Beautiful Truth

Truth is, I'm afraid of everything. There's always a constant fear that haunts every inch of me that stops me from doing what I want the most. What it is I'm afraid of I'll never know. There's just always some sort of insecurity surrounding me. Maybe it's what other people will think is what scares me, maybe it's how I'll feel about myself, or maybe I'm afraid of the consequences of every action. I always dread what's next, I don't look forward to anything at all because I'm always preparing myself for disappointment. I don't feel safe inside myself, I question every thought, every movement even just the blink of an eye. I sit here and convince myself things that don't make any sense, I make myself feel crazy and not normal. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only real thing in this world and everything is just my imagination, although I seem to have no control. I'm overwhelmed with the pressures of life, growing up and things changing. I have a hard time with things changing, I don't like it when things are different. Every second I think about the past and missing it, never looking forward to what the future holds in store for me. Sometimes I feel as if there is no future for me, that I'm living the last moments of my life right now and I've done nothing great with my time. I think a lot about death. Not about killing myself but thinking about how much closer it is to all of us than it seems. It could be us on the news tomorrow morning, maybe even tonight. Something could happen, this world is so unpredictable. But why do I sit and fear it instead of just go with the flow of reality? I make no sense to myself. My mind is a constant battle of arguments that even I don't seem to understand. I just know, that I'm confused and afraid and if I could, I would run from it all.