Please Stop

April 2, 1987 9:15 P.M.
Dear Diary,
It’s happening again. He came home with no money and now they’re fighting, again! It won’t be long until he comes in here and starts hitting me and my older brother, Travis. I wish he would just stop doing this to my mother. I wish he would just leave us or stop doing this to our family. You know, those are things I’ve been wishing for to come true since this all started. See, last year my parents went on a vacation to Vegas and they gambled while they were there. Ever since that vacation my father hasn’t stopped gambling. Oh no! Here he comes! He’s yelling! This isn’t going to be an easy one.
-Amy North

April 2, 1987 10:25 P.M.
Dear Diary,
Finally, he left! You see, whenever my parents fight instead of my father taking his anger out on my mother he takes it out on me and Travis. That just isn’t fair, right? Why should my brother and I have to be hit for my father’s mistakes? Why does my mother just stand there and let him do this to his children? Why doesn’t she call the police once he leaves? Why does he take his anger out on us and not my mother? As you can see, there are a lot of questions left unanswered. Whoever’s reading this you’re probably wondering why I don’t just ask my mother those questions. Well, that’s the only answer I do have. I’m afraid, afraid of how she will react to those questions. I’m afraid that what my father does will rub off of him and onto her. I don’t want to be hit my both of my parents. I’m afraid that she might not even have answers to those questions.
-Amy North
April 3, 1987 6:10 A.M.
Dear Diary,
I hate being woken up to them fighting. Thank God I have school today. School… That’s where all the other questions come into place. It’s where all the students ask me questions, where the teachers pull me out of the classroom and question me. How come you weren’t in school yesterday? Where did all those marks from? Are you safe at home? Once again, you’re probably wondering, why don’t you at least tell the teachers the truth? That’s another question I have an answer too. Again, I’m afraid of what will happen. If I do tell the teachers then they’ll call the police. Then what will happen? The only person I want to leave is my father. I don’t want to be separated from my brother. We’ve been through so much together.
-Amy North
April 3, 1987 4:43 P.M.
Dear Diary,
School wasn’t that hard today. Nobody really asked me questions about all the marks on my arms and legs. I try to wear long pants and shirts to cover them, but it’s hard to in gym class. After school it’s just me and Travis. My mother doesn’t get home till 5:15 and we really don’t care to ask where our father is. When he isn’t here it’s like we have our own little family, just me, my mom and Travis. Once me and Travis get home we always talk about how our day went. We try to avoid talking about our father, but somehow we always end up talking about it. The number one topic about the conversation that deals with our father is always questions. When do think he’ll be home? What do you thinks he’s going to do this time? The number one question that we always ask each other is why. Why does he do this to us? Travis always says, “Life isn’t fair”, and I agree with that.
-Amy North

April 4, 1987 12:09 A.M.
Dear Diary,
Dad came home late again and of course, with no money. Good thing mom is sleeping. I don’t think I can deal with them fighting tonight. It sounds like he’s just going to sleep downstairs on the couch. Another good thing is that I have school in the morning so I won’t be here when they start fighting. I wonder what my dad does when Travis and I aren’t home. That might explain all those holes in our wall.
-Amy North

April 4, 1987 5:33 P.M.
Dear Diary,
When I got home from school they were still fighting. I wonder how long they have been at it. I wonder how much longer my mother is going to stay with him. After they were done yelling at each other I was shocked…shocked that my father didn’t come back into my bedroom and start hitting me. I guess he wasn’t that angry that time. He just left. I wonder where he goes when he leaves. We may never know.
-Amy North

April 5, 1987 9:12 A.M.
Dear Diary,
So, I’m sitting here in class right now doing nothing. The marks on my arms and legs are starting to go away. Thank God! When I woke up this morning my father wasn’t there. I don’t think he came home last night. Where could he possibly be? Where could he have gone to sleep? Does this mean he’s gone for good? Great! More questions left unanswered. Hopefully he isn’t home when I get home from school. I really need to talk to Travis. I think that with all that happened last night with our parents, we should have a lot to talk about.
-Amy North

