I Know God

“I know God” - A short story
A reunion
__________________________

Joseph parked his car on the curb. He came out of it all bubbly to meet his old school
mates. They had not seen each other for the last four - five years. One of them, who seemed for some strange reason to seem to want to remain a mystery, had searched for them on the net, they chatted for a short while and, on realizing they were all in Jo'burg or a few kilometers away they decided to meet. And maybe make it a custom. They hadn't decided yet. They thought they would see how it went.
To Joseph this whole thing was based on “seeing how it goes”. He had been going through something of a rough patch with his father. Things had soured gradually through his high school years, but his father had quite condescendingly, always told him it was only a stage. This annoyed, Joseph as it , as it annoys all people his age, but in his heart he had hoped, in spite of himself that it was true.
It was not. He saw now. After twenty two years of devotion that his mother had given his father. After all the endless lectures on abiding by the word, as he liked to call it, him and the family friends. No him and his friends, he could dare to commit adultery. And all his friends sitting there being all quite about it, as they did not know what happened, whilst his mother suffered in silence. It was more then he could bear. His not wanting to buy him a motorcycle in his matric when he could well afford it, and he knew how much and how long he had wanted it, seemed, child's play now. A joke. Just one more thing he had done to make him a social outcast. Now he had done it to his mother. He knew what those “ladies” would be saying about her mother behind her back.
It was while worrying about this, that he had decided to take his mind of it, by registering on SAReunion. One of those websites where old pupils put their details and contact information so that others can find them. He saw almost all of the guys that he was about to meet except, Charmaine on the list. He had laughed at it and not given it much attention. But here he was.
And there was Charmaine.
“Hi, Charmaine. Long time no see!”
Charmaine smiled a wide beautiful smile.
“Hi, Joseph. You look good, man. But then you were never a sloppy one were you.” Joseph, ignored that comment. Had it been someone else he would have been annoyed. But it was Charmaine.
“And the rest of you guys, how is it going?” They all got up to welcome him. Charmaine, putting her arms around him, half a second more than she should have, letting go of him just before the other guys thought of looking at each other. He gave Brian a proper handshake. Smiled at Vernucia and put one arm around her shoulder. This kind of confused Vernucia, who was expecting the same kind of treatment as Charmaine. But then just thought, it must have been, Charmaine, and left it at that. At last she gave Christina a nod and said hi.
In spite of themselves the other guys looked at each other. They sat down.
“And so?”, said Charmaine, looking at Joseph. Christina, quickly cut in.
“I heard, you got a nice cushy little flat in Sandringham. Never heard of it before, But I was talking to a friend of mine and she tells me the area is quite nice. A bit expensive though, outside Sandton.”

“Yeah”, replied Joseph. He turned to look at Charmaine.

“And, how is life for our little PA?” Charmaine laughed.

“Ag, so so. A little better than I expected. But there is room for improvement.”

“Ah, she's just being modest”, cut in Brian. “She works for REU, for crying out loud. What could be better than that.”

Christina, who seemed to be coming back from some world in her thoughts, said, suddenly and almost too loud said to Vernucia, “ Vernucia, tell Joseph, what we've just been saying about him, about when we were at school.” Vernucia, who missed nothing, smiled condescendingly to Christina, and answered. “ Ok, just let him settle down first.” Christina picked up her menu with some measure of vehemence and browsed through it.

