Lesson 3 Teresa's Apartment version 1

Draft of Teresa's Apartment, Version 1 (This ain't gonna fly)


Alonso sat working on the books, in the basement of the townhouse. It was around nine O’clock in the evening when he finished. He locked the cage and stood, stretching his arms. Activating a button he stepped back and a false wall descended hiding the workspace. Actually it was a concealed cubical contained inside a larger workspace. It was Carmelita’s room.

As the wall panel clicked shut he looked about. The room contained a large brass bed with cotton padding handcuffs hanging from the posts. From the ceiling nylon restraints dangled silently from their chain bindings. In the corner was a shiny medical examining table with stirrups and leather straps were draped across the stainless steel top. A cross, loomed in the corner with Velcro wrist fasteners. This was the room where Carmelita, had once brought her Submissives.

While he never shared his wife’s passion for BDSM they were perfect for one another in almost every other regard. She kept the books, helped map his drops and watched his back. For twenty-five years they had worked flawlessly as a team and suddenly she was gone.

He sat heavily in an overstuffed chair and tried to relax. On the end table alongside was her Coach handbag. It was grey and black with those distinctive “Cs”. Poking out was the butt of a 38 caliber Smith and Wesson. He’d tossed it back inside over a year ago. The day she died at the convenience store.

Normally Carmelita drove a half-mile behind when he made pickups and deliveries. She made sure nobody was following. The snub nosed revolver normally rested in her purse. That morning, however, Alonso had taken it from her hobo bag and put it in his holster. He remembered that inexplicable feeling of dread that alerted his intuition. I should have listened, he told himself. His mind drifted back to that fateful morning.

She must have seen the two freelancers enter the store behind him and realized they intended to highjack the delivery. He found the bag afterwards, laying open with the contents dumped all over the front seat. Carmelita had rushed inside to warn him. Crying out his name, she was shot dead.

He burred his head in his hands and wept. They were deep wracking sobs, filled with recriminations and bitterness.

At length he looked up, and with a supreme exercise of will, got to his feet.

You can’t go on doing this, he told himself. It’s time to move on. He held the bag to his nose Inhaling deeply Still there, was that collage of fragrances, all uniquely hers. It was all that remained of the only woman he’d ever loved. OR WAS IT?

He flipped open his cell phone and scrolled down to Louisa’s number. He pushed “Send” and listened while it rang six times. She was always slow to pick up. A length he heard her voice.

“Alonso?”

“In the flesh,” he replied, “Look, I need to see you.”

“Tonight?”

“Yeah, tonight”

“What do you have in mind?” she inquired.

“Are you worried?”

“Not particularly.”

“We need to talk.”

“My place?”

“I was hoping you’d say that. “

“How soon?

“In about an hour.”

…

When Alonso drove up he saw the curtain fall back. She was waiting, he noted . He parked and looked both ways. The Sweeper had been through in the past hour. The asphalt was still wet and there was that distinctive chemical odor. The street skin he used to wear returned to his awareness. He began to tingle and he looked carefully about. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, he crossed the street. Atop the stairs at the entry he saw Louisa at the door. She was wearing a cotton bathrobe and buzzed him in. When the door still didn’t open she kicked bottom to break it loose. It swung wide enough for him to get through and she pushed it shut. Without a word she turned and started up the stairs.

There wasn’t much to see beneath the bulky padding but the movement of her hips still drew his eyes. {i] How long has it been since I had a piece of ass? he wondered. Too long.

There was a scent in the alcove, characteristic of an old building. He always attributed the odor to mold growing inside the plaster lathe. It reminded him of the house he grew up in. He hadn’t smelled it for a long time..

At the top of the second level she turned right into the hall and proceeded down two doors. At apartment 204 she stopped, and inserted a key card. It buzzed and there was again the telltale click followed by a shaft of light spilling into the corridor. He followed, blinking, as his eyes adjusted to the bright room.

The wallpaper was a floral print. The floor was tongue and grooved hardwood, with a glossy varnish and fresh coat of wax. From above hung a modern reproduction ceiling-fan, its blades moving at slow speed. The furnishings included two bookcases, a library table, an antique stuffed sofa and leather recliner. Along the far wall was a cherry cabinet that held a wide screened TV. Next to the kitchen stood an Art Deco china cabinet with curved glass, showcasing a collection of porcelain figurines.

Louis kept walking into the kitchen. On the table was a plate of glazed donuts and two place settings. She got some cream out of the refrigerator and grabbed the beaker full of coffee.

“Is this a social visit or did you have something else in mind?”

He smiled seating himself in a sturdy kitchen chair.

She poured their cups full, and returned the Pyrex pot to its slot in the Mr. Coffee machine.

Curtain #1 He said smiling.

Then I’ll let you lead things off.

He relaxed. First off I want to thank you for helping Rochelle in the kitchen the night when I had some of my colleagues over…

“I know I know, Mrs. Fortuna made it clear I was to leave but your daughter can be very persuasive. “

“I know the feeling. Since Carmelita died she seems to have me wrapped around her little finger.”

“Well, expecting her to serve your guests was a job well beyond her pay grade.”

“I realize that now,” he said chuckling. “At the time however it seemed like such a good idea.”

“All I did was make sure everything was hot and handed her the right platters.”

“I remember how amazed I was, that she was doing so well.”

