Dear Pope Freddy

        Any Catholic can become Pope.
        No one thought Freddy would be Pope.
        He wasn't even that religious.

        He just liked to help people and play bingo.
        Well, someone important at one of those bingo games noticed Freddy.
        And faster than you can say bingo Freddy was the Pope.

        I know what your thinking.
        What does a Pope do?
        Well, he waves a lot and makes speeches.

        Pope Freddy decided to be more generous.
        He donated the mafia money in the Vatican to the Brother Hood of Islam.
        It was a gesture of interfaith charity.

        Oh my, the press in the west did not like that.
        Sarah Palin got a campaign to dump the Pope.
        She got 323,000,000 signatures and got payed doubled that.

        Pope Freddy made more speeches and waved faster.
        But, the Catholics really did not like the Brother Hood of Islam.
        The Pope couldn't get the money back.

        So, he promised the mafia absolution if they'd send more money.
        The Vatican banks were bursting with indulgences.
        And mafia bosses were receiving Papal sainthood.

        The Pope donated the mafia money to the Vatican retirement estates.
        This was actually a slush fund for casinos and race tracks.
        A Vatican lottery was established for the Italian people.

        The poor Italian people lose 36% of their income to taxes.
        Now, thanks to Freddy, they could win a million dollar jackpot.
        Or they could play the horses at the Vatican track.

        Pope Freddy was on the cover of Forbes Magazine.
        Catholic churches began to reopen with slot machines and bingo.
        Plenary indulgences or cash could be won on a Papal scratch ticket.

        When asked if the Vatican had sold out to greed.
        Pope Freddy replied, "Render onto Caesar a new car!"
        Pope Freddy was a man of the people and fathered several children.

        "Be fruitful!" the Pope decreed.
        And many Nuns and Priest followed his example with an end to cellebicy.
        "It is not good for man to be alone." Pope Freddy declared with his son.

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