The conversation proceeded with relative similarity, with Christina feeling ever more annoyed, Joseph showing a greater difference to Charmaine. Brian and Vernucia, being part spectators, part participants, but seeming ever complacent with their role.
In the process it came to light that Vernucia, though not married had finally decided to see some guy. Joseph thought this was curious for a second, but then thought it was inevitable. She was maintaining an archiac tradition and, honestly, how long could she keep it up. He thought of Britney Spears, but felt a little shy for some reason thinking that way about Vernucia. So he began asking her questions about this guy as matter of routine.
“And, what's his name?”, he said.
“Robert”, answered Vernucia.
“Is that all?”, said Joseph.
“What else is there?”, asked Vernucia. Joseph and Charmain looked at each other and smiled.
“What do you mean, is that all. A romantic interest. You. I thought there would be more to tell.”
“Well there isn't much yet. It's not as if it's official. We're just seeing how it goes. You know.”
“Still, come on, what does the guy do?”
“He works in a tattoo palour.”
“Scandalous”, laughed Joseph, and Charmain joined in.
“Hey, no teasing”, said Vernucia, laughing to herself. She realized how ridiculous it must look to the two of them, heck to all of them. The proper Christian girl she had been. She had gained the admiration of some and the disinclination of others as a result of it, but it had kept her going. She felt together throughout school. Certainly more so that the other kids who seemed to consider life some kind of life and death circus. Running around doing all sorts of ridiculous things and taking everything that happened to them as if it were the last thing that would ever happen.
Brian, had been somewhat like her, if not conspicuous in his views. But then they were all more inclined to the church than most of their peers. That's why they were friends she supposed. So ya, they would find this strange.
Christina, seemed to waken suddenly in her interest in the story. “They like their chubby women, those “real” people”, she said. She laughed as if expecting the others to. Joseph caught himself having said : “ And what do you know about it?”
Christina, who was getting a bit tired of being the outsider replied: “ Well, Mike, my boyfriend, works with a lot of them, in his garage.” At this, Charmaine and Joseph who had thrown a quick glance at each other, when Christina said, “working class” people, turned to look at each other and broke into laughter.
Instead, of giving in and walking off, Christina, found new fire in this statement and went on to explain that her boyfriend's family were a good Christian family. His grandfather had been a priest, and one of his brothers, whom he owned the garage with , who did the books for him, was a reverend.
The way the conversation was turning was beginning to upset Brian, who did not like confrontation. So he tried to turn everybody's attention to the menu. Joseph and Charmaine who found this whole thing a bit ridiculous, were glad to do so. Christina, however, would not let up, pointing out, out of the blue, that his boyfriend's brother had inherited the perish from Father Oprier, who was now an ordained bishop.
Joseph met this with nothing but a frown. Charmaine, seemed not to have heard it. Vernucia seemed not in the least bit surprised, and Brian, ever the peacemaker, replied with a suggestion that they served great smoked salmon here, and perhaps they should all order the same in the spirit of unity. Joseph, raised his eyes.
Everyone agreed, even Christina, though it was obvious she was reluctant to do so, mumbling something about raw meat. They ate. Had a couple of beverages, not too many since they were driving. A new date was set for two weeks from today for them to meet again, but to make it more interesting they chose to let Christina chose the restaurant them. She was delighted and said she would call them a.s.a.p to tell them where they would go.
They parted.






A chance meeting
___________________________________


As Brian left he felt uneasy. He was not really sure why, but there was something in Vernucia's voice which spelt disaster. He through he remembered that same sound coming out of her voice the one and only time he ever remembered her parents punishing her. They were about twelve and she had brought home a stray dog. The dog was obviously deseased. Her parents could not afford at that time to take a stray dog to the vet, so they insisted she return it to wherever she found it, or at least phone the SPCA.
She told them she had called the SPCA and they had come and taken the dog. For three days her parents complained about a mysterious barking. Vernucia assured them that it was the neighbors dog and not her own as the SPCA, had taken hers. On the third day the parents had had enough and went to confront the neighbors. They themselves were having a problem with the mysterious bark.
When the story came out, it turned out that Vernucia had hidden the little puppy in the back of the shed and was feeding it her left-overs. Her father was, of course, furious, and she met the belt for the first and last time in her life that she remembers. There was something similar in her demeanor now as there had been that day.
It was, interesting to see his old friends, though all in all, even Christina with her shenanigans. The girl seemed to be more lost in her ways now than she had been when they last met. But at least, she was making it in the world, which is what she seemed always to have wanted. Of, course, with Christina, the truth tended to be a little embellished. Charmaine, too, was doing well. Josh, seemed more worried than he let on, but maybe that was just him, Brian, I mean.
Christina phoned the very next day with the location of the restaurant where they would meet. It was a good choice Brian, thought. He had been there. They served good food, and it wasn't that expensive. So, called the other guys to see what they thought and they all agreed they would meet again in a forth-night.
Brian, thought he would pray for Christina. He had recently had occasion to revisit what he thought must be the source of the old age. It was all in there, Timothy 6:10 , “For money is the root of all evil,...”
It gave him a sense of pride knowing exactly which teaching to could be applied to his old friend. In fact, so much so that he dreamt of it that night. It was a strange dream. He was looking at this chrysalis which he held in hands as if ts life depended on it. He looked at it for a long feeling a sense of power . Then suddenly Chris came along and it vanished.

