Just Because YOU Can’t See It...

When it comes to various disorders & disabilities, there are some that when you approach someone on the street, you can sometimes tell right away what they have; or at least you have a good idea what may be wrong. For example, if you pass by someone who is walking with crutches, you can assume with good reason that they had an injury, had surgery, or have a disability where they need them to walk. Right? Unfortunately, not every disability or disorder is obvious just from looking at someone. There are a number of issues that people battle that you wouldn’t know it unless you knew the individual personally. Some of the more common ones are diabetes, hypertension, cancer, depression, as well as ADHD and Autism. Yet, the battle is real to the one who is suffering. Understanding a little about what it is they have, and learning a little about their “world” can make a huge difference.

You can’t just walk up to someone & tell without getting to know them whether they have ADD/ADHD or Autism. Even more, most people who have it either don’t know that they have it, don’t feel comfortable letting others know they have it, or maybe aren’t sure how to cope with it themselves. Helpful & available resources, support and even guidance for those with such issues is still scarce. What makes it harder is the fact that no two people that have it suffer the exact same issues. And each day is different. When it comes to people around them, many are uneducated, insensitive, & unaware of the realities behind these issues; they stay locked up in their assumptions & comfort zones. Often these people are as close as family, friends, or those you run into in the grocery stores & malls making faces or rude comments because they see a young child ‘throwing a tantrum’, when in reality they’re having a meltdown… It’s NOT their fault, nor is it because of bad parenting. As for the adults, some seem to be quite content keeping to themselves. They may not be considered “social butterflies”, yet they are usually quite creative, analytical, artistic, intelligent, and mature people. Studies have shown that a good number of people who are in the arts, such as artists, photographers, cartoonists, writers, and even comedians have ADD or Autism. Some of the most intelligent researchers & people who have done amazing & groundbreaking things are those with Autism or ADD. Unfortunately, when the majority of people hear the term, they automatically assume that means there’s ‘something wrong’ with the person.

ADHD is no less real than Down’s syndrome, Depression, Hypertension, or any other disease. That is one of the reason it is considered an “invisible battle”. As I had mentioned earlier about isolation, it almost forces the one who is battling (or the parent of a child or children suffering) ADD or Autism to isolate themselves & their families not only because they get tired of the looks, comments, gestures, and stares, but also they begin to feel ostracized by those around them. Not only that, but sometimes it makes coping & managing much easier; whether it be at work, home, school, or in public.

When you hear someone say something like “having ADD is like living in a totally different world”, that’s exactly what they mean. It’s not saying that the adult or child suffering with ADD or Autism is out of touch with reality… it is saying that the “world” of ADD or Autism IS their reality. Their “normal” is different than for someone who isn’t suffering. That doesn’t make them any less of a person, any less able to live a full & abundant life, any less capable of great things. This doesn’t mean that if you come across a child with ADD or Autism, that you should be afraid of having your child befriend them. If you come across an adult with ADD or Autism, because of their creative, inventive, artistic & analytical abilities, you might actually find that they are a great asset and blessing to your life.

There are many uncomfortable & awkward moments these adults, children, & families face. It can happen at school, at a park, in a doctor’s office, at work, on a date, individually, or anywhere. For example, a mother of a child who has ADD or Autism has entered a semi bustling restaurant to enjoy a meal with her family. The hostess seats the family in a booth, gets their drinks, and their orders. For what seems to be no reason at all, the child begins to go into what many call a “fit”; starts screaming, flailing his arms… could even begin to hit the person next to them. As the family is trying to calm the child down, they’re engulfed with dirty looks & stares from around the room. If facial expressions could speak, they would read volumes; but none of this helps the situation. The child is still unhappy & unsettled. Come to find out, it was the lighting… or the food was a little too hot… or he felt trapped in the corner of the booth. Yet, those around them are making comments about the “bad parenting”, or how the child is so undisciplined, etc. When in reality, it is usually just the opposite, and it is actually something neither the child, nor the family, can do much about. The next time you see a situation like this, please don’t stare, make assumptions, or jump to conclusions.

Now let’s take an example of an adult with ADD. You could pick just about any occupation; the struggles & conflicts are usually the same. Forgotten deadlines or assignments, sometimes accused of having “your mind in the clouds”, gets overwhelmed from what some would consider simple tasks. Some adults with ADD have such short-term memory problems, that they have a hard time remembering names, dates, directions, etc. That’s not saying that they’re bad employees or workers. It just means that it is going to take a collaborative effort from the bosses & employee to work out a system that is beneficial to both. Unfortunately, the number of employers who are not only educated about this, but also that are compassionate & willing to work with employees like this, are few & far between. I’m guessing there are probably many employees who have ADD that either just doesn’t know they have it, are aware they have it & afraid to tell their boss/employer in fear they might get fired or treated differently or negatively, etc.

I can tell you not only as a mother who deals with these issues on a frequent basis, but also the parent of 2 children who have ADD; the battle is VERY real. The dirty looks & insulting comments in no way benefit the situation, nor the people involved. It’s like the old saying goes, “if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem”. And it is especially true in this circumstance. ADD & Autism are becoming more prevalent in our communities; ignoring or making assumptions will do no good. Those who struggle with these issues have a lot to contribute to our community, to society, and to the world; it just may not come about the way most of us would expect. Employers, leaders, teachers, and even medical professionals need to become more educated & aware, considerate, and cooperative with the needs, issues, and uniqueness of those who struggle in their daily lives just to cope, live, and thrive.

Don’t just automatically assume that your company, office, or surroundings would be “better off” without someone who suffers with ADD or Autism & use that as an excuse to get rid of the person/child; you could be missing out! Every person deserves a full opportunity to enjoy life, blossom, learn, grow, be successful & prosper, and live out their dreams; no matter what they may face in life.

Instead of automatically assuming or judging them, educate yourself!
Maybe try to get to know the person/family! You may find yourself a new friend!