Indeed, I Do, part 4

He turned and looked at me as he hung the dish clothes over the sink, his eyebrows lifting in admiration. He whistled,"You're looking mighty fine there little darlin." I curtsied and smiled back at him. He grinned back at me, kissed me swiftly, patting me on the behind, he took my hand and led me out the door. "Your chariot awaits.", he said opening the jeep door for me and helping me climb in.

Climbing behind the wheel, he grabbed the bag from my lap and threw it in the back. Putting the Jeep in gear he asked,"When are your parents going to be back?"
"They called while I was getting ready they said it would be tomorrow night before I would see them. Can you stay again?", I asked hopefully.
He scratches his chin in thought, grinning at me and said,"I think we can arrange that." Leaning over he kisses me leaving me breathless once again. I turned in my seat to stare at him while he drove.
"What cha lookin at?", he asked smiling.
"The sexiest man alive .," I grinned back running my fingers through his hair at the back of his neck.
"Is that right?", he asked laughing, shaking his head at me.
"You don't believe me?,"I asked incredulously.
"Hmmm, I believe that you believe that, how's that?"
"Oh Mr. Scott I do believe that you need to take your own advice. Tsk, tsk."
"What advice?" still grinning.
"Well, if I have to believe that I'm beautiful because you say so then you have to believe you're the sexiest man alive because I say so." I said, all smug and happy with myself.
"Sounds like a plan to me." he said turning on the road.

After a quick stop by his house to get his bathing suit and surfboard we finally made it to the beach. I was so excited. I knew everybody was going to be there and they would see me with Kyle. I couldn't wait to be seen on his arm. We unloaded our chairs, his surfboard, a cooler and my bag and headed down the pathway to the strand. We were holding the hands that were free of items. I saw my friends to the right, I started heading that way but he started heading to the left towards his friends. We looked at each other and laughed.
"The middle?" he asked raising his eyebrows in a question.
"Brilliant plan." I say.
We walk straight to the center and set up our area where we would be alone but between our friends. He helped me set up the chairs, with the cooler in between, his surfboard abandoned in the sand beside his chair. He walks up behind me just when I'm starting to take my coverup off and whispers in my ear, "See those guys playing football with your friends? Well they haven't taken their eyes off you yet, watch them as you take your cover up off. "
I roll my eyes at him and laugh, elbowing him lightly in the stomach. "Seriously, if you time it right, it could really be funny." he says laughing. He sits down on his beach chair, grinning, his arms behind his head, feet crossed at the ankles, like he's ready to enjoy the show. I step in front of him, put my sunglasses on, so he can't see my eyes, because honestly, I have now noticed these guys are eyeing me, I too want to see their reaction and I slowly, very slowly start to remove my cover up, making as much of a production out of it as I can without anyone knowing what I'm doing. Kyle's mouth drops open, he's licking his lips, the grin gone and I watch as Adam gets hit right in the face with the football. None of the guys have noticed Adam's demise because they are too busy watching me but Kyle and I do and we come undone. Laughing so hard I think I'm going to wet myself. Kyle's doubled over in laughter and his laugh is really high pitched, I'd never heard him laugh like that before. He high fives me while wiping his eyes,"Thanks for the laugh baby, that was great. Maybe I should go punch him now for drooling over my girl."
"I think the football handled that quite nicely don't you?" That makes us laugh some more. I put a towel on my chair and hand him the sunscreen. "Will you put my sunscreen on me please?", I asked laying on my stomach.
He gets up and I can feel him blob the sunscreen on my back.
"Good grief Kyle, you've used the whole bottle!" I say annoyed, rolling my eyes, knowing he'll never be able to use all that on me.
"Well excuse me, I'm just trying to do a good job of what you asked me to do Princess." he says, with a smile in his voice but then he starts rubbing the lotion in and it just feels so good. He moves my ponytail out of the way, working on my back and then he's rubbing the small of my back, up the sides. "Mmmmm, you are going to put me to sleep. That feels so good." I murmur.
Then he's rubbing my calves down, behind my knees, my thighs, my upper thighs, "Baby?", he whispers.
"Hmm?"
"Look up, you have a few admirers."
I turn my head to look and every guy is just standing there watching Kyle rub sunscreen on me, it's ridiculous. He leans down, kisses my cheek, removes his shirt, grabs his surfboard and runs to the shoreline. He is met by at least 5 different girls coming up to him to say hello to him. He looks sheepishly back at me and I grin at him an "I told you so" grin.