Brian woke up fresh as a daisy that Saturday. He was supposed to meet his friends the next day. He felt both excitement about it and strange sense of foreboding. He put it out of his mind and went about his errands. Got his hair cut. Took his laundry to the dry cleaners. Took in a movie. Had lunch. Went to consult a lawyer about his lease on his flat.
He was finished round about six o'clock in the evening. As he was walking home, he had decided to leave the car that day , he saw what he thought to be Vernucia, sitting at a bar with two gentlemen. He went in to make sure. It was, indeed Vernucia. The other chap was Joseph. The third member of the company he did not recognize. He went to greet them.

As he approached he noticed that Vernucia seemed a bit uncomfortable. But he did not make much of it. Before he could open his mouth, Vernucia spoke first.
“Hi, Brian. Fancy meeting you here.” She got up. Brian was taken back for half a second. They hugged. Joseph , said : “And me?”
“Don't be a such a baby, Joseph. I was getting to you. How are you?”
“As you can see, in tip top form. Yourself.”
“Great. I suppose we might as well cancel tomorrow's dinner. Since we're all here.” Brian pulled up a chair, and sat down.
“Oh, how rude of me”, said Vernucia, who had been suspiciously silent for a while. “This is, Robert. Robert, this is Brian.”
“Hi, Robert”, said Brian.
“Hi”
“Nice, to meet you.”
“Same here.”
“Vernucia has told me so much about you.”
“All good, I hope.”
“Well, let's put it this way, I wouldn't tell the pope.”
They laughed, an undertone of nervousness in their laughter.
“So, what do you do, Brian?”

