Long 24 Hours

We sat and talked for so long neither one of us noticed the sun coming up. The conversation was about nothing in particular, we just kept talking though. Then, out of the blue, she asked the one question I was hoping not to hear. “So, is there a reason you’ve never tried to kiss me?”

I sat back in my chair and looked around. The couch was glistening from the early morning’s sun peeping in between the curtains, the reflection hitting the lakeshore painting made the water seem real. One could almost hear the water. The silence quickly became deafening. I saw her sitting in the nearby Lazy-boy chair watching me expectantly. So, slowly I got up and walked over towards her, her eyes began to water because she knew what was next. I leaned down to take my keys off the corner table next to her, turned to her and said, “I’ll call you tonight.”

She did not get up, nor did she turn around. I let myself out the front door making sure to turn the lock on the doorknob before I closed the door. I stood up straight, walked across the wooden porch, down the 3 creaking steps to the walkway and started walking to my car at the end of the driveway. The walk seemed like it took forever because I parked near the entrance of the ½ acre lot. Her house was smack in the middle of the lot. I thought it would be nice to take the walk when I brought her home last night not realizing that going back to the car alone would be very unsettling.

Why did she have to ask? Why can’t we just be the friends we have been so far? I just want a friend, I thought we were – she obviously thought differently. Ugh!!!! I could have sworn that I had finally broken the barrier with her. That she wasn’t hanging out with me for a relationship. I don’t like hanging with the guys, they either want to talk about their latest escapade or some business related conquest. It’s all about showing who does more or whose is bigger. After the first ½ hour this kind of conversation gets boring. She gave me the substance I was looking for, a person that you can just talk with.

When I finally get back to my car I get in slowly, sit down with my hands on the wheel, it is then that I finally look up. I see the curtains close – damn. She was watching, she probably wanted me to come back or at least look over my shoulder. Why am I so dumb, why can’t I read the signs? I never thought I was looking for something so unreachable, a friend. The kind you can share the stupid stuff with without anyone caring. The kind who will call with a funny joke at 2am and then turn around and answer the call when you need them. Sure my buddies would come if I truly needed them, at least I think they would, but I’d probably have to buy a round as a thank you. Plus, five years later they would still be reminding me about what they did for me.

Back in the day my reputation was such that any girl I was with was expecting me to not only make the first move but several after that as well. Only, when I didn’t give it to them they became disappointed and it was these girls that decided to spread rumors about what took place between us. So, not to be outdone, each girl’s rumor told more and more. The guys began to think I “made it” with half the girls in school. No one believed me when I said nothing happened. Especially the guys, they went after any and all of the girls who said they had been with me in some fashion. The girls got the attention they wanted and so did the guys, I suppose. At least I assumed this is what happened – no one spoke of it, they only spoke of me.

We are over 10 years past high school, plus I don’t even live in the same town. So can someone please explain to me why my reputation is still out there? And HOW!!

On my way home I stop to get breakfast at the diner called “Happy’s”. Happy is a vet, served overseas for 2 tours of duty, says it’s where he learned how to cook. He can also shoot an ant off an apple, so I like to stay on his good side. Happy’s place looks like it was cut straight out of a 1950’s television show – complete with white counters and red cushioned bar stools with a chrome stand to sit on. He’s even got an ice cream soda machine on the counter. He bought it in an auction when some other diner was going out of business.

