Teen Ink Application

“A sentence uttered makes a world appear

Where all things happen as it says they do;

We doubt the speaker, not the tongue we hear:

Words have no word for words that are not true.”

(Words ln. 1-4, W.H. Auden)

As W. H. Auden says in his poem Words, words are simply descriptions. Every time they are used, they describe something in their own pure meaning. It does not matter to them which other words they rest by, or whether they are followed by punctuation or not. When we hear a phrase or read a sentence, we do not question the words, ask them why they are in that order or tell them to move. We question the person using them. We ask the person why they phrase something the way they do, criticize their usage of specific words, or doubt whether they know what they are talking about. When we read, we wonder about the author’s intent. It is the writer or the speaker that is judged through their words, because words are the only medium they can use. But how to speakers and writers use their words effectively? How do they fully communicate the complexities of their ideas, and grasp readers and listeners to hold them fast? How do they manipulate these placeholders that are words, to create something beautiful, mesmerizing, painful, and true?

         When I write, I always ask myself whether this is the best way I can phrase a sentence, whether I am successful in implying something, whether an idea is original, or whether I have accurately portrayed an idea. When I write, I question myself constantly, because I want to be like my favorite authors. I want to be able to interest someone with what I have to say, and to have them be so ensnared by a story that they cannot put down. I want them to become to truly care about the ideas and characters portrayed in the story. So many times have I’ve been dragged along by an author, shoved in their world and had not being able to stop myself from exploring until they tell me to. More than anything, I want to have the ability to fully express what I mean, and not lose meaning in the communication. I want to be able to learn from exploring ideas, share my own, and make something beautiful. I have an incredible yearning to reach a point where I feel I can be successful in these aspects. I love writing to the point that I will not stop, even if it is horrible. Being able to write beautifully and successfully and not being able to stop would be even better. I think with the right guidance I would be able to at the very least improve upon myself. I’ve never had a creative writing class, and to be able to experience one in such a setting as New York City would be exhilarating beyond the extent my words can describe right now.

         When I was little, I was addicted to reading. I loved being transported to a magical realm where anything was possible. I loved getting to know the characters and see them overcome their struggles in life. I loved being able to be lost in a book and looking up to see that the morning had turned into night, or in some cases the night has turned into morning. My life as a child was reading. Everywhere I went, I read. The only items on my birthday or Christmas list were books. It got to the point that my parents became worried when all I wanted to do was read. I would make them stay in a bookstore for hours, saying I was deciding on a book, while actually I was trying to read the book I had just decided against. I couldn’t stop reading, and I didn’t want to. Somewhere in junior high, life began making it harder for me to read. My new school gave enough homework that I didn’t have nearly as much time to read anymore. I had to concentrate on schoolwork now, and I realized that. When I did read, the books weren’t enough anymore.  I didn’t feel as much satisfaction in completing one, sometimes I would even tire of them in the middle and abandon them for others that I felt even more disappointment in. I was devastated. I didn’t know why I didn’t get as excited now. I was worried I was losing the ability I had as a child to be fully absorbed in a story. I began to worry that my imagination was getting dull enough that I didn’t see the wonder in books anymore. Even worse, I began to worry that I had made up all that excitement as a child, and everything I had spent reading was worthless. I began to be unsure how of how to use my precious free time that I would normally spend reading.          But one day, my friend showed me a short story she wrote. It was amazing. I couldn’t believe that she knew how to arrange words to make them sounds fluent and make sense at the same time. Seeing someone I knew personally write made me make a realization that is somewhat obvious to me now. Writing is beautiful. As a child I had always told myself that I hated writing. This amounted mainly to the fact that I wasn’t very good at it. Essays at school, daily journal prompts all made me cringe and turn away. I knew authors had to write the words I read, but I was the reader. I thought I didn’t have to write. One day, I was going to prove to myself that I didn’t like writing. I tried it, and I loved it. I became so excited when I realized nothing was stopping me from writing whatever I wanted. I realized I loved writing, when I wrote about something that interested me. I still didn’t like the “imagine you are an astronaut” and “what are your plans for summer” prompts, but when I was on my own, writing what I wanted, I was happy.

As I continued and I started being riskier in writing more precisely what I was imagining. I felt a thrill, very similar to that of the one I felt as a child, sitting in my room and reading. It was a little frightening, putting my thoughts down on paper, where people could read them and pick them apart, but enticing at the same time. I hid all my writing, for quite a while, until I showed my friend, and we began trading stories. Soon enough I showed another friend, and my sister. I can look back on those stories now and acknowledge that they were rough to say the least, but I was excited to be able to see an improvement in my writing, whether through practice, or reading more literature that went beyond the simple fairy tale. Books became interesting for me again. I began going beyond the young adult sections and began targeting other genres besides fantasy. I was no longer wholly and childishly absorbed in a book. I began to be able to appreciate the beauty of language, be awed in forethought and the intricacies of human emotion, and being humbled in my insignificance. No longer was I only reading for the emotional excitement of a fast-paced plot, although of course I still enjoyed those. I was reading, and writing, to grow, and I think I have to owe much of who I am today to reading and writing. I feel like I explore ideas more thoroughly now, am more open to the seemingly odd, and am more careful to judge. It has taught me to be patient, and more confident. If I had the chance to grow even more, and develop my writing at the same time, I’d take it. In an environment of criticism and inspiration where I feel I can take risks and learn from my mistakes, receive thoughtful advise from others, read others works, and be more independent, I think it is very possible. To be able to have an experience such as the one TeenInk is offering is truly a dream come true.

         There are some things in specifics that I’d like to be able to accomplish, given the chance at TeenInk. I’d like to be more comfortable with sharing my writing, and be more prepared to receive criticism. I’d like to explore different styles or techniques and identify which one suits me best. I’d like to learn about how others go about writing. Dialogue between characters is also a place I’d very much like to improve, in respects of it being interesting, flowing, and natural. In general, I’d like to be put out of my comfort zone without feeling threatened, or ridiculous. To be able to be taught creative writing, in an environment as interesting as New York City would be a mind-blowing experience I’d remember forever.

         Thank you so very much for offering such an opportunity for the lucky chosen girls. It’s programs like this that inspire me to work harder everyday. Thank you for considering me.