Growing up

Growing up, uhm.

No more happily ever afters. I miss my story books. I miss being a child.

I want to keep from getting older.

I realize i want to keep the faith and dream.





At 23 i realize the thing i fear more than death is love.

It scares me too much i've closed my heart and put it in a bottle.

I wish i could experience innocence once more.

I wish i could see the world through the eyes of a child, wish i could borrow their innocence for a day.

I would fall in love just to hold hands. Have the excitement of having my first love.

I detest this internet era, i miss the days of letters, miss the days i longed to receive and reply, oh, all those people i yearned for.



But am 23 and the world is watching, no, it can't sleep.

Waiting for me to slip so they can judge.



At 23, i look at all this emptiness around me,

I can see it in the eyes of the rich and poor.

Can see them worry about the economy and growing old.

I see them suffer. Wish i had powers to comfort just one soul.

However am not any different from them, i worry.

Sometimes i worry about my next meal but my foolish pride makes me keep my head up,

dry lips hidden behind that heavy lip gloss i so often carry.

Poverty hidden behind this beautiful clothes i wear.

A weak weary heart behind this beautiful smile.



But am 23 and at this age i realize am losing faith.

Can hardly believe in anything.



The list of loved ones ive lost is endless.

Wishing i had something to hold on to.

I realize i never want to let go of anyone. Wish i could atop death.

Wish all it took was a command.

Wish i could force the hand of the Creator.



But am 23 and wish i had apathy.

Wish i didn't care what happened to anyone. But, i have a heart so big it cares.



My body begins to develop, washing away all that baby fat.

Am now all Woman.

Pretty

Full figured

Yeah, a true African lady.

I realize its just a stage and its only a few years before it all washes away.



But am just 23 and does this really matter to the reader?

Does he/she know of my existence?



I realize life isn't all bad.

Before long, i will be in the arms of true love.

Before long i will love beautiful children who will mean the world to me.

I cant help but thank God for the blessings in my life.

Cant help but hope for something more, something beautiful.



But am just 23 and next year, i will be 24 remembering my 23 and looking forward.