Walking in, I see Flo, the waitress. Not her real name, just what Happy calls her. I sit in my regular spot next to a truck driver and the nurses who just got off doing the graveyard shift. I ask Flo to give me a cheer-me-up breakfast. First she brings me the freshly squeezed orange juice, then the slapjacks with enough butter to clog all our arteries. To top it off Flo hands me a big bowl of berries with whip cream (home made of course). I leave her a big tip and head for home to shower and nap before work.

~~~

He left, just like that. Every other girl he has been with has said how well he treated them. No one has ever been afraid to kiss and tell either. His reputation follows him around. Once a Casanova, always a Casanova. I’ve been patient, talked to him till I’m blue in the face, walked through countless parks holding his hand or just sitting there in silence watching the ducks on the pond. Not once has he even tried to make a pass at me. Never! A couple of my friends think he is not “into” me and I should just dump him. Others tell me he is the best friend I’ve ever had and want to know if there is more of him around. ‘Don’t rock the boat’ they tell me. Clearly, I don’t listen well. Besides, since when do I start listening to the rumors at the water cooler? Ugh!!!! I’m such an idiot.

I watch him leave, couldn’t get off my chair. When he bent down to get his keys his hand brushed against my leg accidently. The most disturbing part of that was that I felt no stirrings because of it. He spoke to me but all I heard was his breath. He just sauntered down the lane didn’t look back once, or up for that matter. I could see he was deep in thought by how he was carrying himself. What on earth could he be thinking about? It’s not like we had any deep discussions. It must have been me. Ha, probably not. His mind is always going; he has so much to say. Hence the reason we could talk all night…….again.

I know I’m not the biggest beauty out there but I’m no slouch either. The last guy interested in me told me, in an alcohol induced stupor, that my best feature is that I’m willing to share….share my body that is. Needless to say, he was surprised when I broke up with him the morning after. And who was there to pick up the pieces? This man, the one walking down the driveway right now, the one who is getting into his car as if he has the weight of the world on his shoulders, I should stop watching him, however, I have to tell myself to close the curtains, it does not come easily. His eyes are watching me now as he contemplates his next move. OK, I’ve shut the curtains, you can go now.

This is different though, we never talked about being an official ‘couple’. We just talk. Talk, talk, talk and talks some more. Sometimes we talk over a meal or even drinks, although that is less frequent for he really does not enjoy drinking. I’ve asked him questions before, trying to define what we have. I’ve never received an answer. So, why do I stay with him?

Oh my god!!!! It’s me, I just said it! I feel like I’m ‘with him’. I don’t go out any more. I wait for him. Ok, nooooooooooooo more. I’m going out with the girls tonight and if someone asks me for my number, I’m giving it out. There is no ‘us’, it was always me – I just imposed a situation where one was not.

How I’d love to talk to my sister Mary right about now, she is the one who has always been saying what a good friend he is. She always is telling me that everyone needs a couple really strong friends who don’t want anything from you.

I think it was his eyes, as I watched him sitting by the sofa, his mind whirling around on god knows what. The sun shining in just to the left of his face which made those deep blue eyes sparkle more than humanly allowed. Friend or no friend it was at that moment that I wanted to jump up and give him just the tenderest of kisses, so instead I opened my mouth and asked why he never kissed me. Only because it was the first time I was thinking of it so I wondered if he had ever thought about it as well.

He truly is my best friend, the only one I’ve ever had. I don’t think I could do any of these things with any of my girl friends. I have to drag myself into the shower, standing here in contemplation is not helping anyone. Now, where is my robe? Oh yeah, I left it in the bathroom yesterday, so I grab my stuff and head on in for a nice hot, steamy, clear your head of all thoughts kind of shower.

Ahh, now that was worth it. I pick out a nice casual outfit for work today, no clients to meet, just drawings to finish. In the process of looking for a shirt I find the t-shirt he gave me for my ½ birthday last week. From far away it looks like scribble on the shirt, then when you get close you see that it says, ‘don’t drink and draw’. It just so happened that he gave it to me after a night out with the girls where I had one too many and turned in an awful drawing at work – so bad that the client asked for another artist to correct it. Ugh! But I love it and wear it a lot when I’m drawing at home. Not today though, I have to make an appearance in my cubicle at the office.

Ok, here’s a nice outfit, simple black pencil skirt and a nice crisp, yellow button down shirt. I grab my shoes and head downstairs. Turn off some lights, clean up our glasses from the night before, grab my purse off the hook and my phone off the corner table. This is where it all went down just a couple hours ago. I don’t want to wait until tonight, I know where I stand I want to call him now – things are very clear to me now. Let me make it clear to him as well.

~~~

Now who’s calling? I just want to nap before going to work. My head is still reeling over the events of the early dawn. I don’t want to lose my best friend. Damn, where’d I drop my phone when I came in? Ah, hello, helloo… missed it. Couldn’t have been important, there it goes again I hope it’s not my client. Hello?

“Hey, is this my best friend in the whole world?”

“Ummm, I hope so…. What’s doing?” what a dumb question. You know what’s doing stupid – you just left there a couple hours ago. Do I always have to be so dumb?

“Listen, I want to make things very clear about what happened earlier today. At the moment I asked the question, I was looking at you and you were just looking, well…..delicious. There is no other word for it. Sorry for being so blunt, but you did. I’m sure it had everything to do with the late hour (or early depending on how you see it) the sun and that smirk you had on your face. Even by doing nothing you have the capacity to be doing a lot. One day you will make someone a great husband, I only hope that I will still be the one you choose to be your best man – ok best friend?

Hello?

You still there? The silence is killing me can you please answer me?”

“Why does everyone assume….I just want to escape… you listened…always. I just…”I had to hang up. Don’t know why, she was honest, straightforward and sincere that she is not looking for more than a friend. But if she saw it once, why wouldn’t it happen again? Going to nap, sleep off this feeling of wanting to not be me, not be here in this situation. I have one client at 2 which gives me a good couple hours to sleep. I’ll call her back later, maybe.

~~~

Wow, I thought I did the right thing but as usual my open mouth made things worse….again. Why is Mary out of town?! Damn it I need a sister right about now! The only other person I would call in a crises like this just hung up on me. Mary!!!!! I look at my watch, she is not even up right now, stupid time zone differences.

Breathe, breathe, inhale…..exhale…count to 10………….. Ok reality check; let’s rewind and review. Talked all night with great guy ---first mistake, great friend. Then at dawn of day while this great gu… friend was basking in the early dawn’s light, I opened my mouth and asked why he wouldn’t kiss me. Then he left, period.

Phase two, I thought about what it all meant, took a shower, re-organized my thoughts, came to a conclusion, and acted upon it. Without calling Mary first!!!! At some point in my 30 years you’d think that I would learn how to make a decision without the help of my big sister. Apparently, I’m not qualified to do this. Now, do I really think Mary would have told me something different to do?

This is not working for me, I must leave the house. I have to show up at work. Ok, let’s go, why aren’t my feet moving?

