Change of Heart

         If you have seen the show, “Sixteen and Pregnant,” that is close to how my life is at this very moment. It is a lot harder than what they show on MTV though. I am sixteen years old, and I live in New York, with my parents, Amy and John. People in this city are very cruel; they always stare at me, whisper, and call me names when I walk down the street. When I get on the bus to go to school, everyone just stares with a dirty look, so I sit down and put my head in my arms. Some kids will bump into me on purpose and then say that I did it to them. It is so overwhelming, even the teachers give me dirty looks and make everything so hard on me. If I fall asleep in class I say I’m sorry and that I was up all night, but they just say that maybe I should have thought a little more about school than getting pregnant. I wish I would have done things differently, but mistakes happen. I did not plan on getting pregnant. Andrew and I had dated for eleven and a half months before two very faint red lines changed our lives forever.

         I am not going to act like I don’t know how this could have happened! I mean, I know the facts; I know all about birth control. My mother had many talks with me about the “birds and the bees”, at least that is how she started it. I guess we became lazy, and I guess we really believed that this would not happen to us! We were so naïve! When I first missed my period, I told Andrew. He told me not to worry about it. We waited a few more days, figuring that I would start at any time, but I did not! We went to Walgreens after school, and bought a “First Response”. There were so many different tests, it was insane! When we bought it the clerk looked at us like we were crazy. We drove to Andrews’ house in complete silence. We went to his house, because his parents were both still working, and we did not want any interruptions. After I peed on the little stick, we waited the longest three minutes of our lives! Two red lines! Two very red lines! My heart felt as if it would beat right out of my chest! Andrew just kept saying, “It is probably wrong! Or maybe you took it wrong,” but I knew the truth! I felt it! I knew that there was a tiny little person growing inside of me! And how did I feel? Scared to death, disappointed in myself, and confused. But at least I had Andrew by my side, or so I thought.

         Andrew does not even bother to come around or even talk to me anymore. He used to tell me how much he loved me and that he would never leave me, no matter what happened, but when we found out that I was pregnant, he left. I don’t know if he is just scared or what, but I want him to be a part of our baby’s life. I do not even know if he cares about the baby at all. And then there are my parents that make me even more upset and overwhelmed about this whole situation. They scream at me all day long, about how stupid I was for getting pregnant and that I should have known better. I did not mean to get pregnant, but things happen. I cannot take it back either, but this baby is going to be cared for just as any other baby in the world. She deserves to grow up with a father to be loved by and to play with her. So Andrew needs to realize that he needs to be a part of our daughter’s life. He is the one who got me pregnant; I mean I did not get pregnant by myself. So he should not make me care for this baby all alone, it is his responsibility too. My parents want me to put her up for adoption, because they think I am too young and immature. But I just cannot do it. They kept saying, “How are you supposed to raise a child when you are still a child yourself?” I honestly do not know how but I will figure out a way because I want my child to grow up with her real family. What if I will not be able to take care of her though, I am scared. Being sixteen and pregnant is hard. I am still in school and I do not want to drop out. I have to graduate and get a diploma because if I don’t then it will be really had to get a real job. I am putting in applications for little jobs now so I can at least buy food, clothes, and diapers for our baby girl. I got a lot of things for her at my baby shower, but the clothes will only last through the first few months, then all the responsibility will be on me.

         I have been getting a lot of contractions today. I want somebody here to sit with me, but my parents are on vacation and my other family members live far away. The baby has not been moving around much today. I am getting worried. Usually she is very active and kicking me like crazy. Sometimes the pain is so intense it feels like she is breaking my ribs, but today she is just so calm I can barely feel her. I called the doctor and he said to meet him at the hospital right away. I tried calling my parents and there was no answer; it just kept going straight to voicemail. Maybe they do not have any service, but I am really scared. I do not know who can take me to the hospital, everyone is busy. The few friends I have are on a ski trip with the school. So the only person I have left to call is Andrew. Thank God he answered and said, “Don’t worry, I will be right over.” I cannot believe he even answered; I am so relieved right now. Andrew just got here and is helping me get into his truck; my water breaks as I am climbing into it. He seems really nervous and scared! Just like how I feel! We are going really fast to the hospital, I hope we do not wreck. I can see the hospital; I think I am going to make it.

         We are in the hospital now, all the nurses are running over to me and I feel like I am going to pass out from all the pain. Andrew is sticking by my side and holding my hand. He said, “You can do this Ky, I promise,” but I am scared out of my mind. My parents do not even know I went into labor! I just went into the delivery room and Andrew is coming in with me. I am so nervous and scared, but I know I will be fine as long as he is by my side. Here I go.

         About thirty-five minutes later, I heard screaming and the nurse said, “it’s a healthy baby girl.” She weighs 6 pounds 10 ounces and was 20 inches long. I am so happy that I made it through this; it was worth it for my baby girl. I am definitely not giving her up for adoption; it just does not feel like the right thing to do. Her hair is blonde and sticking up everywhere. She has the biggest brightest blue eyes and a perfect little nose. Her tiny little fingers are grasped onto mine tightly while she is sleeping. She looks a lot like her father, but in a girl version. I cannot believe how small and precious she is. Andrew cut the umbilical cord and I think his mind changed and he might actually stay with us as a family. When he held her little body in his big masculine arms, he looks like he just won the lottery. He had the biggest smile on his face and he said, “What should we name her?”

         I said, “I don’t know, but we will figure it out.”

         Andrew said, “I know we will, but it has to be a pretty name.”

         I said, “Well how about Daisy, Grace, Isabella, or Abigail?”

         “I want her name to have a good meaning or a story behind it,” said Andrew.

         I said, “I know and she is the only thing that brought us back together through this journey.

         He said, “That’s it, we will name her Journey!”

         I said, “That is perfect, Journey Grace.”

         By the grace of God, we made it through this “Journey”, together…hopefully our future will be the same.