that explains the piercing shard in the center of my chest?
They say the heart is on the left, but I say that can’t be right.
This moaning and howling that I can’t hold down in the middle of night,
begins in the pit of my belly, rises, and rests'
Right here, right here! In the center of my chest,
I hold it down by straightening my back, lifting my shoulders, and smiling.

It must be working because no one is worrying, about me.
They believe what they see and report untruths about me.
How, I’m so courageous and strong,
smart and independent, with a heart of stone.

I’m telling you that’s bull shit! Rhetoric!
Shit people say when they don’t want to deal with it!
He raped me! He took a child’s virginity,
he vandalized the most important thing I had going for me!
My dignity, Why me, why me?

Now how smart was I, to let him live?
How strong could I have been, as an 8 year old kid?
How courageous was it, too afraid to tell,
Afraid my mom would yell, afraid I’d go to jail.
Yeah, I was in “dependence” alright,
The ravishing of my heart went on over another 1095 more nights.

When it finally came to light,
the authorities said without an eyewitness I had no fight.
Said, HE had the RIGHT,
to refuse a lie detector,
to refuse DNA testing,
the right, NOT to remain silent but to vehemently deny it.

Said I should just move on. Cause prosecutors could even make me believe I was lying.
Over 30 years later I found her and she looks just like him.
And although he’s dead and free from the reflections of his sins,
Every night I’m still crying. Yes, he took that shit to his grave, well not me, I never forgot!
Why me? Why? Hell, why not?