~~~

I sit up for the umpteenth time during a very fitful nap. I’ve got to pull it together, this is a big client. The thing that’s bugging me the most is why anyone even knows anything about my past. There is no reason for her to ask that question unless someone said something to her. But who? There is no other way for it to follow me here. Who is here that would know anything? Besides it’s over 10 years since I left my hometown. After graduation I’ve never looked back. Sure I went home for holidays but after my folks’ accident I’ve never been back, no one to see anymore. I sold their house and cars, paid for my education with it and made something of myself. Mr. Packs always said he’d have my back if I needed it but I’ve never needed to call him on it. We keep in touch via e-mail and the occasional phone call. He sent me an e-mail when I graduated college and he sent me my briefcase when I landed my first job. His faith in me has helped me through a few rough patches, however, this is not a person who would ever speak of my past. It’s too painful for him too. We never talk about her. So therefore, I can totally rule him out as someone who would speak of my past to anyone.

Mr. Packs and I have a special relationship, not fatherly but not friend-like either, somewhere in between. The last time I actually saw him was when I received my masters, he and his family surprised me at graduation. I wasn’t even going to go but his wife encouraged me to show up – said it was a tremendous accomplishment and my folks would have been proud to see.

That was 5 years ago, they haven’t been here since nor I to them. We find it best to keep our communications electronic. It was my first boss and Mr. Packs’ recommendations that helped me to land this particular job though. Both men were very proud of me when I called to say I got it. Again, it would be neither of them.

I have been in this county since then and I have yet to meet up with anyone I’ve known from the past. At least not that I recognize. Maybe that’s it! I don’t recognize them so therefore they have to start the rumors all over again. Ugh!! High school is over people, grow up! Ok, I have to make some inquiries and I know just the person to ask. My buddy the mailroom manager, she knows everything about anyone. At least it’s a place to start. Then I’ll do some background checking of my own. I have access to personnel files and I can easily see where people are from. Yeah, that will help me.

In the meantime, I have a 2 o’clock to meet. This could be a ½ million dollar account for us. Score!! Pull it together man – I’ll stop by Happy’s again and ask Flo for one of her famous milkshakes – sugar energy always helps put me in a good take charge kind of mood.

~~~

I’m stifled, I want to go to work but I’ve been standing on this porch for nearly ½ an hour now just looking down the driveway. It’s a good thing I make my own hours. I have projects to finish. Keeping my mind busy would be a good idea. Ok, shake this off, let’s just go in and get to work. Move your feet already!!! Good, yelling at yourself solves many problems. Ugh!! I have to call Mary, who cares about time zones, I have to speak to her or I can’t… No!

I’m going to handle this one like an adult. One foot in front of the other, get to the car. Alright, now let’s find some good music, check-put car in reverse, check – head on thinking of project number one, almost. Good enough, let’s get on with our day.

Maybe I’ll stop by the coffeehouse and get a little milkshake – that always helps me. Chocolate truffle here I come. Feeling better already. Hey, I wonder how his 2 o’clock will go. I know he had some stuff to still prepare this morning, I hope he got it done. This is a big account and if he can secure this he has also secured his job for a long time. He told me last night that no one thus far has brought in an account of this magnitude. You know what? I’ll send me one of my famous good luck e-mails. I just hope he wants to see it.

The more I think about it the more I realize Mary is right (as usual), I don’t want this to change. I want him to be my best friend. That kiss would have been awkward and left us both feeling stupid. At this point I just want to know that things are ok with us, that I do value our friendship and hope that we can smooth this wrinkle in our friendship.

Why on earth would I listen to the water cooler rumor mill? I never gave it much credence before. Let’s see if I can trust my memory – who did I hear it from that he was a real player back in high school? Hmmmm? It was over by the water cooler, another place I never go, the girl with red hair. Yes, definitely the girl with red hair, who can forget her? That red was soooooooo store bought. Mary would have had a field day with that one.

There is a real reason I never leave my cubicle. I like being confined to my own space, not having to interact with everyone all day long. E-mail is good for me I have my drawings in front of me, my phone right next to me and an exit right outside my cubicle entrance. No one ever has to really know I’m there. So why was I by the water cooler? Now I remember, I was under strict instructions to get to know my fellow artists from my boss – says I can learn a lot from them. Only the one thing I learned from them almost cost me my best friend. No, I’m ok being in my cubicle all day. I’m going to have to tell him later. I’ll wait until after work. By then he should be finished with his meeting and the mountain of paperwork it requires afterwards.

At this rate I will stop in 5 minutes for my shake, get to work about 2:30 and finish by 9 the latest. This will give me just enough time to meet up with the girls at the tavern downtown. All is good with my world now.

Let’s hope it stays this way.

Never did like the color red, hope that sulfur gets into her brains.

~~~

When I walk into Happy’s the first person I see is not Flo. I see my client. He is sitting by himself with a mound of papers to the left of him and one of Flos famous mushroom burgers to his right. Complete with fries and berries and cream on the side. It’s an hour before our meeting is scheduled so I quietly go over to Flo and order my shake. As I glance over to my client Flo asks me who he is. Says he has been working on papers almost the whole time since I left this morning.

