Modern Tale of Robin Hood

This is the tale of Robin Hood, with a little modern twist....



The night is dark, pouring rain. Robin Hood needs some place to hide out for a while, get dry. As he strolls down the sidewalk, the rain rolling down his face, he looks ahead and sees a neon sign, Sherwood Forest, straight ahead.



There is loud music coming from the joint and many intoxicated individuals leaving just as others are entering. Robin stops and stares into the joint. He thinks to himself "This will do."











As Robin enters the place of loud music and staggering folk, he spots a bar straight ahead. He needs a drink, something to relax him and take his mind of of previous events.



Robin takes a seat at the bar and turns to watch some lovely ladies as they dance away in a cage. One of the ladies caught his eye for sure. She was beautiful; long dark hair, green eyes, smooth skin. Much too pretty for a dump like this.



"Who is she?" Says Robin to the bartender.



"Oh, her?" The bartender replies. "That's the lovely Maid Marion. She's a hit with all the men that enter this joint."



Robin knew he had to have her and at any cost. He looks around the room and spots a flashy looking fellow, dressed in purple felt and big, dark sunglasses. The name Lil Jon sparkled on his chain. "He must be the man that controls things around here."



Robin Hood's goal is to take control of all of the night clubs in the surrounding areas. This one appears to be no different than any other. He strolls up to Lil Jon.



"Are you the man of the club?"



Lil Jon sits back in his seat, arms around a couple of skanks.



"I sure is. But there be another man higher than me. They call him The Duke."



Robin smiles. He sees partner potential in Lil Jon. "How would you like to own this club, brother?"



Lil Jon lowers his glasses and peers out at Robin.



"What you sayin', son? You wanna take out the Duke? Ain't nobody able to do dat."



Robin Hood's smile widens as he turns to Maid Marion dancing in her cage.



"We'll just see about that. This club is ours." He holds out his hand to Lil Jon, who in turn accepts. Lil Jon rises to his feet.



"Consider us partners my man. Now how we gonna be rid of the Duke?"



Robin Hood laughs. "We'll call it the Hood Slide and we're gonna get funky."



The Duke is passed out upstairs, he has had one too many drinks and is dreaming merry dreams of recruiting the rest of the city's youthful ladies for his own use. It is Robin Hood's plan to free the youthful ladies and let them be their own person.



A loud knock on the door



causes the Duke to raise his head, drool leaking from his mouth and onto the sofa cushion.



"What is it? What d'ya want?" He says drunkenly. Lil Jon answers.



"Wake up, home dog, I got some news fo you."



The Duke rolls his eyes and grabs some blow from the stool in front of him.



"Oh yeah? And what might that be ya lil dick?"



Outside the door, Lil Jon and Robin Hood smile widely. This is it. This will make another club for Robin Hood and be Lil Jon's first.











"Me and my boy Robin is about to take you down, son! This here be our club now!"



The two break the door down and enter the office, where the Duke is still slumped over on the couch.



"You two think you can just waltz in here and take my club?" The Duke laughs. "You ain't nothing new. Look at ya, armed with nothing but yourselves. Pathetic." The Duke rises to his feet. "There ain't no way you guys is...is..." The Duke rolls over onto the couch. He is out for the count.



"Well, this will be much easier than I anticipated." Robin Hood strolls over to the Duke and grabs him by the shirt collar, pulling him up to his feet.



"Damn, son! You be like some super hero or something. But not really because you ain't the one that stopped the Duke. You just caught him on an off night."



"Just help me with this dirtbag, will ya?"



The two partners dragged the Duke downstairs and took him out back. They stripped him of his jewelry and possessions and placed him in the trunk of Lil Jon's caddy.



"Now, son, let's get ya back inside so you can break the news to the lovely Maid Marion and her lil peasant friends."



Lil Jon escorts the new owner of Sherwood Forest inside and the music and dancing ceases. Maid Marion looks out of her cage at Robin.



"What took ya so long?" She asks Robin. Lil Jon is confused. Did these two know each other already?



Robin approaches Marion's cage. "You know how it is. Traffic, skanks trying to wash your car when you don't want them to, taking over club after club, sometimes I lose track of time."



"You two know each other or sumfin?" Lil Jon asks. Robin turns toward him and smiles.



"Of course, partner. Your man the Duke captured my lady some time ago. He kept bouncing from club to club. Took a while to find her."



"Well, son, if we be partners, there's another club downtown, Nottingham's. I think we should roll out and take that one down too."



Robin nods. Maid Marion is all smiles. "Go do what you need to do but hurry back. The jello matches begin soon."



Robin Hood tips his hat to the lovely lady fair and Lil Jon flashes a gang sign. With this said and done, the two partners stroll out of the club in slow motion, Phil Collins' In the Air Tonight playing behind them.