"Shelby! Why are you sitting over here?" I look up to see Brooke and Sarah standing beside my chair.
"Hey guys. I'm here with Kyle." I sit up, put my hands over my eyes in time to see him riding the wave on his board, how hot is that? A surfer. I've never dated a surfer before or a guitar player or a singer and he's all of those all rolled into one. I adjust my chair to a sitting position and grab the sunscreen applying it to my arms not taking my eyes off my surfing, singing, guitar playing hunk of a guy.
Brooke sits in Kyle's chair and looks at me expectantly.
"What?"
"So? Y'all could still sit with us ya know?"
"Yes, but see that group over there? They are Kyle's friends and he wanted to sit there so we compromised. We sat in the middle. His idea. Isn't he adorable?"
Brooke looked out at the water watching Kyle surf, he sent up a spray of water as he and his board went into the air only to come back down smoothly in the wave. My heart fluttered watching him.
"Wow. You are dating a surfer. A good surfer at that. Of course Adam surfs too but you know, not like that.", I could hear the awe in her voice.
"I know isn't he wonderful?" I agreed.
"Well, he's fine as hell I'll tell you that.", Sarah said licking her lips as she too watched him.
"And he's mine which makes it even better.", I sighed resting my back in my chair. We all three just watched him as he sat on his board waiting for the next wave. He seemed to feel our eyes on him because he grinned in our direction and waved. I blew him a kiss and he blew one back at me. I smiled hugging myself.
"So y'all are together now then?"Brooke asked.
"Yes." I said blushing as I thought of how together we actually were.
Her eyebrows flew up in response. "That together Shelby?" her voice going up a notch as she said my name.
I grinned but wouldn't look at her. She started to giggle then, I joined her and Sarah just looked at us like we were crazy and walked off not having a clue what we were talking about.
"So?" she asked in anticipation.
"Oh Brooke, you have no idea. I just couldn't help myself. When he kisses me I go weak in my knees, for real."
"Really?" she says unbelievably.
"Yes, everytime he kisses me. I have never felt like this around a guy. Not ever. He overwhelms me and I can't think and I love it. Oh Brooke, I'm in love with him. I know I've only known him for a couple of days, I know that but I'm telling you I love him."
She just gapes at me, hugging herself she turns her attention back to Kyle in the water.
I noticed her biting her lips and she turns back to me,"Adam doesn't make my knees go weak." She frowns and looks at Adam. He's watching us as he talks to some guy whose back is to us. He waves her over. "Ok Sweety, I have to go, we have to catch up and I mean soon!" She leaves me and runs to him. I close my eyes and sigh thinking of Kyle. I lay my chair down and soon I'm asleep.

I feel cold water splashing on me, on my face, my stomach, my legs, in my sleep induced brain I wonder if it's raining. There it is again, cold droplets of water rain down on me, I groan and open my eyes to see a very mischievous, green eyed hunk staring down at me. "What are you doing sleeping?" he grins and shakes his head vigorously sending cold water down on me.
"Ahh!" I scream and jump out of my chair.
"Come swimming with me.", he says grinning at me.
I eye him suspiciously, suddenly very awake. His grin is making me nervous and I watch in horror as he stalks me like a panther. I slowly back away, my hands held up like he's trying to rob me or something, "Kyle, what are you doing?"
"I'm taking you swimming."
"No, I don't want to go swimming. I was enjoying my nap." I yawn and stretch in that moment and he pounces on me. I twist out of his arms and take off running, squealing and laughing determined not to let him catch me. I don't get very far before I feel myself being lifted and thrown over his shoulder, he spanks me on the butt and takes off toward the ocean.
"Kyle! Put me down!" I yell, laughing and squealing hitting him on the butt for once.
"Not gonna do it!" he laughs back.
Stepping in the water, I can feel the spray of the waves hitting my legs and it's cold, really cold.
"Kyle! It's too cold!", I whine
He laughs an evil laugh and then we're falling into a wave. The cold hits me and I'm engulfed in sea water. It feels good after laying in the hot sun but I won't tell him that. I feel his arms encircle my waist as we rise out of the water. I wrap myself around him, my arms around his shoulders, my legs around his waist he's grinning at me like the cat who ate the canary but he looks gorgeous and I melt, it's just that simple.
"You're pretty proud of yourself aren't you?" I say grinning at him.
"Well, you know I like you all wet.", he says softly, still grinning but I feel it down there and desire hits me like southbound train.
"I have noticed that.", I murmur, my heartbeat speeding up, my breathing ragged.
He grins at me again and tightens his grip on me, "How are those knees?"
I tightens my knees around his waist and I say,"Useless."
He kisses me then, kicking us up as we ride an oncoming wave. Coming up for air, his eyes glance to the beach and he says "We have an audience." I turn in the direction he's pointing and both of our groups of friends are gawking at us, even pointing in our direction, open mouthed blatantly watching us.
"Well, you know what they say. Let's give them something to talk about." I whisper as I nibble his bottom lip.
His eyebrows shoot up and so do we as another wave approaches. "What did you have in mind?"he says grinning at me again.
"I'm sure we can think of something." He kisses me again and I feel his fingers slide under my bikini bottoms, sucking in my breath as his fingers sink into me. He's kissing me again, his tongue entering my mouth at the same pace as his fingers and I'm carried away again. I forget where we are, that we are in public, I don't care who might be looking, the waves drown out my moans and I melt into him once again.