I couldn’t tell if that was good or bad but I decided to risk it. Milkshake in hand I meandered over to the booth. “Mr. Brown? Had I known you would be here I would have set up our meeting here instead.” The tired man looked up with a sigh. I was not sure how to take this – was I out of line? Is this none of my business? Great – now how do I get out of this? I waited for what seemed like 5 minutes, but I’m sure it was seconds.

“Won’t you sit down and join me young man.” What a relief. I slid into the booth and put my shake down on the same side as his food. I didn’t want to mess with his papers.

“If you don’t mind me asking sir, what are you working so hard on?” He looked up, almost relieved that someone bothered to care, gathered his papers into a pile and pulled over his food to eat. With a large bite of his sandwich, he began.

“You are not my only meeting today, but if you’d like me to free up your afternoon I will tell you right now that I have the papers and will sign them as soon as my hands aren’t greasy. That’s first. Now, why am I here since god knows when this morning? I have a board meeting tonight – do you know what that means? It means all the investors will be there too and I have to show them how much they will be earning this quarter. Only, my financials guy quit on me last night, said there was too much pressure and too many different monies to work with. Tells me he is an old fashion kind of guy who needs to only work with what comes in and what goes out. All these sideways numbers as he called them are too hard to understand. Can you believe that? The guy knew full well this meeting was coming since last week, drops off all the stuff on my desk at 11pm last night before he left. Good thing I was still working.

Then, I had my computer guys come right up and check his computer and everything else about him before he left to make sure this wasn’t some embezzlement scheme that he was afraid would be uncovered. I had him so scared he was pacing like a mouse caught between 2 cats. The tech guys caught 2 glitches in his numbers. Then they plugged into his personal account and anything else they could find – before they announced anything to me the cops were already there.

Thankfully, he was too stupid to cover himself well and all monies were transferred back immediately. However, now we had to re-do all the previous paperwork to make it accurate for tonight’s meeting. Why is it that the seemingly quiet ones are the ones who will screw you the fastest? He was shocked that I caught on so quickly. Thinks someone of my age would never have picked this up. We then called his previous employer to inform him to investigate their financials.

So, as you can see, I’ve been a bit inundated. I don’t trust the whole group. As a matter of fact my tech guys are working still – they are in the office attacking everyone else’s computers and information to make sure there were no other employees involved.

I was never a numbers man so this is back breaking for me.”

As he was talking all I could think about was he was right – there is a glitch – someone must have told her – and I’ll bet it’s not in my place of work – they don’t know her. It’s right under her nose and she may not even realize it. I owe her a call. We can fix this, we have to fix this. In the meantime, the man who said he will sign a ½ million dollar account with me needs my help. I should offer.

“Sir, I’ll make you a deal, if you wouldn’t mind pulling out my paperwork and signing it here and now. I will give you the benefit of my numbers expertise and go through your papers while you finish your lunch. I may have a Masters in communication/marketing but without an accounting background I would never have been able to come up with the proposal I have given you. It will be my pleasure sir to help you out. What do you say?” I know, I know, it was real ballsy of me to say but I felt I was really in my element. What better way to solidify a permanent client than saving his butt? I just hope he doesn’t think I’m another cocky young man like the one he just had arrested.

The look in his eye was unsure. Then very slowly, like the anticipation of the ketchup coming out of a clogged bottle, did the sides of his mouth curve upwards. “Since we were supposed to meet in an hour anyway, I will take you up on your offer. You have until our meeting was scheduled to end. If you pull this off, I just may offer you a job myself. Let me find your papers. Ah, here it is, appropriately named too – ‘The Friendship Project’. There you go son, signed. Here is your copy and now here is my mountain. I dare you to make it into a molehill.” He said with a grin.

“Enjoy your lunch sir. If I have any questions I will be sure to ask. Oh, and thank you for your business, I’m sure this is the beginning of a great friendship.” Holy Moses!!!! I have a ½ million dollar account sitting on my lap and I have to now go through this pile of garbage and find how to pull it together in some orderly fashion without screaming. I want to call her and tell her that I have the account. There is no other friend who knows what I went through to get to this point. My heart is racing my hands are moving a mile a minute at each page. Glancing at the titles on the pages helps me to put them in chronological order. Some are marked and some are easily identifiable, however, I keep touching my lap to make sure the contract is still there.

After the first ½ hour he is finished with his lunch and he sees that I have not stopped moving. I had asked him to move to a table to eat so I can use the whole booth. I told him Flo wouldn’t mind because she knows me well and it’s a slow time for them. Life picks up at Happy’s between 4 and 7am and then again from 6 till midnight. Happy has 3 chefs working 8 hour shifts, and Flo is here from 3am until 5pm. I found out it’s not because she needs the job. She just plain likes it.

When he finishes his lunch, I notice he clears the table himself because he was sorry he took up so much space. On that note Flo gave him one of her big signature kisses on the cheek and brought us both a free refill on our milkshakes. Who needs coffee when you have one of these? There is probably a lethal amount of sugar in it and let’s not forget that load of artery clogging fat.