As Brian answered, Vernucia looked searchingly at the two of them. He had never seen Robert with any of her own friends, or “decent” people for that matter. She felt a pang of guilt for a second. Then she frowned. Then smiled. Then just looked confused. She knew it must be showing, but the boys were on now about this afternoon's game, so she knew they did not notice. Her mind drifted further into the cause of her confusion.
It had happened , a week ago. She was not a virgin. That had been over and done with a year ago. She had gone to confession about it. It's good for the soul they say, and mostly it is. But it doesn't help with the confusion. A lot of prayer did the last time, but this time it just wasn't enough. She was feeling more and more depressed by the minute. The frustrating thing being, she did not want to stop.
What was it about Robert? She was trying to find some romantic reason for her attachment to him. But she knew she was lying to herself. Robert was nothing special. A semi-good looking guy, with a regular, if dubious job. No university, no sports honors. His ettiqutte leaved much to be desired. All that could be said of him really, is that, he was a nice guy out of an unsavory bunch. It game him “spice”, as she put. And she liked that.
No, it wasn't Robert's personality that kept her drawn to him. It was her own need. Somehow with him , she went from through highs and lows as if it were an everyday thing. The way he took her. It was as if a dam of emotions had collapsed and a violent torrent came through, powerful and untamed and not seeking to excuse itself at all. He liked to come from behind her, spin her with a raw, untamed yet somehow gentle force. It angered her and pleased her at the same time. He didn't care about her little remonstrances. It was as if he felt his power. That look of complete confidence in his eyes disarmed her completely.
For some strange reason she felt compelled to embrace him with her legs, and feel the warmth of her loins against him. He would then carry her as if she weighed nothing and carry her to the couch, the kitchen table, the bedroom, the carpet or wherever the closest place was. He would lay her down, grab her breasts like a wild men grabbing some soft, delicious fruit, savoring it with primitive luster.
She had stopped and restarted wearing shirts, because he had the tendency of ripping them off. It was a bit scary actually. But the adrenalin rush, it was exquisite, especially for a girl like Vernucia, whose experience with adrenalin was limited to jumping a robot every now and then. She felt alive. Full. Her heart beating as if it would burst out of her chest. The blood rushing through her ears. The ears. What did he do with them. Only her knew. But somehow it conjured an image of a freshly plucked fruit squirting exquisite juice to it devourer on the first bite. Only this time it was as thought the fruit were biting itself.
It triggered something in her, justifying and fueling the torrent that was already coming through. With him she was not the same girl everybody knew. She was bold. She was adventurous. She was free. And with him on top of her, behind her, under her, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. There were no rules. No restrictions. No fear of being chided, of disappointing somebody somehow for not doing the right thing. Initially, with her inexperience she had been afraid Robert would think her inadequate. It gnawed at her. She tried hiding it by returning to her old self. She had been courted before and she knew how to keep a guy at arms length. But it was no use. She had wanted him from the first. She took the leap of faith.
Somehow, Robert didn't seem to mind her inexperience. He had a way of ignoring it and redirecting it. His confidence never skipping a beat and somehow infecting her as well. And gradually she had come to let go off her inhibitions more and more.
The thrill lasted for a while. And it was great while it did. She felt rejuvinated and whole. But, in spite of his niceness , she knew Robert did not love her. She couldn't hide it from herself. The more she realized it, the more she felt depressed about, and the more she needed the thrill to lift her spirits, show her the thing that she had been searching for, the thing that being deprived of had caused her so much anger.
Until, yesterday evening. She still could not believe it, but she suggested it. And , of course, Robert, being a man, jumped at the chance. She had asked him what he thought of having a menage trios. The words were hardly out of her mouth, and he had agreed to it, only later asking if she meant with another girl. He would be too butch for anything else.
It hurt her that he agreed so quickly. How prepared he was to share her. But it didn't matter much. She had come to accept that he liked her, but he didn't love her. And since he was the only man to make her feel that good, what the heck. Yesterday, Robert found the other girl. A young little tart, probably nineteen. Some stripper that “a friend of his knew”. The liar. At least she was pretty. She wasn't insulting her with some ugly cow. Heck, the girl must have had the IQ of a door knob. Telling lies about, she's putting herself through university. As if.
And the small talk, she had to sit there and make with the dunce. Silly stories about how some guy she knew was dating this girl or that girl and had a “fallout” about this and that. She could burst, if it wasn't for the thought of complete release. The sense of freedom. A freedom that only a man can have and that a woman can only have through a man. Well, they say happiness shared is doubled. Perhaps. She would see tonight.