"Kyle! How's it hanging man?" A voice yells close by, shaking me out of my dreamlike state and I turn to see a surfer paddling by.
"It's pointing north man. How ya been?" Kyle laughs his fingers still moving in and out of me and I'm finding it hard to focus.
The guy laughs, looks at me and says,"I hear ya man! Thinks are looking pretty good. So you're going to be helping Wes, I hear?"
"Yeah, I start tomorrow." His fingers move to my "hot spot" and I have to bite my lip to keep from crying out loud. I close my eyes instead and put my head on his shoulder.
"I hear he's pretty good to work for. He's got a great crew from what I hear."
"Where you working this summer?" Kyle asks keeping the conversation going as one finger strokes me, I gasp when another finger enters me, I bite him on the shoulder. He just grins in response.
"I've been helping Dan. He's an asshole man." With that statement his other hand moves to my behind and starts stroking me there too. It's too much. I'm finding it very hard to keep focused.
"Sorry to hear that. Have I introduced you to my girlfriend? Where are my manners?" Kyle says grinning and I hate him. Speaking of assholes. I turn to look at the guy again and smiling sweetly I run a hand down Kyle's arm and snake it into the water. I grab "him" and start rubbing up and down. Kyle clears his throat and his fingers ease up on me.
"I'm Shelby." I say to the guy since Kyle is speechless at that moment.
"Rick. Ok, you guys. Enjoy. Doesn't the water feel good today?"
I laugh and say,"I wasn't going to even come swimming but Kyle was determined that I get wet."
Rick laughs, shakes his head and says,"I saw that. It was all caveman style."
"Yeah, Kyle just loves it when I'm wet, don't ya baby?"
Grinning at Rick he says his eyebrows raised,"Indeed I do."
Rick grins back and they act like they think I'm stupid and have no idea what they are grinning about. Whatever. Rick paddles off after that.
"Now where were we before we were rudely interrupted?" he asks in my ear.
"If I recall correctly, "we" were taking a nap." I say opening the Velcro on his pants, sliding my hand in and pulling "him" out.
"But isn't this much. more. fun?" He asks moving my bikini over and sliding into me. I just moan in response. Leaning my head back, he kisses my neck and says,"Play it cool baby."
How am I supposed to do that? I lose myself in him, I can't think clearly. He's going in and out and we're rising with the waves and I'm being swept away.
"Look at me." I obey him and just seeing him makes me want to cry in that moment. He's so incredibly beautiful and I can't believe that he's picked me. I'm overwhelmed and I'm soaring feeling him inside me and filling me, I feel myself raising inside and on the wave. He's watching me and he seeing I'm getting there,"Put your head on my shoulder.", he says through clenched teeth. I obey and he's rubbing my hot spot again and I go over the edge only to have him join me as we ride the wave together.

___________________
Coming back to reality I focus on the papers before me, sobs wrecking my body as I stare hatefully at the enemy that is threatening to end us. Oh, how I long for those days 24 years ago. My need to rip these papers into shreds accosts me and I have to use every bit of the self control I've learned over the years to keep from doing just that. I wipe my eyes looking at my watch. He's not coming. I know he's not coming and that sends me into another wave of tears and anguish.

I received the papers this morning, they made my knees weak but he wasn't there to hold me up. These papers were stealing my life from me and I didn't know how to stop them. I wanted to come here, come back to where we first began. Back to our hideout, back to where I felt safe and where I had received the best of him and him of me. What had happened to us? Where had we gone wrong? I knew I was to blame, I knew because he had told me over and over. Oh, how he fought for us and I had just been oblivious to how desperate he was. Too caught up in life, in the kids, in the committees to truly hear him.

I had sent him a text to meet me here, desperate to be with him. That was an hour ago and he still wasn't here. Oh my white Knight, I would lose him and I couldn't breathe, all I could do was cry and moan, the pain too great.

I stuffed the papers back into the manila envelope and threw them as far as I could away from me. Hugging my knees to my chest, I continued to cry.