When he slides into the booth he notices right off the bat that the papers are now in some kind of order. Not at all the way he had put them. He had receivables with payables and taxable with tax free. Now that we have our papers in order it was easy to talk him through all that he had and to show him exactly what his earnings were. By the time we were done it was only 2:45. We had everything neatly put away and his spreadsheets were created on his laptop which can easily be transferred to his computer at work. There they will make nice neat colorful copies for everyone on the board. To top it off he now has a good hour and half that he had allocated to me that is not being taken up. I think he will use it to nap.

As he stands up, he shakes my hand and says, “I owe you one my friend.” To which I responded, with contract in hand, “I believe we are even”. One very happy client walked out the door of Happy’s. I watched as his car pulled away. Flo said to me, “You are one smart cookie. Maybe you can help Happy too – I’m not sure he understands the numbers of his own business.”

“Flo, my dear friend – tell Happy I’d love to”. I am on cloud 9 ten times over. I don’t know what to do with myself. The first thing I have to do is get these papers to my boss. Oh, my god he is going to flip!!!! When we are done celebrating, which could be never, I will call and tell her. No, I will go over to her office and tell her. She has to know this, we have to scream together.

As I get in my car my heart is racing. This has been one hell of a day and its only 3:00. I still have a couple hours of work to do in the office. Good thing the diner is so close to work, I don’t think I could have driven very far. When I pull into the parking lot at work, I don’t see my boss’s car. I call him first to see where he is.

Car’s in the shop his wife dropped him off this morning. I tell him not to move that I’m coming up! I jumped the turnstile and darted for the stairs – contract in hand. I took the stairs 2 or 3 at a time and got to the third floor in seconds flat. Blasted through the doors of our wing and jumped a couple desks to take the shortcut to his office. As I got to his door, I finally took a breath. I walked in but I don’t think my feet were touching the floor as I placed the signed contract on his desk. It was not until I turned to sit down that I saw he was in a meeting with someone.

“I’m terribly sorry, how unprofessional of me. I was excited to turn in a signed contract and forgot about my manners. Please forgive me.” The man sitting in the chair started to laugh. My boss started to laugh even harder. He stood up from his chair and put out his hand, “I’m not a client, I’m just his brother – came by unexpectedly to say hi. No harm done, but nice recovery. I can see why my brother values you at this company. I wish I had one of you – do you have a twin – or a clone?” Ah, same annoying humor as the boss, yep they are brothers.

Then we heard a shrill like you never would have heard from a man. Both of us spun around like a top on steroids and looked towards my boss. He was holding the contract’s last page. “Did you read this? I mean did you really read this? He did not just sign on for a ½ million! He said that if the first quarter shows that they are gaining what we promised he will sign a 3 year deal!!!!” I had to sit down. 3 years?! The ½ million was only for a 10 month trial period. I could not move. I was so stunned. Was our product that good? Can we really pull this off? If so, we will have many other clients banging on our door. No more cold calling – they will find us. I looked up and in my mind I said, ‘Thank you dad for the inspiration.’

For the first time in years, I missed him. It was my dad’s idea. He had talked about doing this when I was a kid, but he never got a chance. When I was going through the papers from his home office, I found this idea. I just couldn’t put it to work until I came to this company. Dad’s idea was a good one – not a well thought out one at that time yet but he would have gotten there. I know he would have. I have to call Mr. Packs. Yes, that is what I will do now. I dismissed myself from the boss and he said, “Hold on boy, don’t you want a drink to celebrate?”

“No sir, I celebrated with a milkshake already. I don’t touch alcohol.”

“Sorry, I forgot.”

“No worries. Bask in the glory for awhile that alone is a high.” With that I left the office. When I first came to this place my boss asked everyone around the table to say one thing about themselves that is personal but not too personal. At the time the only thing I could think to say – considering the amount of alcohol being consumed in the room was that my folks were killed by a drunk driver who left an office meeting just like this one. That put a damper on the party, but he was the one who asked. After that, all office parties became non-alcoholic – at least any that were on the office grounds. Who knows what they do after work. I do hope he goes home and celebrates with his wife though – she is a great woman.

My office is nothing special – a small corner in a room of great spaces – I took the smallest room with the smallest window – I like it that way. This way no one feels compelled to hang out there – it’s not comfortable for more than one. I like my own space when I’m working. So does she. Hey, here’s an e-mail from her – I smile as I read the subject line ‘another day at work’. As I look up Mr. Packs’ number I read her e-mail:

Mornings are rough, I know

afternoons can be worse 'cause morning's in tow,

don’t worry, evenings will come and you get to let go.

sometimes with a vengeance,

you still can't kill it

without any penitence.



A day or two where life is crazy,

makes you long for moments that are lazy,

though quiet is what you long to see,

sometimes all you need is a moment "to me".





A smile goes a long, long way,

to mend a troubled head,

but what is even better

is 12 hours in your bed.



When things around you go array,

never reach for what you think you had,

remember the friends who did not stray,

the ones in your heart, it’ll make you glad.



While thinking of them a smile will appear,

smiling chases away all the fear

the dread and the busy frustration,

and leaves you with a soothing contemplation.



