The last 3 days...

Here in my room, sitting next to the window, I stare at your picture in my wallet. It's been a month since you left, the void that began inside me since then, has never stopped. I can't question my feelings, because I never had any control over them. You had robbed me from everything, even from the desire to live without you.

I remember the last three days quite vividly, we tried convincing each other that everything would be alright, but our hearts knew that this excuse wouldn't last long. We were cheating ourselves only to keep each other happy. I made sure, soon after Eid, I had to be around her, close to her, near her. She waited impatiently for me everyday and she broke down beginning of the last 3 days. I knew it was coming, I always knew how she felt, what she felt and why she felt this way. Even the thought of us not being together would depress us to the point that we would be beside each other within a heartbeat.

I got the call, she said please come soon and I was finally at her place, closing the door behind me, I kissed her, embraced her, she returned my kiss with the same enthusiasm. We weren't seeing each other after a long time! it was just 12 hours but she had to go in three days, across seven seas and I was already dreading the thought of not seeing her again. I never really coped with that thought, especially when I was so addicted to her, being around her, kept me happy. I could be myself with her. I could share anything, without being judged.
She knew me well too, she tried hard not to think about our separation. It wasn't something she had planned for. It was just a tough decision she had to make. She never had a choice. We took those oaths, of never forgetting each other, to always be in touch and to never cry when we missed each other. 

After she made tea, we decided to go to the mall for some grocery shopping, we were going to cook for each other the next day. Shopping, had always been fun with her. I always looked forward to it. In 3 years together, I knew what she would buy, by heart. We followed the same pattern around the carrefore aisles every time. Starting with earth detergent and finishing on bread. The walk along the aisle was never in silence, we spoke non-stop on varied topics and learned about human behavior, religion, life and love. I always had this habit of whispering sweet nothings in her ear and then she would give me this disbelieve look followed by blushing with every shade of red. I enjoyed seeing her blush and shy away. That twinkle in her eye, that smile of disbelief, that affection and warmth in her company couldn't be compared to anything. It had to be magical, something out of this world. Our communication was our strongest point.

Drifting in and out of the separation dilemma, I walked with her, stared at her every now and then, wanting time to freeze this moment. I always told her, if I could stare at you for eternity, I wouldn't ask for anything more. This was it, I said to myself, our last shopping together, will there ever be another? My eyes would swell at this thought, but I tried harder not to cry, not to make her weak. She had sensed it already by now, but kept walking with the trolley. She knew, nothing she said would make me feel better at this point, but as always, being a positive spirit, she tried making me laugh again. Hitting me with the tissue roll and zapping me out of those dreadful thoughts. I thought to myself, how will I ever survive without her?

Time was our greatest enemy and friend. Each passing moment now was precious. I wanted it to be memorable, so we started completing her last few requests from her bucket list.


Day 1.

We got up together, I looked at her, beaming with exotic radiance she laid there, completely unaware of her beauty. I pulled her towards me, lying on my arm, close to my heart, she opened her eyes and smiled.  I cupped her face, my fingers feeling her soft skin and I kissed her passionately. She embraced me, but this time it felt different. The embrace surfaced a feeling of fear within us and we knew this fear very well now. We didn't speak, but our exchanged glances confirmed this fear of separation. I kept whispering "Everything will be alright" and she kept nodding.

I had promised to cook omelette for her and she wanted to make pancakes for me. After freshening up, she headed to the kitchen, and I followed her. Every second counted and every gone by moment was turning into an epic memory. She loved observing me when I cooked. she always said, she found it "cute and sexy" and I enjoyed cooking for her, especially when she would take the first bite and go "mmmmmmmm" followed by, " Oh my God! That's so tasty".  I got the same reaction, when I made her the garlic, ginger omelette and the bread heated in salted butter. We sat down to eat, leaving the pancakes for next morning. After breakfast, we had planned to watch a movie. It was "Priscilla Queen of the Desert", she wanted to show me the hilarious outfits and the ABBA songs performed in the movie. These were her 2 request for the day, cooking in her kitchen one last time and watching her classic movie together.

After the movie, I started transferring her photos to the new hard disk, she wanted to take every single photo with her.  I showed her how to download movies and backed up her phone. We were always at close proximity now, never leaving each others side, sitting closest as possible. I could sense she had too much on her mind, mostly how she would survive back home, given the circumstances, she had to start all over, get settled again. I tried convincing her of good times ahead, but starting over was just one of her worries. She just couldn't bear the thought of leaving me.  Her deafening silence and sad eyes signified the pain she felt. I hugged her, she smiled approving that, she knew, that I knew very well, how she felt. This is how we connected, how we gelled together, being two bodies but one soul.

To lighten the moment I suggested we go for a long drive and get fish and prawns for dinner. She got excited and ran upstairs to get dressed. I got up and looked around the house, so many memories in it. I was going to miss every moment spend here. After all I felt part of everything she had, she loved, she desired. She came down looking gorgeous. I asked her if she would miss the house, she said yes. She said many new beginnings took birth in this house. I couldn't resist kissing her again.

I drove slow, glancing at her from time to time, making sure she didn't start thinking again and feel sad. She always felt proud, sitting next to me in the car. I guess because she knew that seat was rightfully hers, like it was always meant to be. Nothing brought more pleasure to me, when she was beside me and our norm was to hold hands. One hand on the steering and one on her lap, holding her hand we passed by the new Corniche.

On reaching Mina fish market, we bought the fish and prawns and gave it for barbecue. She wasn't into prawns, but I asked her to try it. It was the texture thing, she always said. We had 30 mins till dinner was ready, so we walked around the back alley. The starry night with waves hitting the shore made it romantic, we were like two kids holding hands walking into the night with nothing to care about then each other. She showed me the place to reserve a boat, so I could take my relatives or friends when they visited Abu Dhabi, like she had done when her mum came, last year.  She liked being a tour guide, showing her friends around, learning different cultures, respecting it's significance and accepting it's importance.

We strolled back to the shop, collected our dinner and drove home. She looked calm now, she was back in her positive spirit. I glanced at the time, it was 9:00pm. The day had passed by so soon, I thought. How could it be? When you wanted time to slow down, or forget its existence at a crucial moment like this. Yes it had always passed by us in the same manner, whenever we were together. Stretching my hand I clasped her hand, she smiled at me looking at the reassuring gesture.

The dinner was a hit. She loved it. We cleaned up and  retired to bed. I said to myself, 2 more days, going to make most of it. Keep her happy and not let her think about leaving. My inner thoughts were trying to reason, asking me how was that even possible to make her happy? When you might never see her again? How will you ever be able to keep a straight face or fake happiness for her? But this wasn't the time to doubt myself. My inner turmoil could not stand in her way. I could never see her cry and that was it, I had to be strong. With these thoughts I went to sleep.

Day 2 to be continued....