Waking up Dead

Washing down the next handful of pills wasn't really that hard but I knew my hand was shaking. Which was stupid of course, because it wasn't like I was afraid of death... just curious. My fingers tightened around the shot-glass and my other hand discreetly slid the bottle of ibuprofen onto my lap as my friend joined me at my table. My vision was shaky but I could see her well enough to fill the details in myself. She was pretty, with long black hair and beautiful tan skin. Her eyes were heavily shaded with black and her lips were bright red. The nails on the fingers that clenched around her glass were a bright rich red. She seemed just as heavily intoxicated as I was, sans the drugs- when were those supposed to start working again.

"Sten- Stan- Ashton!" She giggled in embarrassment as she struggled to come up with my name.

"Sera." I acknowledged with a smile. I raised the shot-glass to my mouth, preparing to down it in one go but before I could my fingers shook and the glass slipped from between my fingers. I frowned at the stain over my t-shirt and jeans petulantly and Sera burst out laughing. I shot her a glare and muttered, "I'd like to see you try to raise a shot-glass without dropping it." I guess I lied earlier- I was more intoxicated than her. That or the drugs were starting to work. I looked down at the ruined shot across my clothing and splattered over the last of the fourth bottle of ibuprofen. How long did it take for that shit to work anyways? I sighed, that was what? My fifteenth shot? Sixteenth?

I shoved my chair away from the table, dropping the bottle that popped open and scattered the remaining eleven or so pills across the floor, I wasn't counting. The sudden movement startled me and I tripped against the table, making me yelp and hold my side as I struggled to my feet. A strong hand grabbed my arm and pulled me up and I blinked blearily at my helper.

"Zack?" I asked, furrowing my brow. When had he gotten here? His blonde hair was spiked up and his blue eyes looked down at me curiously. I gave him a roguish smile, "Come to join the party?"

Instead of answering me Zack looked up, was that Mercyful Fate playing in the background? "Okay, who got Ashton drunk?"

I scoffed and pulled myself up straighter, leaning against the table that Sera was napping on with an indignant expression on my face, "I got Ashton drunk thank you very much." Zack rolled his eyes at me but I wasn't paying any attention to him. The song had changed and I wanted to dance.

I tired to walk to the living room but within a few steps my stomach began to cramp up and I collapsed into Zack's arms- who had apparently been walking behind me to catch me for just that occasion. I gave him a smile that I'm sure looked loopy and asked, "Why I didn't know you swang this way." I paused, "Swung. Swang, swung swing!" Zack once again didn't respond and hauled me back into a standing position as I giggled. He paused when we got near to the stairs and said something to someone who was passing us by, Morgan maybe? I was a bit preoccupied with my stomach though. Once we got up the stairs I was in serious pain.

But I was finally enjoying myself! That wasn't fair! I groaned pitifully and leaned against Zack's side. He sighed, "Just how many shots did you take?" I opened my mouth to respond then groaned and buried my face into his shoulder as another bought of pain wracked my side.

"Seven, nine, fifteen? Something like that." I breathed out heavily as I clenched my teeth against the pain.

"What?" I whined at his tone and wrapped my arms around my stomach. Zack hurried his steps and I could do little but follow his example as we made our way to the bathroom. Once I saw the white of the toilet bowl I had a horrible feeling and before I knew it was I retching into the bowl. I think Zack stayed with me because I know his fingers were on my shoulders and rubbing my back. "Alcohol poisoning." I heard him mutter a few minutes later but I was in too much pain to listen to him to closely. "What did you have?"

He waited for me to empty my stomach once more before suddenly blowing up, "Ashton! Why the hell is there ibuprofen in there! Are you trying to kill yourself!" I just clenched the rim of the bowl as I lost my stomach once more. When I finished I realized that he was gone from my side. Someone was yelling about cops and cell-phones and the music shut off but I just clenched my stomach tighter. Who knew it would hurt this damn much? Hands were back now but they weren't Zack's. Softer, female?

"Shh... It's alright Ash, Zack got Emma to call the ambulance, they'll be here soon."

"N-not don-d-done studying y-yet." I coughed out before dry-retching over the toilet.

The girl paused in rubbing my back and asked quietly, "Studying? What are you studying?" I didn't answer, my vision was getting black and I know I slipped to lean against her. Ah, she was Jackie- Sera's sister- wasn't she? I smiled at her blearily and she continued, a worried expression on her face, "Ash, Ash what are you studying?" I waved my hand negligently and slurred something out that should have been 'death' but didn't sound like a distinguishable word. She must have heard something that I didn't because she suddenly shifted me so I was lying on my back and left the room.

Loud noises downstairs. Zack was yelling, was that Sera screaming? Heavy footsteps pounded up the stairs and someone was standing over me. "How- why would you do that? Why didn't you just tell someone?" I narrowed my eyes and tried to get a good look at their face but I couldn't see anything other than a blob of purple.

"D'I know oo?" I questioned suspiciously before pulling myself into a ball and whimpering at the feeling of acid in my stomach. "N'vmind I's- I've gotta know. Gotta see..." And then words were too much for me and I let out a strangled yell, curling tighter into a ball.

"Leave him be you moron! You and Clarise should be clearing out- you know that your parents won't let you get away with another juvie sentence." Zack? A presence and I smiled weakly even though I couldn't tell where he was, "You okay Ashton?" The same bleary smile, "Good, the ambulance will be here soon. I'll be here but everyone else is leaving. Serafina wanted to stay but Jacqueline took her home. How about you talk to me?"

