Life in a home with domestic violence

I get the family up and ready for the day.  I see the children to the bus stop and return to the house.  Prepare his breakfast and fix his lunch.  He isn't in a good mood this morning.  I follow him to the front steps and kiss him goodbye so the neighbors can see what a loving family we are.  I go back in the kitchen and I wonder what was wrong.  I can't escape the feeling of dread, I don't know what mood he will be in when he comes through the door.  I pray he comes home early so that we can get it over before the children get home from work.  I look at the clock, I hear the kids coming up the walkway; they are so happy, laughing and joking with each other. Mom you look so sad, what is wrong? My son says one day we will be living in another place where we will be truly happy and not afraid of anything and we will see that beautiful smile of yours.

I finish dinner and the kids eat, but I wait for the slam of the car door and the swearing as he comes through the door. LINDA I hear him scream where is my dinner. It is ready honey I'm putting it on the table, I tell him. I didn't tell you to put it on the table, put it in the microwave I'll tell you when I want to eat.  Where
are the children? They are doing their homework I say. Put my food on the table and call them down here he says.  Paul can they please finish their homework first? What did I say he screams, in my face.  I call the children and they come downstairs. Hi daddy our daughter says to him. Our son just came in and stands beside me. What you can't speak fool he says to our son. You don't want to talk so I'll fix so can't talk and he swings at Paul Jr. with a closed fist. I step in front of our son and takes his fist full force in the side of my face. The pain is undescribable, I became disorientated for a minute, but I could see my husband going after our son.  I tell him to stop or I was going to call the police. Police he says, you are going to call the police on ME! Bitch I will kill you first and he kicks me in the stomach, then he steps on my head, I scream for the children to go next door and call the police, but they're frozen in their tracks. I look at my son and  says take your sister and run; instead he graps his father and says "dad beat me I'm the one you are mad at.

He said to his son, I'm sick and damn tired of all of you and I don't ever want to have to deal with you again and he left to go upstairs. I knew he was going for the gun.  I told the children we must run he's going to kill us. I finally knew that after hundreds of beatings this was the final one. The neighborhoods perfect family was coming to an end.  Our neighbor had already called the police, I had to protect MY children I pushed them out the door ahead of me just as Paul fired  the shotgun it hit me in the middle of my back the last thing I remember was a policeman grabbing the children, they were safe. I woke up in the ICU I had been there for a week, paralyzed from the waist down, but all I wanted to know was if the children were safe.  My mother looked at me and said your children are safe but Paul didn't make it, he shot at the police and they shot him, he's dead.  How did I get here, PHD, mother, wife, seemingly great life on the outside and total horror on the inside.  I will become an advocate for Domestic Violence Victims.  Mama J March 25, 2013