"Shelby?", he whispered his voice a caress to my aching heart. I pleaded in my mind for him to say my name again. Oh I ached for it. "Shelby!" This time his voice was irritated and too loud. I turned to look at him and he gasped when he saw me. His face showing his heart break at seeing me like this. It was fleeting and soon replaced by irritation but I had seen it and hope filled me. I just looked at him standing there, still so beautiful after all these years. His hair was cut short, his eyes still beautiful, I missed the twinkle of those eyes. His body was lean and muscled, raw need surged through me as I looked at him standing there. His hands were on his hips, his eyes narrowed, his jaw firm, the vein in his neck pulsing. He was angry. But he was here and I reveled in that thought.
"Thank you for coming.", I said clearing my throat and wiping my eyes.
"I see you got the papers.", he said softly.
I just nodded my head my eyes glancing to see them hanging in a bush balanced vicariously on a branch. I prayed they would burst into flames right in front of our eyes but they didn't. He walked over and grabbed them, "Did you sign them?" pulling them out of the envelope to see that I had not. He blew out his breath and looked at me running his fingers through his hair.
I shook my head turning away from him as tears came unwelcome down my cheeks. "I can't." I whisper.
He laughed harshly and said,"You left me over a year ago Shelby."
"No I didn't Kyle. I never left."
He sighed and looked at the waterway. "Don't get technical. You know what I mean. Why did you ask me here?" His look scalded me and I sucked in my breath. His anger was palpable, I could feel it whip around me in the wind.
" Don't hate me Kyle, I can't bear it.", my voice breaking as a sob ripped through me.
He looked away and said,"I've cried enough tears to fill this waterway Shelby. I've begged, I've pleaded and I couldn't get your attention. Why now?"
I can't answer because the answer was heartbreaking in itself. I just never thought he'd leave. I took him for granted, thinking he'd always be there. We always said we'd never leave but now he's leaving and I'm shattered. I want to throw myself at him like I used to but he's a wall now, he's not my Knight anymore. He's distant and angry.
"Why here?" he glares at me.
"This is where we began. This is where I feel safe. This is where you saved me and I need you to save me again." I whisper not looking at him knowing as I say it that I'm going to be rebuked and rejected but I have to try, for once, I have to try. I have to fight like he fought for me, I have to fight for him.
He laughs and it chills me to the bone, my teeth start to chatter, like they always do when I'm facing a trama. He sighs, leaning his hand on a tree, looking at the ground and back at the waterway. Turning to me, his anger gone for a moment, there is pain and is that fear in his eyes,"What do you want from me Shelby?"
I walk to him reaching out to touch his face but he holds his hands up taking a step back. "No." he says shaking his head.
"What do you want Shelby?"his anger returning as he sees the hurt on my face and the way my teeth are chattering.
"Spend the day with me, remembering us Kyle. Remember with me what we had, who we were, just one day is all I ask." I'm begging him, pleading with him.
"It won't change anything if I do, you know that right?" he says firmly.
"Please. Just a day."
"I have several meetings today Shelby, I can't just blow them off." irritation seeping into his voice again.
"I won't sign until you do. I need this Kyle."
He laughs shaking his head,"We both know it's always about your needs don't we Shelby?" He sighs, grabs his cell phone and starts making calls changing the dates on his meetings. I sit on the blanket, hugging myself trying to stop my teeth from chattering. I absently pull the wine out I brought and fill two glasses, waiting for him to get done. As he makes the last call his voice changes and I realize with a sickening feeling in my stomach that the meeting he's rescheduling has nothing to do with business.
"Hey." he says, I can hear the smile in his voice. "Look, something, um, has come up and I can't make it today. Tomorrow alright with you?"
He laughs, "No, nothing like that."
"Looking forward to it, trust me."
I hear him sigh and feel his approach. "Sit." I say patting the blanket beside me. He does, I hand him the glass of wine and he takes it from me, our fingers touching and I feel my pulse race. I down my glass of wine and pour me another one.
"Who is she?", I ask quietly.
He doesn't answer, he just sips his wine. I down mine again and refill my glass."Have you slept with her?" my voice catches as I say the words.
He laughs and looks at me, shaking his head,"I won't and haven't cheated on you Shelby. Actually I haven't had sex in almost a year. How about you?" He then downs his wine and holds his hand out for a refill. I sigh. He's right, our sex life has been less than stellar for some time.
I lay down on my back and say, "Please lay with me. We would lay here for hours and talk remember?"
He sighed and looked at me ,"This is silly Shelby. It's immature and just silly."
"Well, humor me." I said irritation creeping into my voice as well. He lays down beside me, I grab his hand in mine. He doesn't respond but he doesn't pull away either.
"Do you remember that day at the beach?"
"There were tons of days at the beach Shelby."
"The first day at the beach, with Rick there while we, you remember?", I laughed remembering again.
He laughs in spite of himself , grinning at me for the first time all morning, "Yeah, I remember."
"Do you think he knew?"
"Definitely, why do you think he just left so fast? He told me later that he was in awe of me. I was quite the stud, ya know."
"Oh yes you were." I sigh remembering things I probably shouldn't be thinking about right now. He glances at me grinning and then seeing how flushed I am, the grin fades and he sits up. "This is stupid Shelby. It won't change anything. I'm done here." He rises as if to leave. I sit up quickly, grabbing his arm.
"Look at me! I will not sign unless you do this! I won't grant you a separation and you can bet your ass I won't grant you a divorce. This is 24 years we have invested in this, one damn day won't kill you and I need to remember or I can't....I can't let you go Kyle."
"Why Shelby? Why now? Where were you when I needed this? You were at some committee or on that phone or sitting on a ball field and I was drowning! You. Didn't. Care. You watched me drown and walked away. Now I have to walk away too. You have to let me go."
I laid back down and just stared up at the foliage ceiling above our heads."Remember when you tried to teach me to surf? Well, the many times you've tried to teach me to surf. Bless your heart you tried didn't you? I failed at that too." I started to cry then and he stared in me in horror as I curled into the fetal position, I was in pain, the pain was intense and I couldn't stand it. I was losing him and I couldn't take it, it was too much.
I felt him lay down beside me, he took my hand and kissed it, his voice broke as he said,"I remember the first day I went to work for Wes.

