Ladies, Please Take Your Seat

It’s 2013 Ladies, and it is time we take our seats.  What do I mean?  Our toilet seats.

Do you believe men must put the toilet seat down for you, Ladies?  Are there arguments in your house about the seat position?  Do you walk into the bathroom, see the seat left up and walk right back out to find the male culprit?  Have you sat down on the cold rim in the middle of the night and your first thought was to blame your husband?  If so, you might not want to read any further. If you must read on, I ask you to keep an open mind.

The prevailing belief is the toilet seat belongs in the down position.  For decades, since the toilet came indoors, we have told the men and boys in our lives using the toilet, “Put the seat down!” when they are done.  Our mothers told us it was courteous.  I was taught it was chivalrous and respectful, like opening a door for a woman.
 
And, let’s face it, Ladies.  We like it when our men are chivalrous and thoughtful.  We feel pampered and loved.  It reminds us of a simpler time when courtesy and manners were common.

But was that simpler time really better?  Women were thought to be fragile, and worse - incompetent.  We were kept at home, away from the prying eyes of the world.  We were not burdened with things best left to men like owning property, deciding whom we should marry, voting for our leaders or going to college.  Asking a doctor how to avoid pregnancy would land us in jail.  Our job choices were few, and our opportunities to achieve our potential even fewer.  Does this remind anyone of modern Afghanistan?

Times have changed.  Women are opening their own doors to lead countries, run global corporations and serve in the military.  Do you stop in front of a building, waiting for a man to open the door and usher you through?  Of course not!  You flex your own muscles and pull open your own door, holding it for the man behind you.  Do you remain in the car, waiting for your husband or boyfriend to make his way to your side to let you out?  Of course not!  You throw open your own door and race him to the television remote.

I say, we are all responsible for our own seat!  It’s radical, I know, but let me tell you how I got here.

Like most of you, I was raised to believe it was not only good manners, but essential that men and boys always remember to put the seat down. On the surface, it makes sense.  It’s kind.  It’s thoughtful.  I grew up and continued the tradition, until I encountered someone who challenged my thinking.

Almost 20 years ago, I dated a man who lived with a roommate and his older brother.  It was three guys in an apartment.  Not a woman anywhere.
 
One afternoon, I used the bathroom, as I had done many times in the year we had been together.  The toilet seat was up.  I even remember thinking it was so typical of those heathen males to leave the seat up.  About a half hour later, I heard my name in vain from the same bathroom.  The older brother returned in a huff.  He had finally had it with my rude behavior – I had left the toilet seat down again!

I laughed at the absurdity!

The event got me thinking.  I was visiting a house full of men.  More times than not, they need the seat up.  It was rude of me to impose my seat needs on them.  I didn't live there.  I hardly qualified as a guest anymore.  We had been dating for too long.  From then on, whenever I used the bathroom at their house, I remembered to return the toilet seat to the upright position.  On the occasion they needed to sit, they were used to putting the seat down themselves.

That relationship didn't last much longer, but the lesson I learned about the toilet seat stayed with me.

Time went on.  I taught my son to put the seat down, not so much for me as for his little sisters.  Anyone who has ever had to pull a screaming three-year old out of the toilet bowl because she has fallen in tries to avoid that ever happening again.  (Unless they didn't get it on film and need to do it one more time.  We parents need embarrassing pictures as leverage against our teens.)

Time went on some more, and the subject came up a few times in family discussions.  I thought back to that experience with my boyfriend’s brother.  It made sense to leave the seat up at their house.  Only men lived there.  But our family has both boys and girls.  Girls do outnumber boys in our house, but is it fair to use “majority rules” to solve every conflict?  No.  We needed to find a solution that worked for everyone.  So was born the notion that everyone is responsible for his, or her, own seat.  Plenty of disputes still happen here, but you never hear anyone complaining about the position of the toilet seat.

I issue you a challenge, Ladies. Stop being needy and high maintenance by demanding that men protect your bottoms.  If you walk into the bathroom and the seat is up, put it down and do what you came to do.  It doesn't take any real time.

Guys, I do have one request.  Please, don’t pee on the seat!