Reflection on loves of my life

The pain will always be there of our love affair ending. It only existed between us, and we didn't speak about  it. Others may have sensed something more than best friends because that is true. Forty plus years later, i  feel the deep ache of a broken heart. We were young and handsome, even beautiful, especially to each other. When our eyes met the joy was ecstatic. Finally, I had found someone who loved me back. It wasn't meant to survive and was another casualty of social stigma.

The loss of a love is unimaginably sad, but in this case, we both let it go because of our non-acceptance of our own true nature. That is a definition of personal tragedy.  We are who we are. Our true nature is pure, especially, our affection for others which is limited only by our own lack of self esteem. Writing journal entries about it helps I guess. Nothing ends the sadness. Since I met you my life changed forever and when I lost you my heart was broken forever.

I went on with my life sensing my true nature and trying to follow my inner compass to ultimate truth. I got lucky and found someone else that loved me back and this time we acknowledged it was a good thing. That ended for another reason, something much more sensible than self hatred. We split amicably although not without some pain.

Again my heart took a hit, but Gloria Gaynor encouraged me and "I will survive" became my song. I kept going on searching for that "heart of gold" Neil Young was singing about.

In 1986 a miracle happened in my life. His name is Tony and he is the light in my life. He is, was, will be what I had been searching for. How lucky I am that he chose to be with me. We are so fortunate to have met against all odds that we would ever even be in the same part of the planet much less the same room. Yet here we are quietly growing old together, more in love than I ever thought was possible. My broken heart of loves past has healed  by love present.