Kyle was about to die in the blazing sun on that rooftop. Oh how he wished he was still with his Angel. He had left her sleeping peacefully one arm above her head, her hair fanned out behind her, the covers at her waist, he had just stood over her watching her chest rise and fall. Loving to see her naked and unashamed. He wished somehow he could show her herself from his eyes but of course that was impossible. He was hammering away when the guy next to him said,"Damn, son, would you look at that! I love this job."
Kyle looked in the direction the guy had pointed and he saw the girl walking slowly down the beach, it appeared she glanced up at them but looked quickly away as she started setting up a place to lay out. She carried a picnic basket in one hand, lounge chair in the other, her hair tucked under a huge floppy hat, sunglasses covered her eyes but it was the legs that held the promise of greater things to see. Oh this girl had beautiful legs and he'd know those legs anywhere. He grinned and started hammering again. She was trying to distract him, she was playing the game they played yesterday on him and it made him laugh. She had tried to disguise herself but she didn't realize how long he had stared at those legs, he knew them, he'd know her in any crowd, could pick her out in any situation. He peaked a glance as he swung the hammer and watched her purse her lips when he started hammering again. He was going to enjoy this.
She put the picnic basket down bending at her waist not bending her knees at all, her back to them.
"Oh shit, man, this is going to be good. Hey Ray! Come here man you've got to see this." Ray scrambled over and Kyle listened to them ooh and aah over her. Kyle felt his blood start to boil. What the hell did she think she was doing?
She set up her chair and slowly started unbuttoning her cover-up one button at a time. The guys were likely to fall off the roof at any minute if she didn't hurry up and get it off. Then it was off and falling to the sand and the men beside him whistled and clapped. She ignored them, looking only at Kyle smiling.
"Oh shit man, she wants one of us. Is it me darlin?" Ray yelled out. She shook her head no.
"Me?" Keith asked hope in his voice. She shook her head no. They both looked at Kyle with awe. "Man, she wants you!", Keith said slapping him on the back.
"Yeah, she's my girlfriend. She better.", Kyle says sourly.
"No shit man? Damn she's fine, man.", Ray says shaking his head.


"Why were you so mad at me that day? The day before you had wanted me to do that. I was so confused by that.", Shelby asked looking up at the foliage missing the wisteria that used to hang over their heads.
"Well, yeah, the football in Adam's face was funny wasn't it?" he laughed remembering that. "On that roof was different, they were talking about my girl in front of me and I didn't like it. The day at the beach I couldn't hear what they were saying it made a difference. But I did love that you had brought me lunch and I really loved the swim we took before I had to go back to work. That was magnificent." He grinned remembering.
"We should take a swim like that right now.", I say before I think and I feel him stiffen beside me. "I'm sorry, Kyle, I wasn't thinking."
"See that's the problem with this little game you're playing Shelby, I'm giving you false hope if I enjoy the memory and I do but it's a memory it isn't now."
"Do you still want me?" I ask in a small voice holding my breath.
He won't look at me, his jaw is clenched as he sits up glaring out at the waterway. "How is this productive Shelby? I feel like you're trying to seduce me or something."
"You're my husband Kyle. What's wrong with that? You said it had been almost a year, let's change that."
"Dammit Shelby, you still won't listen to me. It's OVER. It won't change anything. I'm still leaving, whether we have sex today or not I'm still leaving."
My breath catches and my heart shatters in little pieces over the ground. I start to tremble, my teeth start to chatter, I'm starting to hyperventilate and I realize that this day is the worst day of my life. The nightmares are nothing compared to this, what he did to me is nothing compare to what Kyle is doing now. I stand shakily, walking to the envelope, I take the papers out, I sign them as I cry, my world is over, it is finished. I can barely sign my hand is trembling so badly, I drop the pen and the papers fall at my feet. I turn and he's watching me fear in his face. He's seen this Shelby before on the night that I thought was the worst night of my life. I realize now that no, it wasn't because I still had Kyle then. Now, this moment right here, is the worst moment of my life. "I need you to know Kyle Scott that this is without a doubt the worst moment of my life. Everything else that has happened to us or to me pales in comparison. I need you to know that I love you now as I loved you then. I need you to know that I'm sorry I didn't listen, I'm sorry that I turned away from you, I will live the rest of my life regretting my actions these past few years. But before you leave and walk away from me I need to feel you again. I have to touch you because I'll never be able to again and someone else will and I have to remember now to be able to breathe."
I walk toward him and he's crying too. I have wounded him with my words, I knew I would when I said them but I needed him to know that there isn't another soul on this whole planet that could wound me like he had. Definitely not Kevin Hawkins. He is nothing compared to Kyle. Kevin wounded my body, Kyle has ripped out my heart and he's working on taking my soul as well.

