Wake of the Storm

I keep trying to wake from this nightmare I've found myself in
Here, there are no scary clowns or men with guns
Only a dark reflection of someone I thought I used to know
 
Clouded eyes brought down waves of destruction and pain
Leaving chaos to tear apart the only happiness of the real world
And two hearts, once intertwined, left eternally scarred
 
The thunder comes after the storm and continues to rumble
Like echoes of cold stares, cold words and love's betrayal
And what once were sturdy pillars now waver in the wake
 
With each breath the happiness drains from this world
Leaving me with the constant reminder of my unspoken vows
Reminders of heartache and hope withered away to nothing
 
In this nightmare I am the monster. I broke my own heart.
And though the storm has passed and the waves have receded
I still feel the rain of guilt and shame pushing down on me
 
I know you're in pain and that you're awaiting another storm
Keeping your heart guarded to protect you from the worst of it
Nothing I can say or do will ever convince you it's not coming
 
In this respite I sit and wonder when this will all be over
When will the clouds fade and bring promise of the sun
But I know this is only the beginning of an endless winter
 
I've wanted to end it all every day since this began to end
And disappear to a place nobody will notice or remember to care
A place of black skies and crimson lines in the sand
 
So I close my eyes and picture my arms wrapped around you
And with a smile on my face my slow suicide breaks the chains
Leaving only the dark reflection trapped in a mirror forever