This is a poem I gave to my girlfriend after she broke up with me. It's a little personal. |
To XXXXXXX (please read everything) To hear one’s soft voice, quiet and sweet the gentle touch of one’s hands, so calming and meek a pitter-patter of eyes, alluring with every move the perfect complexion, so clear and smooth the crossing of your legs, with your short-shorts on the sway of your hips, I have desired for so long your beautiful voice, who I have loved to hear occasional squeals, so laughed at with tears knees bent inward, a feature we share the slender, slim body, who I love to hold near long, fragrant hair, with unique warmth and smell pencil between your teeth, a habit you do converse high-tops, a shoe I wear too glasses sitting so carefully, framing your gorgeous face the wonderful eyes underneath, brown, beautiful, full of grace your gentle eyelashes, fluttering as I go by the dark, brown eyes which to see it, I would die your tightly pursed lips, while you attempt to smile the hilarious words, when you’re in denial the long, smooth legs, which are wonderful to touch the shy face, when I stare too much sweet, flawless lips when I kiss you so the little jump you do, when in your ear I blow small, slim hands which fit my hands just perfect giving my jacket to you when it’s cold is oh so worth it the phone calls we have, the promises we make all to be awoken to in dreadful create it comes tumbling down, the falling everlasting the pain real, the depression demanding the neglect by both me and you talk to me, why couldn’t you? what is the problem you couldn’t tell anyone? the very thing which I became shunned? why, oh dear why couldn’t you have told me? to fix our problems, together we must pay the fee we even said the sacred words, the I love you did you mean it, when you said it was true? the plans we made, the future we planned the very thing which because non-existent then to err is human, to forgive is divine and yet I whole-heartedly forgive you, yet I cannot see why I felt so betrayed, so completely left alone why can I forgive those long nights with sleeplessness and moans? after all this, after all you’ve put me through why is it that I still love you? I meant the words I have said, and I said the words I meant but yet, I still have so much repent you said you meant your words, the sacred three words but what evidence do you have that you meant those words? the three sacred words, the I love you you said them to me, and I think I hold them true I do not know if I do, but yet I feel like it that we still have a chance, broken, but soon to be fixed we’ve spent seven months together, along with twenty days to have that all gone in seconds, can’t you see my pain? I do not see how you feel every day I do not know if this has affected you in any way the distance between me and you, is close yet worlds apart how could we have gone from the loving relationship into depart? alas, I knew this was going to be, and I knew like this it was to be those doubts you had about us, has turned this into reality my biggest fears, my nightmares, and my fears-to-be were all connected to this, can’t you see? the nights you have hinted it are the nights that I have cried you comforted me, but yet doubts still arise the day I put your hand on my heart was the day I called you mine the only girl I would trust with my heart, over time we grew apart, and I desperately tried to stop it but it was soon over, and we are completely split I still admire you, dream about you, and think about you every day but I have a feeling they would never be returned to my dismay we promised not to hold secrets, and I admit I haven’t really kept I told you I had no insecurities, but yet I have one one single, what I deemed to be insignificant something no one knows, hears, experienced I am insecure about dating, and dating itself my thoughts can’t get through it through the many times I have tried you don’t mind if I’m touchy or near other girls, or so I say but I get jealous often, for fear of losing you my dream girl, whom I’ve stayed with as long as I possibly can the times I felt so hurt, are a lot to say say that time when I offered you a piggy back, but you rejected it this alone wouldn’t have been so bad, but yet I see you on another guy’s back, having the time of your life on that very day, I felt like I no longer was your boyfriend that I was treated same as everyone else that I wasn’t considered special to you. to the girl that I had come to love I stayed back, not wanting much contact from you and later you tell me that I’ve been all emo-loner for the day just because I wanted to be alone, away from you and yet at the same time, with you it makes no sense yet it makes sense love’s confusing that way. or about that time where I was full of joy you had accepted to be my girlfriend, and we went on the field trip making clay pots was a blast, but the only thing that irked me was when you said you wanted Sherlock as your boyfriend, because, because, because. you spoke about how perfect he was, and how amazing he is whilst I was right beside you, hearing every. Single. Word. the