April 5, 1987 5:00 P.M.
Dear Diary,
I just got done talking with Travis. Mom should be home pretty soon. When we got home from school our father wasn’t here. There was no sign that made it look like he came home at all. When I was talking to Travis, I asked him “Do you think dad came home when we were at school?”
Travis said, “I don’t think so, there’s nothing different here that shows he was here.”
Then I asked him, “Do you think he’s waiting for mom to get home?”
Travis said, “Probably not. He probably won’t get home until after dinner.”
My final question for Travis was, “Where do you think he stayed last night?”
Travis told me, “He probably just stayed at the casino all night.”
I felt kind of bad bothering Travis with all of these questions about our father, but it’s just that I’m only 12 years old and Travis is 15 and I kind a figure that he might know more information about our father then I do. I know that I’m only 12 and you might be saying, why do you need to know all this information? I think I should know everything my father does considering that he’s pretty much ruining my life.
-Amy North


April 6, 1987 12:13 P.M.
Dear Diary,
I’m sitting here at school at lunch at this big long table all by myself. I usually do eat lunch by myself. There’s usually other kids sitting around me, I guess they aren’t here today. I’m actually glad there’s nobody here. I need some time to myself. I need to think about my father and whether or not I’m having a birthday party this year. I don’t have any friends that go to the same school that I go to. The only people that do come are my family and my cousin’s one friend. My birthday is this Saturday. I’ll just have to wait until I get home to talk my mother about it. When I do have my birthday parties, I just get money. Last year I got about $250. Mother said that’s a lot of money for a 12 year old to be carrying around. So, she put it into my college fund. She said that I have almost $700 in there. Hopefully this year I get $300, that way I’ll have a $1,000 saved and put away from when I’m ready to go to college. That is if my father doesn’t take it for his gambling problems. That’s really sad that a 12 year old girl has to worry about her own father stealing money out of her college fund just so he can gamble it all away. I guess I’ll just have to keep my fingers crossed on that one and pray that he doesn’t get his dirty hands on it.
-Amy North

April 6, 1987 6:00 P.M.
Dear Diary,
Travis and I just got done talking with mother about our father. Mother told us that he didn’t come home until one in the morning. I wonder why she told us that. She never tells us anything about him. She also told us that he was at the casino all night. So Travis was right about that. I really want to know why she told us that stuff. She never told us any information about what our father does. It makes really curious. What if she found my diary and read it when she got home from work while I was taking a nap? I really hope she didn’t do that. Or what if Travis told her something when I was sleeping? I don’t know how I feel about that. Would Travis really tell her if something was bothering me? I don’t see why he would. We made a promise to never tell our parents anything that was bothering one another. I don’t think Travis would break a promise like that. I’ll just have to wait to talk Travis about all this.
-Amy North

April 6, 1987 10:56 P.M.
Dear Diary,
It’s been a while since I wrote in here late at night. I guess it’s because my father hasn’t been coming home late at night when my mother is awake. I guess you can say it’s a good thing. It’s sort of a good and bad thing. It’s a good thing because I get to sleep and then I don’t have to be questioned when I go to school the next morning. It’s also a bad thing because then he might be yelling at my mother when Travis and I are at school. Then he might be hitting my mother and not just the walls. If she is getting hit by my father, then she probably would have called the police herself. I probably may never know if he ever laid a hand on her.
-Amy North

April 7, 1987 7:12 A.M.
Dear Diary,
Today is Friday! Thank God! That means tomorrows my birthday! I’ll finally be a teenager. Travis told me that it isn’t that much of a difference and that there’s nothing exciting about it. Well, I don’t care what he has to say. I’m so happy that I’ll be a teenager. I just love saying that word, “teenager!” TEENAGER! I won’t be a baby anymore. I’ll be 13…13 years old! Now when people ask me how old I am, I’ll be able to tell them that I’m 13 years old. Since tomorrow is my birthday, I probably won’t be doing a lot of diary entries tomorrow because I’ll be spending time with my family.
-Amy North

