B is for Betrayal

         Warmth.
         There weren't many things that Nicolis could remember nowadays--he'd say due to the fact that his mind was in a constant state of frazzled from studying on top of the full-time job that he somehow managed to hold down--but he could always remember warmth. Everything about Julian was warm; his touch as fingertips danced along Nicolis' skin and sent tiny little pulses of electricity flowing straight to his brain, his breath as they whispered sweet nothings to one another and warmest of all was his bed where all these things would take place. Beneath the thick down comforter, that was their own personal sanctuary.
         "I love you,” He would start, before catching himself and correcting the statement, because there was so much more to it than Nicolis simply loving the man. “I'm in love with you..." Nicolis would mumble for the umpteenth time against soft skin, lips leaving a trail of gentle kisses along Julian's neck and up to his perfectly defined jaw. "Completely," each word was laced between a lingering press of lips on skin. Warm, delicious, addicting skin. "Deeply. Madly."
         He could say these things here, under the cover of Julian's blankets and within the 4 walls of his bedroom. This was the one and only place that he could say them. As long as the light of daytime never made itself known, Nicolis could say anything and everything that he wanted.
         Nicolis could say them and Julian would return each and every sentiment, just as sincere as the words had been spoken to him.
But only until then cruel light of day would sneak beneath Julian's blankets and they would have to return to being nothing more than two best friends. Julian would go back to Kendall, his boyfriend, and Nicolis would return to his own. They’d pass each other in the hallways, share an Economics class on Tuesdays and their lives would go on as though their little secret didn’t exist.
         Because in the daylight, it didn’t.
         He had never thought he would grow to hate the sun as much as he did now..
         "I love you, too." Julian muttered his reply sleepily, lithe fingers finding the others chin and tilting his head back up so their lips could meet in a full, slow kiss. One of many that they had shared that night, and likely one of the few that were left before this came to a halting end.
         They'd been up the entire night; all too heated acts finally cooling and frantic touches becoming more relaxed, almost lazy, as they laid tangled up with one another. Skin on skin, because clothes had been long since forgotten about and were discarded somewhere on the floor of Julian’s bedroom. This was just the way they both liked it best. Without having to see the time, Nicolis knew dawn was only right around the corner--birds already chirping outside of the window, the kind of sound the most people enjoyed was one that he found to be one of the worst on earth.
         He breathed in the air that Julian breathed out and for the moment they were closer than they'd ever be, almost one being rather than two separate ones.
         Almost the couple that they both wished they could be.
         Somewhere too far off in the distance, yet too close at the same time, a phone chimed a familiar sound. A sound both of them dreaded at times like this. A sound that meant things were finished until their next meeting--whether that be in a few days or a few weeks.
         They both would hope it wasn't the later.
         "You have to go, Nic." Julian whispered between a few more lingering kisses, wanting this moment to last so much longer than time would ever allow them. "You know he'll be over soon..." It was a cruel reality that neither of them wanted to face.
         “Can’t I just...” Nicolis started, not sure what exactly he was going to ask for. Every morning was the same routine; Kendall would show up at Julian’s apartment, they would go and get breakfast with one another at the Starbucks near campus (Julian liked his Americanos iced, a few splashes of milk and just a dash of sugar. Nicolis had it memorized.) before actually going their separate ways for class. They didn’t have time to see each other as much as they wanted to, so Kendall felt these little morning meetings to be important..
         Nicolis found them to be an annoyance.
         “I just want to stay here... with you...” He admitted finally, knowing full well that it could never happen like that, but that didn’t stop him from wishing for it. It didn’t stop him from clinging to Julian’s body, or whispering how the other was all his whenever their time together would venture into the more intimate. Sometimes he wondered if Kendall whispered those very same things to him and just the thought made him sick to his stomach.
         “I know...” Julian whispered, their lips continuing to meet in those all too familiar, slow kisses. The meeting of lips and tongue such a perfect combination that they both knew was far too easy to get caught up in. “You can see me....” He paused, mentally going over his schedule in hopes that he could find some time where he could have Nicolis all to himself again.
         “Don’t make me promises, Jul...” He cut the older man off quickly, one hand cupping his face as they continued their kiss for only a few moments longer, hoping that it would somehow ease the dull ache he was already starting to feel in his chest. It seemed it was only a temporary fix, though, because the moment that Nicolis pulled away to speak again, that familiar pain was back. “We’ll see each other soon.”
         He only managed to give the other one more lingering kiss before he was rolling out of the bed and searching the floor for where his clothes had ended up, every few moments giving a quick glance back toward Julian as he dressed himself.
         Of all the moments that they spent together, these were the worst ones. Nicolis usually tried to get himself dressed and out of the apartment while Julian was still sleeping--mostly because he knew that he’d only try to find a way to crawl back into bed with the man if they were both awake. They were both so weak with it came to one another, all Julian would have to do was say a few simple words and Nicolis would toss away everything; the classes that he had to get to that day, the boyfriend that he was sure was waiting for him, the shifts that he knew he couldn’t possibly miss and risk losing his only source of income.
         “I love you, Nicolis.” Julian muttered softly as he watched the man get dressed, eyelids heavy and bordering right on the edge of sleep.
         “I love you too.” Nicolis replied, moving back over to the bed to give Julian one final kiss once he was completely dressed. “Go to sleep.”
         There wasn’t another word as he left the apartment, just the heavy feeling that seemed to always accompany him whenever he had to leave Julian’s side.
         Outside, dawn was breaking; clouds were hovering low in the sky and the air was thick with the smell of the oncoming storm
         Outside it was cold. He missed the warmth.