So smile today at least once or twice,

and see if it helps everything seem nice,

if even for a moment is all that it works,

now you know that friendship really has good perks

HAVE A GREAT DAY !



She has no idea – but then again maybe she does. I am smiling my friend, I really am for many reasons and you are one of them. I write back a simple one line:

You have no idea what a day I’ve had – it’s been a 2 milkshake day already. We need to talk. I hope you can squeeze me in instead of going to the tavern tonight. I’ll come by around 7ish – I’m assuming you will still be there. 

Found the number, “Hello Mr. Packs? You will never guess what happened today…….



~~~

All I can think about is what to say to him. I can’t say anything about being friends, or anything about last night but I can wish him well on his meeting. I sit down and the words came pouring out of me. I never did get in touch with Mary, so I’m going this alone. Now that I’ve had time to think, I think I can pull this off in a mature fashion.

Wow, not bad. Ok, click send and let’s hope for the best. Alright, I’ve been at my desk for a long time, now I have to go mingle again. Yech, with a capital Y. As I mosey around the office floor, I see her, the redheaded gossip columnist. So, how does one corner another person without them knowing they are being cornered? Who knows, and who really cares at this point I feel that I am on the defensive and not the offensive. I want to know information and I want the rumors to be stopped so that gives me the authority to go right over and ask her straight out.

Doesn’t it? Mary, talk to me. Give me some guidance. Call me or something! Ok, that was creepy, now my phone is really ringing. “Mary?”

“Hey baby girl – I had a horrible night’s sleep and I just know it’s because of you so take yourself outside and spill your guts because I have a big day today and can’t go on until all is well with the world again.” I laughed, I laughed so hard it made her laugh too. But I did as I was told, I walked outside so that I was not in earshot of anyone – especially redhead. We went over everything and I even repeated what I wrote in the e-mail. “Bravo, baby girl, I guess turning 30 has helped you grow up a bit. But you see, you were calling me – I knew it I felt it. I always do. Momma told me that I would take over her job after she died and I guess I always have. So are you going to let him come by?”

I thought about what she said, I don’t have to let him. I want him to. I was so glad that this was well received that I don’t even care that I can’t go out with the girls tonight. “So, Mary, was I wrong in asking him in the first place?”

“Probably not, we all get caught up in things. I’m worried that he couldn’t answer you. It must be a painful thing that is preventing this. I’m coming your way in 3 days, can I crash by you? I want to meet this best friend again – I want him to be our best friend. Do you think that will be cool with him?”

“I can’t imagine why not – he knows all about you. But I won’t make plans for him. Who knows maybe one day something will be between us and maybe never. All I know is right now I have figured out that I don’t want to be without him. How is Gary? Are you two still getting married in 2 months?”

There was a long pause, too long – “That’s why I need to crash by you. Seems he found his own redhead. So that makes 2 of us who hate redheads – especially bottled ones. He just said it so abruptly though – Came back to his place after work and he asked if I can move out all the stuff from me in 3 days because he has someone else he has fallen in love with. Said, I can keep the ring, it wasn’t expensive anyway. Can you believe that?! Just as simply as saying honey take out the trash.”

Mary was hurting badly because she never comes to me. My place is really big so she knows she can be there without being in my way. “Why don’t you move back here Mary, your friends are here and you can probably get your old job back with one phone call. Mack loved you – in more ways than one I know but he would still never hold it against you. Pleeeeeeease Mary, bring all your stuff, the house is too big for just me. I want you here, I want you in my life every day again. We are all we have.”

“How’s dad?”

“I went to visit him last week – he doesn’t know who we are Mary, he is just a shell of a man who lives in a group home with a lot of other people. I visit for myself not for him.”

“We will see, I may not know until the last minute so if you see a moving truck in front of your house at 2am don’t be surprised. I love you baby girl.”

“I love you too, big sis”. With that we hung up and I went back up to deal with my redheaded home wrecker.

Sometimes life just comes at you easily – as soon as I was walking towards my office/cubicle, I see she was coming out of it. “Excuse me? Why on earth would you be in my office if I’m not there? You have a lot of nerve. I don’t know you, don’t work on the same projects as you, and on top of that I am a senior artist and you have only been here a month. So I’ll give you about 10 seconds to start explaining yourself.” Wow! Did that come out of me?

“I have no real explanation” she said coldly. She even had the nerve to cross her arms over her chest.

“What’s in your pocket? Don’t look at me smugly, you just had a piece of paper in your hand that you dropped into your pocket. Just because I’m quiet doesn’t make me stupid. You have 2 choices; 1 – you hand it over or 2 – I call security, which I just might do anyway and make sure you didn’t touch anything else in my office.” As she stands there looking stunned, I noticed that 3 other people in the office were watching me. Normally this would have given me cause to shrink into oblivion but today I was not shrinking anymore, I was breaking barriers!!

Slowly, as if she had the secret to Fort Knox in her pocket she gave me a piece of paper. It had my friend’s phone number, address and e-mail on it. The only way she could have gotten this was to get into my computer – the one I have password protected. I turned to those around me and I said, “you had better call security – we have a computer hacker amongst us, check to see if any of your files are gone or if any have been viewed.”

“You don’t understand” she begins to plea with me.

“I don’t care” I told her quite sternly, surprising myself again. This superwomen power has come upon me like a tidal wave, not sure how long I can keep it up so I sure hope this blows over soon.

“I know him, I’ve seen him here with you before and I know him. Better than you probably ever will.” She says this to me with a smirk like she had gotten the better of me. Now I see her slowly cross her arms across her chest again as if she is challenging me on the subject.