April 7, 1987 5:45 P.M.
Dear Diary,
Since tomorrow is my birthday, everybody was saying “Happy Birthday” to me at school. I felt so special. For once I felt that everybody noticed me. It felt like they looked past all the marks that appear on my arms and legs and noticed that I am a person. I came home so happy that Travis thought something was wrong. I don’t even remember the last time I was this happy. I just hope my father doesn’t come home early and ruin this all for me. I wonder if my own father will say happy birthday to me. I wonder if he will even stay for the party. I just have this gut feeling in my stomach saying that he will come home during the party and he and mother will start fighting. I’m keeping my fingers crossed on that. Actually, I don’t think I even want him at the party because then he will just try to make everything worse for me on my big day. Things will just be better off if he just stayed somewhere else for the day. I also hope that he doesn’t come home late tonight and start fighting with mother. I need my sleep since I plan on putting on a big smile for everyone to see.
-Amy North



April 8, 1987 8:33 A.M.
Dear Diary,
IT’S MY BIRTHDAY! I’m finally 13. Nothing can go wrong today. I wonder what all my presents are. I just hope I get enough money so that I can put it all in that college fund mother set up for me. I hope that is all I got. I wonder how much money all my family gave me. I hope it’s $300, that I’ll have $1,000 total saved up. I can’t wait to see everyone! Mother said that everyone is coming around 3:30 for dinner, desert, and of course to see me open my presents. This is my day and if someone ruins it for me, they’ll be sorry. I’m just so hyper right now! I wish the people would hurry up and get here already. Well I better go help mother with everything since this is my party.
-Amy North

April 8, 1987 10:15 P.M.
Dear Diary,
The party was awesome! Everybody left around 9:30. It took me and mother forever to clean up the mess and wash all the dishes. I must say that was probably one of the best birthday parties I ever had. Father stayed the whole time. Both he and mother got along just fine. It was like nothing had ever happened between them. It felt like for once we were a normal family with no problems at all. I just hope that it stays like that, it probably won’t though. The best part was when I got to open all my presents, I just got cash. Instead of getting $300 like what I was hoping for, I got $316, which is even better! Mother said that she’ll take me tomorrow to put all the money in my college fund. So now, I have $1,016 saved up. I can’t wait to put more money in it! Well I had a long day. I think I’ll call it a night. Goodnight whoever is reading this!
-Amy North

April 9, 1987 2:47 P.M.
Dear Diary,
So, my mother and I went to the bank to put all the money that I got from last night into my college fund. The weird thing is that when we got there, there wasn’t $700 in it like we thought. Mother and the bank lady were talking and I overheard her saying that somebody took all the money out. Do you think my father took all the money? Mother told me on the car ride home that she is going to talk to father once we get home. We all know what that is going to lead to.
-Amy North

April 9, 1987 9:30 P.M.
Dear Diary,
Father got home around 6:00. As soon as he walked through the front door, mother started questioning him. He told mother that he took the money out three weeks ago after he gambled all of his away. When I heard him say that I got really upset. I was so angry that my father thinks of my future as a joke. So angry, that I started to think that he doesn’t have faith in me. I can’t believe he used all of my college money just because he lost all of his. If he wants to gamble his whole life, then he should take lessons to make him better. He really went too far this time. I really think he should leave forever. Nothing can ever fix this.
-Amy North