Well, after they knocked down a few, they got to it. A bit awkward at first, but they managed. Well, it wasn't what she thought. It was mechanical and lacked feeling. Robert and the little slut seemed to be enjoying it, especially her. She seemed to be in her element. What did she think she was doing there anyway.
She couldn't think of it anymore and turned to Brian.
“So are you too getting along, Brian?”
“Ya, Robert here is telling me all about himself”, said Brian.
“Well, I hope he doesn't bore you with his life story. ”, she said.
Robert looked at her. Took a sip of his drink.
“Robert, likes to be the center of attention.”, she continued. Brian, noticed a certain bitterness in her voice, but did not pay too much attention to it.
“Oh, come on don't be so hard on him!”, interjected Joseph, with a grin on his face.
“Thank you, man”, said Robert, trying to meet Joseph's grin.
“Robert's been telling how much he's into our old friend here, the ever beautiful Vernucia. Tell Brian what you were telling me Robert.”
“Oh, come on man. I can't repeat that man.”
“Ya, tell them Robert. It's not like you to be shy.” Robert, not the brightest tool in the shed caught that one, and looked at Vernucia. There was a frown on his face. He wasn't pleased. Vernucia liked this. Brian, sensed something was amiss. To ease avoid any possible tension, he made mention of Robert's team, which he noted was playing tomorrow. This took Robert's attention. They were off.
Joseph, got up from his chair and sat next to Vernucia's, sandwiching her with Robert. They began talking about life in general, and of course, the subjected turned to love.
“Your views have changed”, said Joseph.
“Ag, man. I couldn't really keep that old tradition anyway”, said Vernucia, forcing a smile. “Anyway, it was my parent's belief. I've always been more relaxed about it.”
“Oh, come on Vernucia. I don't mean to be nasty here, but you were so gr.., controlled that they even gave you a nickname.”
“What did they know. I was busy man. Matric is important. I had tomorrow to look after”, said Vernucia, almost feeling as if she was a teenager again.
“We were all busy. I mean I passed.”
Vernucia laughed. “Joseph, give me a break. It's not as if you were the school stud.”
“I saw my share of action.”
“Where?”
“At school”
“Well, you hid it well.”
“What do you mean. Remembered, Gugu”
“Oh there we go with Gugu again.”
“What about her. She was a pretty girl and she was fine with me.”
“Yeah, right”
“What? You're teasing me.”
“Let's be honest. You went after her only because you wanted to be rebellious. You were tied of being known as prim and proper yourself. And you didn't do a good job of it either.”
“Yes, I did”, said Robert. Laughing at himself. She had got it right on the nose.
“Ok, she was from a different background. I'll grant you that, but did you ever see her not sitting in the front row for mass. Putting on a bit of make up on Saturdays did not really make up for it.”
“Well, you sure outdid me on that one.”
“I thought you like Robert.”
“I do. But let's be honest. He's a bit a rough around the edges, to use an understatement.”
“Lower your voice, he'll here you.”
“Ya, but will he understand”. They both laughed. Vernucia's, mostly because she was angry at Robert. Since last night he just put her in a bad mood, whatever he did. The other two turned to look at them. Brian, said: “Share the joke.”
“A private joke”, said Vernucia. Robert through a suspicious glance at Joseph, and he turned to Brian and they continued their conversation.
“Anyway, I didn't say, I didn't like him, I just said he was a bit rough around the edges.”
“You said, I,and I quote, “outdid” you”
“Ya, I did.”
“What, I mean, is he's from the other side of the track”
“What other side. We went to St Clair's, for goodness sakes. You beginning to sound like Christina.”
“Ya, that's true. Well, anyway, he's not the kind of guy we would have hung out with back in school.”
“Who do you mean. The geeks and the god squad.”
“No one we knew was a “geek””
“Well, they came pretty close”
“You're exaggerating”
“A bit. But we were not the belle of the ball either.”
“And now you're making up for it”.
Anger swelled up in Vernucia's chest. What Joseph said hurt. She wanted to come back with a biting retort, but her thoughts suddenly turned to the events of last night. The frown turned to a sulk. A frown again, and then finally a sulk.
“Are you still there”, said Joseph, forcing a joke. He could sense something must be going wrong with Robert. She had turned too quickly from being jovial to being macabre. In spite of himself this pleased him. When he looked at he like that, thinking it was what he just said that made her that way, he felt a sense of victory over the Christians, the hypocrites.
“Ya, I'm still here.” No retort. He continued.
“I suppose , he must remind you of George. Remember, you had a crush on him. You like them buff hey.”
“Josh, stop it”, said Vernucia who was beginning to have enough.
“What, I'm just making an observation”
“Not a nice one.” The little slut, screaming. Who screams like that anyway?
“What's not nice about it.” She did not answer. Joseph suddenly snapped out of it. He realize he had really hurt her somehow. He felt a little guilty about it. She had seen him though a rough patch or two, as teenagers will have. It wasn't right to pay her back this way. She represented what was good about their little group well enough. Gentle, but strong. He thought of his mother.
Brian, had been watching all along. Something wasn't right with his friend. It was time to leave. So he thought he should call her to the side just to make sure everything was alright.
“Guys, I'm off. Josh, I'll see you tomorrow night. Vernucia, can I talk to you outside for a minute.”
“Okay.”
“Cheers, guys”, he said as he walked out, Vernucia right behind him.




