Animals

January 13, Friday 7:24 a.m. Coalport, Pennsylvania

Dana laid motionless on the floor. She was making breakfast when it happened. Eggs and toast. She was just about to plate her eggs when her pet collie, Daisy jumped at her knocking her to the floor and proceeded to bite and tear at her flesh. Her wounds were fatal. Dark arterial blood oozed out of her as her life slowly ebbed away. She thought of her friends, family, and then...nothing.

January 13, Friday 8:41 a.m. Flight 76 Bound for Hawaii

MAYDAY! MAYDAY! WE’RE GOING DOWN! WE HAVE DUAL ENGINE FAILURES AND I...I...CAN’T CONTROL THIS BITCH ANY LONGER. I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED! ALL OF A SUDDEN WE WERE CRUISING AT 30,000 FEET AND...AND A SCHOOL...I DON’T WHAT THE HELL...AN ASS LOAD OF BIRDS JUST FLEW INTO OUR ENGINES. BOTH OF ‘EM! IT WAS A CLOUD OF DAMN BIRDS! THOUSANDS OF THEM! THEY FLEW DIRECTLY INTO OUR GODDAMN ENGINES! THE SKY IS LOADED WITH BIRDS!

January 13, Friday 9:15 a.m. Fort Worth, Texas

Inside of the Fort Worth Zoo chaos had erupted. Most of the animals had escaped their habitats and were roaming the zoo with murderous intentions. A pack of baboons tossed around a severed head while two of the zoo’s oldest female elephants continued to stomp the life out of their handler. A full grown male lion set high upon a rock and bellowed in triumph. He had killed the entire Harrison family.

January 13, Friday 12:17 p.m. Washington, D.C.

My fellow Americans. We are under attack. These recent animal attacks are not just coincidental. They are happening all over the world. Many lives have already been lost and many more are expected. All of our armed forces are currently holding a meeting on how to deal with this current situation.

Why all of the animals on the planet decided to attack no one knows. There is no rhyme or reason to this ungodly phenomenon. This is a very dangerous situation and should be taken with the utmost discretion. Please, stay inside your homes and...

January 13, Friday 12:34 Macon, Georgia

“David! David! Your dog! Your dog! Come get this fucking dog off of me NOW! David.....”