Backwards

I plan to downgrade my account, so I am moving my old novel "Backwards" into a series of essays, until I can upgrade again.


         Bonding time at school. It was during homeroom, our adviser has us form two circles-an inner and outer-with the chairs.
         It was one of those ice breaker games that had me perspire secretly and make my heart pound in excitement over the simple questions: “What are we gonna do?” and “Who am I gonna get paired up with?”
         Truly, every man was a boy at heart (which explains my excitement), and, being teenagers, our entire class was filled with people wondering whether we had already come-of-age or we were still in the peer group who didn’t meet the standards of a ‘normal teen’.
         The standards? Having the ability to define love and make people go: “Aww…” or “Wow!”
         That became the basis. The thing called “love” that people repeatedly defined in groan-inducing puns and cheesy lines takes from movies, but never took time to define for themselves.
         Love was their crowning glory. To the stereotypical teenager (and in my generation, even the real world teenager) to have a relationship was to climb up the social pyramid. When someone had a crush on you, it wasn’t you who got all the attention, it was the one who adored you.
         And the frequently asked question to the adorer was not, “Why?” but the undying question: “Kayo na?”
         That’s a Filipino term generally present in every gossiper’s vocabulary, with the meaning: “Are you two in a relationship?” implying that the two are ‘GF’ and ‘BF’.
         For the uneducated in teeny-bopper lovey-dovey jargon, ‘BF’ is boyfriend and ‘GF’ is girlfriend, two of the most misunderstood words in history.
         No civil laws ban twelve year-olds from having a BF, and there are also none that require you to have a GF before you turn 20.
         The twisted social universe just sees it as weird that a teen would not know the throbbing fervor in their heart that is “love”.
         Which leads me back to the classroom ice breaker game we had in Second Year High School, when I was 13 (don’t continue that line!).
         I assume our teacher assumed we all had our secret (our widely announced) crushes and asked us to take three steps to the left (the outer circle moving clockwise and the inner circle moving counter-clockwise) and ask the person nearest to you:
         “What do you find most attractive in someone?”
         Then the pair of people would share their thoughts about it. I remember I was paired with Gil (old elementary friend who didn’t connect as much nowadays, but whose fruits of friendship in the past never faded).
         We slapped each other a high five and I repeated the question: “What do you find most attractive in someone?”
         Gil thought for a second, he had his hand on his chin. His reply was: “Their face.” He gestured to his jowls.
         “Their cheeks?” I clarified, copying his movement, not trying to be rude.
         “Yes, yes.” He replied. “Ikaw?” he said “You?” in Filipino, “what do you find attractive in someone?”
         That had me think for a while. What do I find attractive…
         I thought of how I always stroked the friend girls at the ends of their hair.
         Hair is the first thing I seem to notice about girls, mainly because it separates their looks from us boys. And they always styled so uniquely (except for the ones who just let theirs flow naturally).
         But, no, that’s not what made me get magnetized to them.
         I thought of their eyes. Was it the windows to the soul that I saw most in a girl that infatuated me? I mean, it’s really hard to see directly into someone’s eyes when you look towards them. Sometimes they’re not even facing you or they’re too far away, besides, looking someone in the eyes is hard even for close friends.
         So, no, they weren’t eyes. And I imagined what I see in a girl the moment I see them walking from afar…and I found my answer.
         There was nothing (not literally) that I found more attractive than someone who carries herself with such confidence and self esteem; someone with a sweet disposition who was in good position.
         “Their back.” I answered.
         “Their back?” Gil said.
         I gestured to the back of my neck all the way to the shoulders.
         “Um, their hair?” Gil reacted.
         “No, the back.” I said, turning to the side and straightening my spine more.
         “Oh…” Gil said just as our adviser shouted, “Time’s up!”
         That meant we were gonna move to a new partner, but first, we had to share the answer of our current partner.
         Our adviser randomly picked students who would answer. The first pair was picked. “Miss,” as we would all call the female teachers of the school. “she likes boys’ eyes.” One of the girls said, making her eyes wide (for effect?).
         We all laughed. The girl’s partner answered “Miss, she likes the boys’ stomach.” demonstrating the “preferred stomach size” with her hands.
         Her partner gave her a friendly slap saying: “Not like that!” barely audible from the noise of laughter in the room. Typical Filipino classroom sharing.
         Our adviser moved on to the next pair.
         “Diego!” she said.
         I thought I had heard wrong. But then of course, there wasn’t anyone else with a name close to mine. Try it all: Lego, Fuego, Mego...
         She definitely said my name.
         “Um, Miss,” I said, standing up. Everyone’s favorite way to start an answer. “He *points to Gil* likes their face, their cheeks.” I said, pointing to mine.
         I looked at Gil, he was also pointing at his cheeks. Good, that means I’m right.
         “Okay, Gil!” the teacher chimed in her rather scratchy voice. “What did Diego tell you?”
         “Um, Miss!” Gil began. That IS everyone’s favorite way of starting a reply. “He likes there here.” Gil said, gesturing at the back of his shoulders, like I was a few moments ago.
         “Their hair?” my teacher clarified.
             No, this…                        the back.
         “Hindi, yung ano po,” he said. “yung likod.”
             Aah, so the girls Diego likes are all facing          …backwards!
         “Aah, de ang mga babaeng nagugustuhan ni Diego ay yung mga…nakatalikod!”
         …And the rest is history.
         The little misunderstanding caused me to wonder if it really is the back that attracts me to girls…or if they are more approachable when I can’t see their face (when they’re backwards).
         And that’s the legend of the title. I’ll never forget that experience (and in case I do, I’ll just read this book again) because it showed me something quite wonderful…
         Beauty is all over a person. When we answered, everyone had different opinions.
         It seems every part of a person’s being is worth care and appreciation…the heart especially.
         When we were doing the ice breaker game, no one said: “pass” or “nothing” or “the same thing she said!” because they took time to really think of their answer.
         Youth of our age will take anything seriously if it involves expressing love.
         There was nothing a teacher or parent could have in his/her arsenal than a lesson on love to integrate with some else he/she is saying.
         Even the sleepiest of (romantic-type) students could be jolted awake by the uttering of the word “crush” during a discussion (actually the word varies for different romantic-types [who were everywhere]. It could be “love”, “BF”, “GF” of “Marriage”).
         Of course the teacher might just be saying: “…and we use the mortar and pestle to crush substances into small bits…”
         Going back to the point, people around me (I think I’m also one of them) did things better because they did it for love…because they did it for someone else.
         And that was it. If we did everything in our daily lives for love and for someone else, we’d be doing it a lot better than if we did it for nothing or just for the sake of doing it.