________________________________

When they stepped outside , Brian put his arm on Vernucia's shoulder. It felt awkward. They had never touched in all the time they knew each other. Certainly not as far as they could remember. They looked at each other and smiled. Then they quickly stepped a tad from each other. Brian, said, after a little while :
“Are you okay, Vernucia ?”
Vernucia looked at Brian, for a second and said nothing. She couldn't. Brian continued :
“You seem a little down. How is it going with the boyfriend. Really. “
There was a pause. Vernucia still did not want to say anything, but she was feeling pressured by Brian and did not want to be rude. In any case, she felt the need to talk to someone, even though she did not know what to say.
“Ag, so so. You know.”
“Really” Brian was trying to think of something to say. Vernucia and himself had known each other for a long time, but they had never been close. He was crossing a boundary here. But he felt justified. She hardly knew anyone in Johannesburg, so he had to step in. So with a nervous undertone he said :
“Come on, Vernucia. I'm just trying to help.”
“Who said I needed help.”
“Well, you've been sulking the whole night. That's hardly how someone with a new love is meant to act.”
“And, supposing there is a problem. Where do you fit in.”
“Well, I was thinking ...”
“No, you weren't you were trying to stick your nose where it does not belong.”
“I thought...”
“What did you think ?”
“We're friends we should look after each other.”
“Oh, Brian my hero. What am supposed to do now, put my head on your shoulder and sob? Listen, if I have problems in my love life, you're not the one I'm gonna talk to. ”
There was a pause.
“It's cold. I'm going inside.”
With that Vernucia turned around and went back in. Brian, started on his way back home. He thought it would be difficult and awkward to break the ice, but he didn't expect that. Of course, he was clever enough to realize that the overreaction meant that she really had something to hide. But, she was right in the end, it wasn't really his business, and if she wanted him to help, he would be there. But it was up to her.
Vernucia came in to find Joseph and Robert their hearts out. She wanted to get in on the joke, but she couldn't. She was feeling more depressed then before, and what she had done to Brian was beginning to make her feel a little guilty. She knew him well enough. He was not one to stick his own in other people's business. He just wanted to help. It's just that it hurt so much to talk about it.
She had opened herself up to what she had thought would be a wonderful new experience. She couldn't remember anymore how she had concluded something so stupid. It's just that Robert had opened up such a brand new world for her. She had never known such thrills. And though her conscience told her she wasn't on the right track, she was already no virgin, so what was the harm. She could see now she was wrong.
She felt dirty and empty. Less that a woman. She realized it wasn't going to change. Every time she looked at him, she was going to be upset. So she got up and began to leave. Robert noticed.
“Vernucia, where are you going?”
She didn't answer. She felt no need to. Somehow, that was incredibly liberating.
“She probably forgot to say something to Brian.” Joseph, said.
“Why doesn't she call him on his cell phone? Women..”
They continued their conversation, as Vernucia got out the door. She could almost feel tear swelling up in her eyes. At first she wasn't quite sure where she was going. She just needed some air. Then, out of the blue she remembered an old verse that she had read in bible study while she was still at school:
“The sorrows of hell encompassed me; the snares of death prevented me.
In my distress, I called upon the Lord. And cried to my God: And he did hear my voice out his temple. And my cry entered his ears...He delivered me from my strong enemy.”
It kept going through her mind. Then suddenly she remembered that the day she heard it exactly. Brian was sitting next to her. A pang of guilt hit her. Brian was right. They were friends. He is the only one here who would understand. So her walk changed from arbitrary and gained purpose. She needed to talk to Brian. She wasn't sure where he lived, but it was on 12th street, and that was a couple of streets away. She would call him when she got there. So she walked for what seemed like an eternity.
She didn't need to call him when she got there. As she turned the corner she saw his car from the dinner. She tried the gate. It wasn't locked. She went in. She hoped that he would not be with someone. She knocked on the door. There was no answer. She knocked again. Still no answer. She tried again. Just as she was about to give up, she heard a voice from the inside.
“Coming!”. It was Brian's voice. It was so soothing. She waited in anticipation, sure the whole meeting would have the same effect. Brian came to the door.
“Vernucia”, he said. “What are you doing here.” He knew. She knew he knew. So she walked in past him. He smiled.
“Have a seat”, he said, from behind her. She navigated her way to the big green couch in the middle of the lounge. She stopped. Turned around and said:
“Brian, for goodness sakes. What is this?”
“A couch”, said Brian, laughing. Vernucia couldn't hold herself either and broke into laughter. They laughed like this for a minute. It was good. But it couldn't last.
“I'm sorry about what I said Brian. I was so mean and you were only trying to help.”
