Who Sits Best?

NEW PROMPT:
Your (or your character) have an idea for a new Reality Show you want to pitch to the networks - write the story or poem, and make sure you include the actual idea for the Reality TV show.

“Bud, this is my concept…just hear me out – it’ll be a smash! Here’s a run-through.” Morty sits back in his chair and pitches his idea to the powers-that-be at AAA Television. “Here’s how it goes.” Roll tape:


“Welcome to ‘Who Sits Best?’ the game show to prove how lazy we can be.” Brad Streetroad smiles into the camera, his white teeth shine brighter than white on the monitor. “Tonight we welcome three contestants who want to prove - are you ready, people?”

The audience shouts: “Who Sits Best?”

Graphics roll, downbeat music plays in the background, the camera zooms in on Brad, who smiles and says, “Welcome everyone to ‘Who Sits Best?’ the game show to discover the best sitter in America.”

Applause from the audience.

Brad says, “Let’s meet tonight’s contestants.”

The camera pans out and shows three people sitting on three sofas on stage.

Applause from the audience.

“First,” Brad announces, “we have Brandi from Illinois.” Brandi half-slouches on her sofa.

Applause.

“Brandi, what brings you here to ‘Who Sits Best’?”

“Well, Brad, I’m 42, semi-divorced, and, heheh, thirsty. I’m not much for physical activity – I enjoy potato chips and pizza mostly. Oh, but I do make sure my kids eat a nutritious breakfast each morning – I make them Pop-Tarts.” Brandi takes a sip from an overly large container of soda, “I like to sit when the kids aren’t here to bother me, Brad.”

Brad smiles broadly, while the audience applauds, and continues with, “And who do we have on sofa two?”

A blue-jeans clad portly man announces, “I’m Vernon from mid-Florida, and I sit best!” Vernon’s legs are spread wide and he’s almost horizontal on his sofa.

Applause and one loud whistle...

Brad asks, “What makes you the best sitter?”

“Well, Bart-“

“It’s Brad.”

“Yeah, as I was saying, Bart, I enjoy draining cans of beer and watching crocodile shows on TV. If there are no good critter television shows to watch, I like to sit on my patio to catch bugs…it might sound lame to you, but it’s great fun. I challenge my grandkids to catch more than I can! So far, they can’t.”

Brad looks into the camera after hearing no applause and says, “And on couch number three we have Minerva. Welcome, Minerva, to ‘Who Sits Best?’ What makes you think you’re the best sitter in America?”

Vernon nudges 89-year-old Minerva’s shoulder. No response.

The camera returns to Brad, who announces, “We’ll be right back after these messages.


“Welcome back to-“

The audience shouts, “Who Sits Best?”

“Okay, Brandi, Vernon, and Minerva, here is your first chall – umm, Minerva, are you with us?” Vernon nudges her shoulder again.

Brandi takes another slug of her soda, burps, and says, “Get with it, old woman.”

Boos come from the audience. Brandi fingers the crowd and sneers. Louder boos come from the audience.

Brad says, “Calm down, everyone. Please. This is a game show. No need to get nasty.”

Vernon says, while poking Minerva’s shoulder, “I agree, but I’m doing most of the work here. I can’t be the best sitter if I have to keep Minerva awake – it’s not fair – I can’t nudge and sit at the same time.”

Brandi puts her soda down after another gulp and spits out, “Fight for your rights!” Then she belches, adjusts her exposed bra strap and pulls her dyed-blonde hair off her face.

Brad wipes his brow with a handkerchief. “Whoa, folks, let’s take it easy here. This is just for fun.”

Minerva slumps over farther; Vernon hops up from his sofa, and Brandi stands up and picks up her soda for another gas-infused gulp.

Brad uses his handkerchief to wipe the sweat off his brow. “Please, please, people, this is merely a game show. We’re all here to have fun; let’s remember that.” He looks off stage for assistance. He looks into the camera and says, “We’ll be right back after these messages.”

On stage during the commercial break: Brad attempts to rein in the contestants: Brandi sips and burps; Vernon is riled up; Minerva continues her slope to the side, oblivious to the goings on.

The producer signals back-on-the-air to the participants.

“Welcome back to-“

The audience chimes in with ‘Who Sits Best?’”

Brad smiles and talks into the camera. “It’s been quite a show, but I think it’s obvious who this week’s winner is.”

Drumroll and exciting music in a crescendo manner…

“…and the winner of this week’s episode of-“

The audience shouts, “…Who Sits Best?”

“Minerva!”

Confetti falls on the contestants; Brandi and Vernon stand up and walk off stage. The camera momentarily zooms in on Minerva who has confetti piling up on her head, shoulders and lap, and quickly the shot changes to an advertisement for fish oil and how important it is.

On stage, Brad and crew rush to see what is causing Minerva’s non-reaction to being declared the winner of this week’s episode. She’s elderly, so perhaps she just nodded off, they collectively think.

They determine after a minute, Minerva is non-responsive because she’s dead; she toppled over during the commercial break when Vernon nudged her to wake up…

…but she was the best sitter hands down (the show’s attorneys met in emergency session)...she out-performed her competitors: the brash and vulgar Brandi, and the irritable Vernon. End credits roll and another episode is done.

Brad smiles into the camera and says, “Join us next week on a new edition of-“

The audience shouts, “‘Who Sits Best?”

Brad winks.


Back in the office, Bud turns to Morty and says, “I like it. Too bad the old broad died, but the concept is good. The American public will take to this like they take to the Kardashians! It’s a winner!”

WC=997