I stare at her for awhile and out of the corner of my eye I see the security guy coming our way. With this heightened sense of self I simply turn to everyone around the room and ask, “How many of you know him?” I knew the answer, they all did – he has lived here longer than me, everyone knows him, the whole county knows him. There is not one business that involves art or sales that he is not involved in. So, one by one, as the girls smile at me and actually come and stand behind me they raise their hands, so do the men. By this time half the office staff was there including the security guard.

“You need help miss?” he asks me

“Yes, I need security tech to check my computer to find out what else she has stolen from my computer along with the rest of my office. Who knows if she chose to take a piece of my artwork or an idea. Things are protected around here” I say this to her with my eyes barring down on her other pocket. The security guard asks her to empty all her pockets, next came the police and the slew of computer geeks to check everyone’s computer and to help establish all new passwords for everyone.

“One question,” I had to ask “why on earth would you spread rumors about someone you haven’t seen in over 10 years. Some people grow up after high school you know.” With that came a few snickers from behind me. One of the computer geeks found that she was looking at a lot of files of mine, all with the same words – yes I have a bunch of files with his name on it because he is my muse for many of my artistic pieces. He found this in the 2 minutes we were waiting I wonder what else he will find.

Our boss came strolling over to Ms. Redhead. He was fuming!!! I don’t think I have ever seen him this angry and I’ve been here the longest. I like my boss, he is a sweet man with other great physical qualities as well. It always bothered me that he is not married, he’d make a great husband to someone. He came straight to me and put his arms on my shoulders, “I’m sorry you have to go through this – you don’t deserve to be treated like this. None of you should.” He says as he turns around and points to each person. Then he turns his wrath on the redhead.

“You have made yourself nothing but a menace here since the day you got here. Always asking questions about her” as he points to me “always referring to her friend as a person of interest to you – ‘a rekindling will be happening soon’ I think is the phrase you used. I will not tolerate this kind of conduct anymore. You are fired, and to top it off we will be pressing charges of trespassing and anything else that can be proven by my computer tech staff to show how much you were into everyone else’s business except for the business you were hired to do.”

He was shaking, he called over the police with one hand and dismissed everyone else with the other. Then in a voice ever so gentle, one that I have never heard him use. “I will never allow anyone to hurt you – not physically, not professionally, and certainly not emotionally. You are the best thing that ever happened to me my dear and frankly I can’t hold in those feelings any more. Boss or no boss, I would like you to be in my life. Please give it some consideration.” His eyes were tearing and I think mine were too. I followed him to his office. No one else heard what he had said, well if they did no one even gave the slightest hint that they did.

I’m not sure he sees me standing behind him, his mind is racing a mile a minute you can tell by his body language even from the back. There I go again, but it’s true, for some men you can just tell. When we got into his office, I closed the door behind me. It was then that he saw me behind him. Neither one of us knew what to do at that second. So here we are standing in front of each other as we have thousands of times before. I am even more paralyzed than I was this morning.

“I heard what happened, I know you are close with him and I’ve heard her constant jabbering on about him. It’s as if, well, let’s just say she has an active imagination and isn’t afraid to use it. I’m glad you never heard the worse of it. You should know, none of us believed it – we all know him. We all love him. She was going to have to go on that basis alone – but to steal from you – from anyone – but from you. I just couldn’t take it.

I’m sorry if I stunned you. Can I please give you the hug I so desperately wanted to do before?”

All I can do is shake my head yes. I’ve always like him. He is a wonderful boss, and has always been a great mentor and friend. I’m so socially clueless I didn’t even know he wanted more. Never read the book on social cues like Mary did. I see him come close and in slow motion he reaches out to me and pulls me in. I lift my hands absentmindedly and hug him back. Who knew this would feel so good. We stayed that way for a couple minutes. He just kept pulling me in as if he wanted us to be one being, never moving his hands down too far. Finally, he pulled back just enough to see my face, with his right hand he pushed my hair out of my eyes and tucked it behind my ears on both sides. The smile I’ve grown to know and love appeared on his face as he asked me if I would accompany him to dinner on Saturday night.

It was such a sweet way of asking me out. Then I did a quick calculation, I had to be honest with him. “I just spoke to Mary today – her boy friend is kicking her out and she may show up in 3 days. That would be Saturday.” His face was that of a confused child. Oh, god I don’t want to hurt him. I think I really want to go out with him. My insides are still churning just from that hug. “Can we make it for Sunday, just in case she comes and is upset on Saturday?”

The smile returns, thank you god. He takes my hands in his hands and said, “I’ve waited this long, I guess one more day won’t matter. Give Mary a kiss from me, she is one of my favorite people you know.” Before I could take my next breath, his hands were on my face and his mouth on mine. Holy Moses, a more tender kiss you couldn’t have asked for. Ever, really, I mean it, no one does that! Not even in movies. This, I’m going to enjoy. But how do I leave this office right now – I’m getting accustomed to being frozen in my place today. This is the third time in 24 hours.

“Ok, now that this will be out in the open, I need to mention 2 things. 1, I like him too – he is a great friend to have and 2, I hope you can include me when you guys go out sometimes. On that note, I have to go be the boss now and make sure the cops are doing what they are supposed to do and my tech guys are doing their job as well. Why don’t you come gather your drawings from your office and work on them in the conference room – there is better sunlight there anyway.” One more quick kiss on the cheek and he is out the door. After I shake my head a moment I turn on my heels and walk out.

Walker is standing there, he is the only other artist that has been here as long as me and he gives me a thumbs up. I guess everyone except me knew this was in the air. Again, where is the book on social cues? I can’t wait till 7 to tell my friend what a day I’ve had. I look at my watch, its only 4 o’clock. Can this day get any longer?!