I reach up and wipe his tears away. He puts his head in his hands and I pull him to me remembering that summer.

_______________________
My parents had gone away for the summer and Kyle had stayed with me. We had spent the entire time together, done everything together. We were so happy and so in love. It was to be the best summer of my life. We didn't see Kevin anymore, he just didn't appear to be around and I was so happy with that. The day before school started, Kyle was at work and I was home alone. My mom caught me by surprise as she breezed in the door like she actually still lived there.
"Mom!", I say truly surprised.
"Hey sweetie.", she says with an air kiss.
"Where's dad?", I ask praying that he'll walk through the door in a minute I loved my dad and I missed him. We had always been so close until a year ago that is.
"Um Shelby, sweetie, we need to talk. Have a seat."
I move to sit on the couch eyeing her suspiciously, I start to chew on my nails, as I sometimes do when I'm nervous.
"Stop chewing your nails Shelby.," she says sternly."There's no easy way to say this so I'll just say it. We bought a house in Florida while we were there and we're moving."
"The hell we are!", I yell as I stand to my feet,"I'm not moving anywhere! It's my senior year, I'm dating Kyle and I'm not leaving to go to Florida."
She looks at me as if to say "are you finished now?" I sit down. "We realize it is your Senior year, you are 17 years old and very responsible, we trust you. We are going to allow you to live here, finish out your Senior year and then we'll talk about your plans after high school. Your dad is still there getting the house ready and I'll be leaving tomorrow this time for good."
I have won the battle but not the war. I'm being abandoned and I don't know what I've done. Why? Why would they leave me? I'm starting to panic, I can't stay here by myself until I graduate and Kyle can't move in, his mom is getting really tired of him not being home, he told me that last night. What is going to happen to me? Who are these people that I've called parents all my life?
"Shelby, I'm doing this for your own good. I know you can't see that. You have no idea the sacrifices I've made for you. I realize you feel abandoned and I'm sorry but this is the way it has to be. I'm assuming that Kyle will move in?"
I look at her pure horror written all over my face. How? How does she know? She would be okay with that?
"Mom, Kyle is only 17 his mom would never allow that! His mom actually cares about him!" I scream at her and run to my bedroom, slamming my door. I throw myself to my bed grabbing one of Kyle's shirts that he's left behind and curl up with it.

There is a knock on the door a few hours later, I am congested from crying so much, my nose is red, my eyes puffy, my voice sounds like I have a terrible cold when I say,"Come in."
I look up to see Kyle standing there, he's white as a ghost, his eyes huge in his face like he's just received the shock of a lifetime and I rush to him throwing myself in his arms. He holds me tightly against him burying his face in my hair. "We'll figure it out baby. Don't worry, we'll figure it out."

_________
I pulled away looking at him, he was getting himself together."Hurting you is the last thing I'd ever want to do Shelby. I just can't live on these memories anymore."
"How did you know Kyle?"
He looks up confused,"Know what?"
"Know my parents were moving? How did you know?"
"Shelby, we've been through this. She told me when I got there."
"But you're hiding something, I know you are."
He won't look at me, he turns his back on me then. He's carrying a burden he's carried for 24 years, I see that clearly now. He looks back at me, his eyes guilty but he quickly looks away and I know he'll die with whatever secret that is. He will never tell a soul whatever it is that my mom revealed to him that night.

__________________
Kyle couldn't look at her, he couldn't tell her that. Not ever. He had sworn to her mother that he wouldn't, he realized that it had the capacity to destroy what was left of her, the parts he wasn't destroying anyway.