very thought that you would want to replace me is heart sickening I should have known from that point on that we would be like this but yet, I felt like I wanted to stay I still wanted a chance with you, so I guess I was a reacher though I know I was, you still stuck with me with you I was literally the happiest guy alive but yet I was also the saddest because I knew deep inside that we were not going to last with every passing day it didn’t grow deeper yet my heart grew fonder soon the feeling of doubt went away and I made my first move I kissed you, in front of the lockers across from the stairs that very day I had fell in love with you. “why?” you may ask, and to be honest I did not know I just felt myself with you, like I had no secrets I was an open book to you, and that was that but now that I look back, you haven’t shown me very much affection except for the beginning of our small journey in a relationship as a couple when you were my clingy girlfriend. to be honest I loved the clingy part probably to just feed my insecurity but I loved the affection that came with it it faded quickly though, but I did not mind as I still had you and that was plenty enough for me. I have spoken to friends about you, how you make me happy and I had to hold myself back just to not talk forever I could really go on forever on why I like you but yet, I put our entire relationship on this A poem. What about that time when we were on the bus? you had promised to sit next to me on the way back I knew you didn’t like sitting with my friends and I thought you knew I wanted to be alone with you and just you but apparently not I sat between our two groups of friends alone, by myself, because you promised you would come soon when you do come, what do I get? “lets sit in the back with my friends” not exact words, but what I heard in my brain I was saddened that I had tried to compromise but yet it was to no avail I said that you could sit in the back instead of sitting next to me and you did. right after I started crying. I don’t know why as I never cry in school times I just knew for sure we had grown apart that this wouldn’t work soon after you came to sit with me after hearing that I was crying and after everything was over, you told me that you were actually angry at me because of that for something I couldn’t help for the wrong reasons which I had explained but still, it hurt a lot. we sat together anyway, but mostly in silence I dislike crying but yet you have made me cry twice the two times I have ever cried in grade eight I have cried because of a girl a girl I love. I don’t get why, but I can’t help it it’s because deep down, I actually cry a lot I make jokes about being a man and braving weather and never crying and all that just so no one would even suspect me of crying but yet, I have cried, and once for everyone to see because of you, a girl whom I love. You broke up with me September 26th, 2012 that’s seven months twenty days which is a long time. part of me won’t accept that we’ve broken up and that same part still feels we should be together the only thing that has changed part of me is when you told me you liked to think that we never met. those were the most heart-crushing words I have ever heard it made me angry, sad, depressed, and even bi-polar a bit but even so, the part that loves you always wins over. I have always questioned if you actually meant it when you said the sacred three words and honestly, I’m still not sure as I am not you and thus I can never know but the only thing I can do is listen when you say and said those words. if you ever say them again. if I ever hear them again. I don’t care if I’m only fourteen or that I’m too young to get what it means I know what it means not in words, but instead I can feel it I know when I am in love, even though I have never felt it before strange huh? but yet, after this large whirlwind of drama I still love you. I really still love you. I miss the times when we would hold hands and you would lean your head on my shoulder I miss when I would blow into your ear and you would jump. Oh god I do miss that. but what I really missed was you. even though we wouldn’t last forever even though we broke up and the reason is still unknown to me but honestly, I don’t care at this point the I just care about you if the reason is something really secret, I’m sorry for pushing you to tell me but I want to look past that now I just want us to restart everything I would give anything just to have a second chance I just don’t know why I like you so much perhaps it’s how you cross your legs or how you look away when I’m staring at you but all I want is a fresh, new start when we just made small romantic gestures and slight pecks on the cheek holding hands while walking one where I am not ignored one where we are back to normal like usual where we are just enjoying each other’s company just the simple stuff I’m so sorry I wrote this out, but it’s because I can’t get everything I want to say in the short time we would have had. please don’t take this in a clingy, stalker-ish way but XXXXXXX XXX, I love you. |