“Don't worry about it. “
“It's just...”, she paused. “It's just I did something last night that I never though I would do. And I hate myself for it.”
Brian was quite. He was looking straight into her eyes though, letting her know he was there. He was listening. And looking at them she knew. She felt more at ease. She didn't have to rush it, he would listen.
After a while, she said. “You knew that I was no longer a virgin.” Brian said yes, blushing a little. Vernucia looked at him for a second and continued. “Well, it just took so long. I mean, I'm not trying to make an excuse for it. But it just took so long. So many people around me going on with their lives , having fun, getting serious boyfriend. Some of our old friends from school even beginning to get married, and there I was , forever the proper Christian, waiting for mister right, who would marry me a virgin. I couldn't take it anymore. And when I met Robert, well. He opened me up. Excuse the pun.”, she said, trying to make a joke. Brian didn't laugh. Simply smiled at her knowingly.
“I couldn't get enough of it. The new experience. The adventure. The abandon, after all those years of self-control”, she paused.”Well it went too far.”
All this time, Brian hadn't said a word. He simply looked at her, and never looked away. It was as if she was the only person in the world right then and her problem was the only one he cared about. At that moment she loved him for it, and it kind of made her feel like a spouse admitting to infidelity. But he wasn't her spouse , so she continued.
“We brought another girl in last night”.
Brian, moved back a bit. Even for him this was a bit much. But his friend was trusting him and he was going to be there for her.
“'They who are whole need not a physician, but they who are sick'”, said Brian. Vernucia grinned. For a second she was disappointed. Somehow, she had expected Brian, to say something personal, instead of quoting the bible. But then she remembered what strength the bible had given her before. She looked at him, thinking that, of course, he knew. He was a Christian and had been there with her when they were learning it. She smiled and put her hand on his.
“Jasmine, that's your favorite. Isn't it?”
Vernucia, looked at him. He needed time to take it in. He was still being sweet, so she answered: “Yes”. Rooibos, was actually her favorite tea.
Brian got up and went to the kitchen to make some. It took a while, but Vernucia was patient. It was turning out the way she had suspected. Being here with Brian was somehow soothing. So she let him make his little tea and get time to take it all in. Finally, he returned.
“Remember, when you brought that stray dog home and your parents got angry with you?”
Vernucia, looked at him and smiled. “Brian, what made you remember that?”
“Well,” , said Brian, “I think, that's what you did this time.”
“What? Are calling Robert a stray dog?” She paused for a second. She was asking a question, but somehow, referring to Robert that way felt correct. And, she knew by that feeling she was letting go of him. She had never really thought anything bad of him.
“No, not Robert. This whole adventure of yours.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, there you were a clean, proper girl and for some reason against better judgment you took into yourself something you should not have. The first time it was out of kindness, this time, it was out of temptation. You are still a good clean girl though. You simply took in something you shouldn't have.”
“It's not that simple, Brian”
“Oh, but it is. You feel a little hurt and as if you've lost your way right now, I know, but it's not permanent, not , unless you make it so. You'll find strength within yourself, and God will help you, where you fail.”
She kept quite. It was time for her to let it sink in. They sipped on their tea quietly for a
while and then finally she said : “And you. Will you help me find strength?”
“Yes. I will pray with you. “
“I am not talking about now.”
“What are you talking about then.”
“Well, I mean, ...”
“After today?”
“Yes”
“Well, you can always come to me and we'll pray together.”
“Is that all?”
“What do you mean is that all. We've prayed together before. It's always helped.”
“And that's all we will ever be. Fellow Christians.”
Brian got where she was going with it. He paused for a second. He had never considered her in that light. Well, in passing maybe, but it never seemed as if it would work out, so he just let it be. And now here she was, suggesting it. He didn't have a girlfriend at the moment and he had always liked her, maybe it was worth a try.
“I was thinking, we could our own little dinner club. Just you and me. You know, we don't have to wait to go with the other guys.”
“That's a good idea”, she said.
“So we'll start this coming Saturday”
“Ya, that's fine.”
They sipped on their tea quietly for a minute getting over it and getting cosey. Then they the conversation turned to things in general and it was done. Vernucia went to Robert's flat the next day and told him it was over. He was a bit shocked. He didn't expect it. But he could not bring himself to seeming desperate, so after a while he stopped arguing and accepted it.
And they lived happily ever after....well, they got used to each other. Vernucia, learning to value her religion a bit more, understanding that though it could be frustrating at times, it did protect her from what could be unpleasant “adventure”.