April 10, 1987 5:12 A.M.
Dear Diary,
I didn’t get any sleep last night. Thank God there’s no school today! Everybody else is still sleeping. Around mid-night father came in sat on my bed and was crying. He didn’t say anything and then he just got up and left. When I went into the kitchen around 4:00, I found a note from father to mother. The note said,
“Dear Marie,
I’m sorry what I put you and the kids through. I’m sorry that I’m such a screw up. I’m sorry that I’m not the perfect father or husband. I’m sorry that I have a gambling problem. Most important, I’m sorry that I took all of Amy’s college money out because I didn’t have any. I understand if you and the kids don’t want anything to do with me. I think that we need a little break from everything going on between us. I decided to go away for a little while. If you need to get a hold of me, I’ll be at my brother’s house. Don’t worry; I have no more money to be gambling. Hopefully once I get back we can work things out.
-Jake”
So what does this mean? Does this mean that he’s done gambling and things are going to go back to normal? I think this is my only chance to tell mother how I feel.
-Amy North

April 10, 1987 9:34 A.M.
Dear Diary,
Mother just woke up. She’s reading the note right now. I have no idea how she will react to it. To me, my father going away for a while will be a break for all of us. She just got done reading the note. She isn’t crying, but she isn’t smiling. I wonder if she is mad that he left like that without saying sorry to me. I’ll ask her when she’s all done eating her breakfast and cools down a little.
-Amy North

April 10, 4:21 P.M.
Dear Diary,
Mother and I just got done talking about father. She said she wasn’t sad or happy that he left. She just said that she was hurt over what he put us all through and that it wasn’t fair to any of us on how he treated his children. She also said that once he gets back that he and she are going to talk about things. Hopefully they talk about them getting a divorced or something. Maybe he’ll be a different person when he returns. I don’t think mother should give him a second chance. He doesn’t deserve one at all. I can’t wait to go to school tomorrow to get my mind off of things.
-Amy North

April 17, 1987 7:12 P.M.
Dear Diary,
It’s been a whole week since father went away. I know I haven’t been writing a lot lately. I guess it’s because father hasn’t been here to cause any problems. This whole week has been awesome. I’ve been doing so well in school and I’ve been going to bed a lot earlier too. Next Monday is when he will be coming home and everything will be going back to normal around here. I hope this next week left without him will just be as great as last week. Travis hasn’t been complaining either. Mother has been doing awesome. For once I finally saw a smile on her face. I have no idea when the last time I saw her this happy. This just shows how happy we can be without him in our lives. Hopefully when he returns next week and the talk mother is going to have with him is going to be a good one.
-Amy North

April 23, 1987 6:39 P.M.
Dear Diary,
Father is coming home tomorrow. Mother said when we get home from school he should be here. These past two weeks have been great! Me and mother finally sat down had a conversation about father and how happy I’ve been. I told her “Ever since father left, things around here have been going great.”
Mother said, “I know that, but I have to think about everything else.”
I told her, “This isn’t fair for me and Travis. We should have a say in all of this.”
After I said that she just stood up and walked away. I just hope she gets where I’m coming from. I just want father to come home so they can talk.
-Amy North

April 29, 1987 8:48 P.M.
Dear Diary,
When Travis and I got home from school on Monday, father was there. When I walked through the door he came and gave me a big hug and said “I’m sorry what I did to you. I’m sorry that I took the $700 out of your college fund.” I just walked away and went into my room. When mother came home they sat down and talked. I couldn’t hear anything. Whenever they were done talking father got up and started packing his stuff. He packed all of it. He didn’t leave anything of his behind. Whatever they were talking about had enough power to make him leave. I just wonder what’s next.
-Amy North

May 14, 1987 7:25 A.M.
Dear Diary,
Ever since that day father took all of his things and moved out things have gone pretty good around the house. Father and mother decided that things were never going to be the same between them. They are in the beginning of getting a divorced right now. Travis’s grades have gone up a lot. Mother and he are connecting much better now. I now tell her everything that’s going on in my life. Mother said that father will see us every other weekend. Father took up some classes to make him stop gambling and to help out with his anger problems. I guess you could say he’s trying to be a normal father now. Just think, none of this probably would have happened if he never went on that vacation to Vegas.
-Amy North