________________
Kyle pulled into the driveway after work exhausted. Lord, he hoped Shelby had something for supper, he was starving. He missed his mom in that respect, she made sure he ate. Shelby? Not so much. He loved her but she was a pampered little princess, her idea of a hard day was lounging by the pool and getting too much sun. He sighed as he climbed out of the Jeep, his arms felt like jelly, his back aching, he walked wearily to the front door walking in, taking his boots off in the foyer. His eyes searched the room for Shelby, he didn't see her but he could hear her crying and his heart started racing. He ripped his socks off, stuffing them in his boots and hobbled down the hall only to run into a tall, beautiful woman with shiny, shoulder length blonde hair.
She raised her elegant eyebrows at him,"Kyle? I assume?"
He nodded, suddenly losing his voice realizing he had just walked into her home unannounced.
She nodded at him, moving past him, indicating that he should follow her. He turned on his heel and followed her into the kitchen. She pointed to a bar stool and told him to sit. He did.
She appraised him openly, as he sat there, making him feel uncomfortable. Her eyes lingered on his mouth for just a second, her hand played absently with her pearl necklace. "Is it hot in here?", she murmured grabbing something to fan herself with. She closed her eyes and just stood there fanning herself. He was very uneasy, not knowing what she was up to, he wanted to go see Shelby and he was starting to realize how desperately he needed a shower.
"Kyle, Mr. Pierce and I are moving to Florida. Shelby will stay here to finish her Senior year. We are willing to pay you to, um, stay with her. Be her bodyguard so to speak.", she says all this in a rush, as if if she says it fast enough it won't be quite as absurd as it is.
Kyle just glares at her. "You are going to leave your daughter alone, in this house, while you move to Florida?"his voice is quiet but fierce his anger showing through.
She starts to fan herself again and she closes her eyes. Walking towards him she looks openly at his mouth and says,"Yes, that is what we are going to do Kyle. Do you love my daughter?"her eyes fly up and stare him straight in the eye when she asks him that.
He swallows thinking this woman is insane and definitely coming on to me. He feels sick to his stomach but manages somehow to say,"Yes. I love your daughter."
"Then take care of her. It's that simple. We have set up an account with $50,000.00 in it. It is at your disposal to do whatever you wish with it, the condition is that you sign a contract saying you'll stay here with her for the remainder of the school year."
"You are insane.", he whispers shaking his head. "How can you do this to her? Do you realize what's happened to her since you've been gone lady?"
She laughs bitterly, looking him up and down and says,"You bet I do. I know about Kevin, I know about you, I know more than you will ever know."
"And you would still leave her here alone?", he ask incredulously.
"Mr. Scott, this is getting rather tedious, can I depend on you to take care of my daughter or not?"
"Why? Why have you dumped her? You have to tell me why."
"Oh Mr. Scott, you accused me of being insane, I'm afraid I'm not the insane one in this house. Let's just say that my husband has a serious problem and keeping him away from my daughter is monumental to her emotional and physical health. I see you enjoyed the night gown he gave her. His favorite thing was to get her to put it on and parade around in it. She has no idea, Mr. Scott, what a pervert her dear old daddy is."
That was it, Kyle was going to be sick. The room seemed to shrink in on him. "Why haven't you left him then? You don't have to leave her!"
"Oh Mr. Scott, grow up. Like he would allow that? I can't protect her if I'm not with him. You will have to trust me on that. Mr. Scott, contrary to your belief, I love my daughter, you have no idea the sacrifices I have made to save her from him. I will be leaving in the morning, I will need my answer soon. And Mr. Scott, you know the levered door on her closet? You would be surprised what you will find there." she sighed and walked swiftly out of the house. Heading towards the dock, she hugged herself. Kyle headed straight to the hall bathroom and threw up.

_______
He shook his head to remove the memory. He had signed the contract but not touched a drop of the money. He would give it to his children one day. His mother had been furious with him and hadn't spoken to him for two months over it. Shelby didn't know that either. She had no idea how he had found a small camera in her levered closet door, how her mother had shipped him tape upon tape of her standing in front of that mirror in every manner of undress. Tapes of him and Shelby came years later apparently they had been hidden away and watched repeatedly. She didn't know how Kyle would never leave their children in a room alone with her dad, how he monitored every second the man spent with them. He had carried that weight by himself for years and would still til the day he died just for her. Because he did love Shelby, would always love Shelby until the day he died.
"Thank you for staying with me after my parents left me Kyle. I know it put a strain on your relationship with your mom and I hated it but I was so scared to be alone."She said softly, pulling at his heartstrings.
"Turns out I wasn't enough to save you Shelby and I'm sorry for that."
"I don't blame you Kyle. I've never blamed you not for one second. Why do you blame yourself?",he hears her whisper. She just didn't realize that she blamed him but she did. That night destroyed them, it ripped them into shreds and they had just tried desperately to cling to what had been before but it was gone. What was left was guilt on his part and shame on hers. He couldn't live with it anymore, he just couldn't cling to the happiest six months in his life anymore because that's what it all boiled down to was six months. Did he love her? Did he want her? Yes. Always. She moved him like nobody ever had or ever would again. Even now watching her disintegrate before him was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do in his life. Telling her she couldn't touch him anymore would haunt his nights, her not being there beside him, was his worst nightmare come true but they had tried and they had failed to put their marriage back together. He couldn't go through the heartbreak anymore, he couldn't put himself through it again. He watched her and knew she was remembering, he knew she was remembering the night they never talked about. The night that haunted them both and probably would haunt them to the day they died. He wondered if she could finally talk about it? If she could, could it save them? Could her getting it all out save his marriage? She reached over and grabbed his hand leading him back to the blanket, he allowed her to, he didn't know why he did. The papers that she had signed lay strewn around, flying in the breeze, he watched them thinking he needed to gather them but he couldn't. Not after what she had said. He was hurting her more, he couldn't grasp that. How could this hurt her more than that? Was it possible?
She pulled him down beside her and he let her. His resolve was gone. Her words had ripped it away, he was open and bleeding beside her, she snuggled up to him, putting her head on his chest, pulled his arm tightly around her. "If it will save us, I will talk about it. Will it save us?" she whispered so softly her heart breaking with each word, her breathing was shallow and he knew she was terrified.
"I don't know. I just don't know anymore." he said, holding her tighter.

