For Formality

Some of the most awkward moments in life happen at one's own home. Such a moment is sure to occur when a distant relative, known only to one's grandparents, comes visiting on what was expected to be a leisurely Sunday evening. I have a general dislike for formalities and when the guest is at our door, formalities galore. What I dislike more is when I'm expected to observe the formalities too and it is also here, one encounters awkward situations.



While I pretend to be non-existent, the conversation between the guest and the people at my home - my parents and my grandma - follow a predictable script. It is at the point when they begin talking about kids, I would be forced to enter the scene. We could all be acting in an epic soap opera watched by audience spread across galaxies through technologies far superior than the simple television, in which we humans seem to have found complete satisfaction. A second time, I am summoned to enter the hall and face the hitherto, faceless, nameless visitor claiming to be related to me. A third summon would mean disrespect. Leaving my activity as it is, I get on my feet and enter the hall of my home, with an amiable disposition – perfected to appear natural through years of practice.



Although, the visitor is well settled, it is necessary that I should formally welcome the person. This is rather a simple act and I would not hold a grudge against formalities if things ended right there. Alas, it is not to be. Uninvited, my grandma would enquire me if I know the person. This is where the awkwardness begins as I have absolutely no clue, whatsoever. My parents simply smile at me which is not of much help. They are probably expecting me, in some miraculous way, to give the correct answer. Life revolves in such a way that parents are defined to have high expectations and their children are meant to fail them. The current situation is no exception to the rule.



Getting back to the task at hand – the question of identity of the visitor – a solution could be attained in three different ways. One could always guess the profession of a stranger through his costume. Neither the approach is likely to work in this case nor does the question demand the profession of the person. Moving on, one could guess the person's name. I could get it wrong in my first attempt and the visitor, would simply correct me, revealing his/her true name. Unfortunately, if the guest was too distant a relative, even my parents wouldn't know the person's name and they would have adopted a similar strategy to extract the name out of the person. Actually, the answer expected from me is the supposed relationship that I have with that person. This is apparently known only to my grandma and I must say, whatever the relationship she has in her mind, I strongly question its authenticity. If this was an exam, I would happily write down ‘Data insufficient’ as the answer. The situation is further complicated by the fact that if I happen to guess the relationship wrongly, it would be embarrassing to everyone. He could be my uncle's son but based on his appearance, I might deem him to be my uncle at best. Eventually, all hope of finding a way out would be lost and I would put on an idiotic smile.



“He was too young when he last saw me... he won't be able to remember”- with those words from the visitor, the awkwardness, to my great relief, would come to an abrupt end.