Something Gets Bumped In the Night

She was awakened by a loud banging on the front door. "Whaaaattt???" Laura almost fell off the couch. As usual she had fallen asleep watching TV, tonight to a NCIS marathon. More Banging. "Coming!" she shouted, sure that whoever it was did NOT hear her.  She grabbed her metal baseball bat from under the vintage wooden coffee table and struggled to drag herself to a standing position. "Age is not my friend." she mumbled to herself as she cautiously approached the door trying to look out the window without being seen. Of course she couldn't see a thing.

More banging. "Who is it?" she shouted in as authoritative a voice as she could muster at 3 in the morning. Where's the phone! Oh Lord, its back on the table. More banging. "Who IS it???"  She turned and ambled as quickly as her chubby 64 year old legs could take her back to the couch to grab her cell.  More banging.  "What in the world..." she mumbled. 

Her sense of alarm was starting to be overtaken by annoyance. Who could this be?? That's what I get for living in the sticks...  More banging.  "I'm COMING!!"  This is like some bad horror film. If I call the police it'll probably end up being Billy and I'll look stupid and he'll just have something to tease me about.

More banging. My door can't take much more of this. "WHO IS IT??" As she tried to tiptoe back to her doorway Laura angled her body grotesquely against the side wall while crouching down and sliding up so that she couldn't be seen through the peep hole. As a mental picture of how retarded she must have looked flashed across her mind she couldn't help but chuckle. Distracted by her comic vision she tripped over her pant legs and fell hip first onto the door knob. "ARRGGHH" she tried to muffle her painful response to her innate clumsiness.  Well that should scare THEM.  This could be a scene from Saturday Night Live she thought. More banging. The sound startled her back to the reality of the moment.

"Who is it?"  She tried to see out the peep hole.  Blackness interrupted by a ray of dull light from her porch lantern. Good grief. I can't see anything. "WHO - IS - IT?" Is that giggling?  Who the sam hill is this?  Banging toward the bottom of the door.  Laura jumped so she almost fell on her bat. "CALLING THE POLICE"  "Mommy, it's me. Let me in."  "Sherrie?"  Laughing out loud now, "yeah, Mom, it's me!"  "I oughta beat you in the head with this bat"