Fatal Love

I never knew love until I met Alex.  I met him at the bridge that I always sat at to think about life right down the road from the bookstore that I would always go to, to feed my literature addiction.  As a woman at the ripe age of thirty I felt that I was way beyond marriageable age and had given up hope of finding anyone who could possibly love me.  I decided that I would just spend the rest of my life with the two cats that were almost like children to me.  Then I met him.

         I was sitting on the edge of the bridge staring at the water about fifty feet below me when he walked up and leaned against it next to me.  He just stood there for a while and then said, “A penny for your thoughts ma’am?”  At first I was annoyed.  Why was this person intruding on my alone time?  Why couldn’t he just leave me alone?  When I looked at him I expected to find contempt on his face, but, instead, I found genuine curiosity, maybe even concern.  I was shocked at this, and even more at how words just started falling out of my mouth.

         I told him about my depression, about how my parents were both dead already from a bad accident on the highway that I survived but gave me a back injury that would pain me for the rest of my life.  I told him about how I was never able to find a man, never even dating after high school.  I told him about how I would sit there on that bridge and wonder if anyone would miss me, if I were to take the plunge, headfirst, into the dark shallow water below.  I told him about how the cats would probably starve to death and gave a small chuckle.  I said all of this and more and all he did was look at me and listen.  Finally, I said, “I am so sorry; you must have somewhere to be or something to do.  You really shouldn’t be standing here listening to a woman spew a bunch of garbage about how bad her life is.  What is your name?”

         “It’s Alexander, Alex for short, and as for me needing to be somewhere have no fear, I don’t have a job and I don’t have much of a home life anymore so I really don’t have anything better to do.  I welcome the distraction actually.  What, may I ask, is your name ma’am?”

         “Vanessa,” I said smiling, “Vanessa Vanguard.  I just realized you know my life story and I don’t know anything about you.”

         “Well then Vanessa, allow me to fix that.”  And so, he talked.  While we sat there staring at the water, he told me about his parents, his siblings, his pets, his old job, the car he used to drive before he lost his job, and how now he has nowhere to call home.  Most of his family was dead from one strange accident or another and all he had left was a nephew who he hadn’t seen in over a decade.  It was strange to think about how He and I were so similar in these aspects.  I offered him a place to sleep on my couch but he just smiled and said he was planning to stay with a friend for a while.  After that we decided to meet at the bridge once every week.

         After meeting him I decided that I would grow my hair back out to its natural blonde from the black that I had died it.  It took months but finally I was fully blonde again and the process wasn’t unbearable because the whole time Alex and I were able to make jokes about how I looked like a skunk.  Looking at it then, after it was all blonde again, I realized that it looked better that way.  It made my blue eyes pop and allowed me to wear brighter colors like pink that Alex seemed to like.

         It took me a while to realize that I loved Alex.  It started with me noticing that I would make a point to look better on the days that I met him.  I would put on make-up and curl my hair.  I would go through the trouble of timing my nails and making sure they were in order.  I even started wearing more flattering clothes to show more of my form.  I was shocked when I first realized what I was doing, but after a while I became used to it and actually enjoyed being pretty.

         The last time I met Alex was again, at the bridge.  I had decided that day to confess my love to him.  I wore my most flattering blouse, a pink short-sleeve with a flared collar, and a pair of faded jeans that showed off my assets.  On the way to the bridge there was a new skip to my step.  People were finally noticing me, and for once I didn’t feel like I shouldn’t exist.  It was all because of Alex.  He brought me out of my shell and allowed the real me to shine through for the rest of the world to see.  In return, I would have given him anything in the world.  I would have given him my life.

         When he saw me that day he stared at me open mouthed.  I was satisfied that I was able to have such an effect on him and I couldn’t help but smile.  Finally I was standing less than a foot in front of him and my smile had grown to a full, open mouthed smile that showed the teeth that I had been whitening since I met him.  When he finally spoke he said, “Vanessa, you look absolutely stunning.  Do you have something special planned for today?”

         “Actually I do Alex,” all of a sudden there was a nervous knot in my stomach, but I was already there so I just said it, “I wanted to tell you that I love you.  Ever since I met you I have loved you.  You are the most amazing, wonderful person I have ever met and I want to spend what I have left of my life with you.”  I felt better after I said it.  I smiled until I looked up and saw the look of utter despair on Alex’s face.

         “Vanessa you can’t love me,” he stated simply.

         “Why not?  What did I do?  Is something wrong with me?  Whatever it is Alex I will change it I swear!” I was furious and incredibly depressed all at the same time.  How could he do this to me?

         “Because, Vanessa, I am dead,” now his face was pointed at the ground.  He refused to look at me.

         “What do you mean you’re dead?  You are standing right in front of me Alex!”

         “Try to touch me Vanessa.”

         It wasn’t until then that I realized that over the entire time we had known each other, we had never once touched.  My heart sank as I reached forward to put a hand on his shoulder.  When it should have made contact, my hand passed right through him.  I could do nothing to stifle the scream that rose in my throat, then I felt a growing sense of urgency.

         “Alex I know a way,” I said, just as plainly as he had told me he was a ghost.

         He looked at me with such a shockingly clear sense of understanding that it almost shocked me.  “Vanessa you can’t.  Do you hear me?  Don’t do it Vanessa!”  He was shouting at me but I was already standing on the rail of the bridge.  “I will see you soon my love,” I said.  Then I fell forward towards the water and when I made contact the world went black.

         When I awoke I knew I was dead because the pain in my back was gone.  When I leaned up into a sitting position and opened my eyes I expected to be in the water where I fell, but instead what I saw was the farthest thing from the shallow creek where I died.  I saw a vast green plane with bright sunlight pouring onto it with an enormous tree growing in the center.  My eyes flew wide open when a figure in a white robe approached me.

         Then I said, “This is definitely not what I bargained for.”



The End