___________

It was New Years day. Shelby rolled over and watched Kyle sleeping beside her. She traced his lips gently with her fingertips. He had been a bad boy last night and gotten completely drunk. Kendall was back in town and that always made him crazy. Last night she had finally met the infamous Kendall. Everything she'd been told about him was true. He was model gorgeous, he knew it and he breathed sexuality. He had set his sights on her and Kyle had proceeded to get drunk. She wasn't used to that in Kyle. He was always so protective but he'd just sat by and watched Kendall try to fondle her and grope her. She had finally gotten fed up and remembering Shayna's famous words had kneed him in the balls as hard as she could. She grinned remembering the way he had fallen to his knees in front of her. The funny thing was that Kendall wasn't mad at her over it. He seemed to respect her for it. It amazed her. Kyle on the otherhand was too drunk to know it had even happened.
Kyle groaned beside her. "How ya feeling?" she whispered.
"Ssh, not so loud baby."he mumbled.
She laughed and went to the kitchen to get him some aspirin and water, he was undoubtedly going to need. She was startled to see somebody at the back door. It was Kendall. Opening the door, she let him in.
"Where's the little shit?", he asked grinning at me and hugging me.
"He's still in the bed feeling like shit." I grinned back.
"I guess so. What's for breakfast? I'm starving." He said starting to open cabinets in search of food.
"Help yourself, I'll be right back." I carried the water and aspirin to Kyle who had buried himself in the pillows and covers, I could vaguely hear him groaning. I laughed and pulled back the covers. He glared up at me with one eye open and one eye closed. His hair was a huge mess, he was still wearing his jeans and one shoe.
"Baby feels bad today?", I ask sweetly handing him the water and aspirin.
"I'm going to die. I know this and I accept it. I pray it comes swiftly." He takes the medicine and downs the water and flops back on the bed putting a pillow over his face.
I grin and move to his side running my fingers down his chest, down his happy trail and he groans in pain. I snicker and continue doing it.
"Baby? Kendall is here." I whisper in his ear.
"Tell him to eat shit and die." he groans.
I look up to see Kendall standing in the doorway his mouth full of what appears to be a pb&j sandwich. He's grinning at me.
"Baby? He's standing in the doorway."
"I'm going to die now, please leave me peace."
"Come on ya little shit get up! We've got a river to conquer today. You were telling anybody that would listen last night, at around 2:30am, that you could fish me under the boat. It's time to put your money where your mouth is. Get up."Kendall says stuffing the rest of his sandwich in his mouth.
"Shelby, baby, I hate him. Tell him I hate him."Kyle says pulling me down beside him and resting his head on my stomach.
"She can't save you shithead. Although she did manage to insure that you'd have no nieces and nephews last night. ", he laughed at his own joke.
"Huh? What did you do baby? Save the planet from his gene pool? God, I love you more everyday." Kyle kisses me ,"I thank you and the world thanks you." He manages to sit up and Kendall and I just lose it at the sight of him. He's in pain and glares at us but it's funny for us. He takes his one shoe off and throws it at Kendall. Takes his pants and underwear off and heads to the shower. Apparently, not caring who sees him naked. I grin and bite my lip, Kendall raises his eyebrows but says nothing.
"I'll leave you kids alone. Tell shithead I'm on the dock."
I head into the bathroom after him. He's just standing there watching the water run, yawning and groaning.
He turns when he sees me come in and pulls me to him. "Baby, I'm sorry." he says.
"Oh no, you were hilarious but you owe me one, ya know. You didn't even guess me when the ball dropped.", I say pouting at him.
"Ugh. What a loser you're dating. Did you really kick him in the balls?", he says laughing only to follow it with a groan.
"Well, I kneed him pretty good. Dropped him to his knees. He deserved it."
"Oh how I hate I missed seeing that. You have no idea."
"Ok, in the shower with you. Apparently you and Kendall have a date on the river."
"Please don't make me go on a boat. Can you write me a note or something?"he steps into the water and moans as it runs down his beautiful naked but oh so painful body.

I manage to get him out and dressed by mid afternoon. Brooke and I spent the day at the mall. We shop till we drop and I come home exhausted by dark. I see Kendall and Kyle on the dock and I wave letting them know I'm back. I slip into the shower wondering if Kyle is feeling any better and I hear the bedroom door close.
"Hey baby! Did you fish him under the boat?", I ask laughing turning the water off. I grab a towel from the rack and start drying off. "Kyle? Are you in here?" I hear nothing. I guess they are still out on the dock I wrap a towel around myself and wipe the fog from the mirror. Taking a makeup cloth I wipe my face clean, throw the cloth into the trash can and as I step into the bedroom I'm grabbed from behind, a hand is placed over my mouth and I hear, "Hello you little whore. Did you miss me?"