Talking took so much effort. My head was spinning and I felt like my stomach was eating me from the inside out. I muttered distractedly, "Never thought I'd be eaten out." Zack didn't seem to get my poorly themed joked for a few seconds before he snorted.

"That was the worst joke you could have made in this situation." I gave him a cheeky smile before wincing. He pet my hair soothingly and I slowly calmed down. "Why did you do it?" His voice was dead serious but I couldn't get a grip on the emotion- was 'serious' even an emotion?

"Cur'yus." I muttered finally and Zack probably ran a hand across his face. It seemed like something he would do.

"You were curious so you decided to try to commit suicide with a bottle of ibuprofen." Zack summed up but I just shook my head.

"Four." Zack stilled. Eventually he pulled something out of his pocket and messed with it. Oh, a cellphone.

"It's me again, from 213 Avalon Drive. How soon will the ambulance be here?" a pause, "He's alive for now. He just said he used four bottles. Please hurry." A sharp click ended the call and Zack sighed. "Really Ashton? It's not like you can share you experience or write about it or whatever if you're dead!"

I waved him away but felt exhaustion creeping up on me and just muttered my response, "Nu'wun'd miss me."

-

I woke up several hours- days?- later but I wasn't quite sure where I was or what time it was or anything. I didn't have a hangover though, yay for happy surprises. Wait... why was I awake at all? I had fully believed I would die. I moved to get up but paused when I realized my body wasn't reacting. I know I was breathing, I know I was alive, but why couldn't I move?

"He's still in a coma Mrs. Kellon but you're welcome to check up on him." Mrs. Kellon? What was my mom doing here? Keh, who was I kidding I was in the hospital wasn't I?

"Thank you again for all that you've done." There was a click and the door opened letting in a blue-covered nurse, the distinct form of my older sister and my mother. The nurse smiled at my mother and said she'd be back soon.

Abigail sat down next to me and pet the back of my hand sadly. "He'll wake up, right mom?" I wanted to tell her, I was awake, but once again, my throat refused to cooperate. My mother sighed on the other side of me and brushed the hair from my forehead.

"I hope so Abigail, I hope so."

There was silence for a few moments before Abigail started to talk, "I was talking to Zack yesterday- he comes here everyday you know- and he said that he talks to you, asks you why you did it." Her voice started to shake, "It wasn't my fault was it? I'm sorry I couldn't come to the party, you know I would have stopped it. I could have!" I wanted to hug her so badly.

"Don't cry Abi, please, I was curious, I wasn't mad at you! I didn't have anything important to do, or say or-or anything. My life consisted of going to school, fighting, sleeping and partying. I didn't have a life at all- don't blame yourself for what I did!" But my mouth remained immobile and my expression didn't change.

Abigail sniffed and continued talking, "I- you probably would tell me not to blame myself, that's what Zack said too. He said that if he'd just gotten there sooner then maybe you wouldn't have gotten so sick." she was crying now, "He s-said that if you survived you might wake up with b-brain damage or just stay like-like this! Like a vegetable, forever! I- please wake up Ash. Nolan knows you're in the hospital but no one's told him why, he's so worried about you. Why would you do it? Don't-don't you know how much I love you? If-if you'd talked to me or mom or dad or Zack or anyone things could have been better!" She was sobbing into his hand now and mom's hand was shaking as she continued to brush back my hair.

More silence. It was unnerving actually and I wondered why anyone would commit suicide if this is what happened to you-well, I suppose they didn't know. I looked at mom sadly as she wiped at her cheeks with a tissue, "I'm sorry. I thought it wouldn't work. It wasn't hard at all and I just- I just kept swallowing them. Don't blame Zack or- or anyone. They don't deserve it. You- you guys should have just gone back to your lives. I'm not that important."

A darkness by my mother's shoulder made me focus on it and soon I made it out to be a grotesque demon-like figure with rotting flesh and an eyeball that hung from its socket. What the heck? It approached me and sat on my chest so I was looking at it square in the face and the eye was inches from my lips. I grimaced and it snickered.

"Come out, come out wherever you are." The creature crooned in its high nasally voice. "I know you're in there. Don't make me force you out." What? In where? My body?

"Who the hell are you supposed to be?" I heard a dark delighted cackle and sharp nails dug into my chest. I wanted to scream.

"I knew you were in there somewhere- there's always that something that keeps the heart beating." It seemed to be musing to itself as its nails began to claw at my neck, dragging me upwards even though I knew I was still on the bed.

"No! Go! I have to get back to them, I can't just leave!" Nails at my face clawed me deeply but no blood poured from the wounds.

"You're dead- or almost but what's a few week's difference." The creature chided me in return. I screamed as those nails tore down my sides.

"Wh-what are you doing? What do you mean? I'm alive! Awake!" The argument was weak even to me but the creature laughed again, that sinister, cold laugh.

"Why I'm ripping up what made you Ashton Kellon- we can't have personalities where you're going." I let out a shout as another slash made my face react like ground beef and the thing looked pleased, "Oh a few more and you'll be alright."

"No! No let me go!" I lashed out and the thing hissed and jumped back as though it had been burned.

I cradled it's hand to its chest and sneered, "I'll come back for you. Just you wait."

-

When I woke things weren't quite the same. If possible things were worse than before. This time I didn't try to end the boredom, this time I embraced it. Why? Because I was so, so scared of who that creature was. So I retreated, and let them think my quietness was from the reflection on my 'incident'. I let them think that, I let them think me shaken from something they could understand rather than frighten them with fantasies.

I'll never be the same, because that creature will come back, he promised and he will. All I can do? Is give myself a fighting chance to end up somewhere that my personality itself won't need to be shredded to bits.