“With a little training, she could be a maid some day, just like me.”

“I’m glad you brought that point up.”

“Is this where I get promoted to a Cook? Isn’t that what you promised?”

“Ahhh, no Louisa, it isn’t.”

“So what is the occasion for this visit?”

“As you’re no doubt aware, Carmelita, my wife, was a bystander during a convenience store robbery.”

“I’m familiar with the story I know its been hard for you.”

“Yes, it has been. I miss her terribly, both as a wife and a business partner.”

She gave him a “Completely at a loss look.”

Alonso continued. “Carmelita operated a branch office for the Agency in Hillsdale Mall, out on the perimeter. It’s been closed the past year but in its day it was a moneymaker. I’d like to reopen it.”

“You want to hire me as a Travel Agent?”

“A Manager/Agent. It would pay a whole lot more than your making now.’

“But I don’t know anything about the travel business.”

“You’re smart and I’m sure you’ll be a quick study. Jenny will be your mentor, teach you the ropes and answer any questions.”

“Jenny?”

“She works as my assistant at the Main Office. You’d work as an Intern for a month and then take over, once we reopen.”

“How much is a whole lot more?”

“Fifty thousand plus commissions.”

“I don’t know, what to say, she said standing up. She looked dumbfounded, “I just don’t know what to say.” Louisa walked around the table and kissed him on the forehead.

His hands reached around her waist and he stood taking her in his arms. His eyes were intense and hers had a look of vulnerability. She raised her chin and his fingers reached behind her head. His lips closed.

It was an impassioned moment that heralded a new benchmark in their relationship. Up to then both seemed to be holding back but now as he felt her stomach cling to his, everything seemed to change. She tasted fresh, and her neck smelled ravishing.

She groaned, squirming in delight as they rocked back and forth in each other’s arms. Her robe began to come undone and he saw the creamy texture of her skin and the outline of her bra beneath.

She pushed back. No! she said emphatically. We can’t be doing this right now.

Please Louisa, I need you so bad, more than you can ever imagine.

She walked over to the sink and turned fixing him with a glare.

“So this was your agenda. Making the poor little maid an offer she couldn’t refuse and then fucking her eyeballs out. No thanks Mr. Sanchez. My pride and self respect aren’t for sale.”

“That’s not why I came over.”

“Liar! I hate it when a man does that. When he says one thing but all he’s thinking about is a piece of ass. “

Alonso considered her polint of view and saw where she was coming from. “So what else is new?” he snapped back. Throwing up his hands he continued, “Ok, so I’m busted, turns out I’m just a man, like we all are… I can see you’ve already discovered that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean… ?”

“It means I’m attracted to you physically. Right now I have a hard on that won’t quit. If that’s a surprise I’m sorry but if you think that’s the only reason I came over you’re wrong.”

“You’re serious about the job offer?”

“You bet your sweet ass I am.”

“You didn’t just come here to get your jollies off?”

He paused….

She sagged. “Cat got your tongue?”

“Can’t you accept that wasn’t the primary reason.”

Then get up and go. Give me some time to think about it…

I will but think about this. I was married to my first wife for twenty-five years and never cheated…. Not once have I ever known a woman, not before or since. I’m glad you jerked me to my senses. If walking out that door will prove to you I care, then I’m out of here.”

He picked up his coat and walked into the living room. Then he paused and looked back. It was his undoing. Louisa was in tears. She stood, shoulders drooped, head hung and sobbing.


Alonso came back and put his arms around her. His hands slipped down around her waist and he set her buttocks on the kitchen table. His hand stroked her hair and his face was flushed with compassion.

She looked up from beneath her forehead. Her almond eyes sparkled with a shy adoration. Her bathrobe fell from her shoulders and she reached behind, releasing the hasps to her bra. It fell from her breasts as she rolled her shoulders letting the straps fall free. Casually she whisked it aside letting it fall aside.

He rolled her back on the vinyl tablecloth, sweeping aside the salt and peppershakers and almost knocking the cream and sugar to the floor. As she lay pinioned he took a breast. It was ample but not overly large and instead of round like a peach it was more elongated like one of those designer tomatoes you see at Wall Mart. However, it wasn’t the size and shape that drew him closer but the creamy nipple that poked up with an almost obscene invitation. The nub beckoned with a bud from a dark flowering areola. He took the nipple eagerly between his lips.

She raised her shoulder pushing up.

Suck it, suck it, she pleaded

He drew it all inside and began teasing, kneading it back and forth with his tongue. Releasing it seemed to pop with suction as he turned his attentions on the other.

Don’t stop she pleaded, not so hard, gentle like a baby.would.

At that instant Alonso's cell phone began ringing in his pocket...

(To be continued...) .

This version works well for the novel but not the class. I am already at 2K words and it doesn't begin to satisfy the lesson requirements. In my initial outline of the vignette I made space for 1. Reflecting on his transition from Carmelita's memory with his attraction to Louisa, 2. Going over to Louisa's apartment and 3. Having the romance begin to develop further emotionally and physically. There simply isn't space for that approach and I find it necessary to begin the vignette when Alonso arrives at the apartment. So the new outline will be, 1. The apartment, 2.The Job offer and 3. The clutch 4. The cell phone ringing. We'll see how version 2 of Lesson 3 goes.