~~~

Mr. Packs and I had a great conversation. I forgot how uplifting it was to talk to him. He told me his baby is now engaged to be married. I couldn’t believe my ears. Wow this truly has been a crazy day. If I wrote a diary this day would be 5 pages long already and it’s not even dinner time yet. I explained to him what happened with my 2 o’clock meeting and I could hear his smile on the phone. He said I should go out and get another milkshake to celebrate. Haha, the man knows me well. We hung up with promises of getting together this year for Thanksgiving. As a matter of fact, I invited him to join me here so he can meet my friends and co-workers and see how I’ve been getting along. Besides with the wedding coming up, a nice quick get-a-way is in order.

Hanging up I see that in the few minutes that I have been on the phone, there are 3 more contracts on my desk to go over. Where did they come from? So, I sat down and got to work. My secretary, Natalie, came rushing in saying that there was one heck of an agitated man asking to speak to me right away. Considering my day so far has been no less than crazy, I said to send him in straight away. As I look up from my desk, I see my 2 o’clock. Surprised, I hesitantly asked, “Is everything ok sir?”

“Everything is great, your paperwork was superb, your design in our contract is flawless.” He remained standing as he spoke to me and looked as if he was about to burst. “The thing is, my boss wants to know what it would take to…” his hesitation was making me nuts. I was about to jump up and shake him, spit it out man what’s going on? Finally, he sits down and leans over my desk to say, “my boss wants me to woo you away from here. Says that we can use a bright young man like yourself teaching us old farts how to see things differently. I, on the other hand, am not comfortable with taking someone away from where they are comfortable. Besides, let’s be honest, I don’t want you taking my job until I’m ready to retire…….understood?” That last word was not said in the same whispered tone as the rest of his dissertation.

“Listen sir, I have no intention of leaving where I am. I like it here, I like the people, I like the company and what it stands for. This is where I want to grow. I’m not interested in becoming a corporate monkey. No offense.” I can’t believe I just said that. I just called the man who gave me a ½ million dollar contract a corporate monkey. Hopefully, he won’t understand what I just said.

“So, you’re not interested in weaseling yourself into my job? You have no intention at all? Why do I find that hard to believe? Why would anyone of your talent and magnitude not want to become a corporate snake or whatever you called it? You mean to tell me you literally helped me just to be nice? People like that don’t exist anymore. No one does anything for nothing.”

“I didn’t do it for nothing, as you recall I had asked you to sign the contract first. That was my selfish priority, my number one driving force. I hate to burst your bubble, but I had no intention then nor do I now to become any more involved in the inner workings of your office. I was looking at it from a purely numbers view. If you ask me on a lie detector test right now I couldn’t repeat 95% of what I saw on those papers this afternoon because they were not mine and therefore I do not allow myself the luxury of trying to understand what was actually written on them.” You would think old-school guys would understand this. Of all people, these are the guys who built the whole idea of keeping your word to a fellow businessman. If you don’t have your word, what else is there – that was my favorite sign in my dad’s office. He lived and breathed with that philosophy.

Right before he was about to open his mouth I see my boss come flying in. “Hello, welcome to our humble offices. I do hope you are finding your stay here a pleasant one. We look forward to working with your team on producing the finest product out there.” He shook hands with my client, tipped his hat to me and was out the door before anyone could respond to him.

Turning to me with a grin on my client says with a sly undertone in his voice, “Smooth, I’d like him too. Just so we are square, you are not going to be schmoozing up my boss for a job, correct?”

“No, I have no interest in leaving here. I rather like having you as a client, it’s a good relationship for us.” Where do I come up with the baloney? What a bunch of garbage I just spewed out. Worse part was he has taken it with ease and is shaking my hand now quite firmly and mumbling something about looking forward to working with me and my whole crew for a long time. I think I’m smiling but inside I am laughing at him so hard I’m rolling on the floor. This is nuts. Why on earth would I be looking to leave? Especially for a company whose VP can’t tell the difference between an accounts receivable and accounts payable sheet of paper? Chalk it up to this crazy day. I wonder if there’s a full moon tonight?

My dad used to believe in the full moon. Said it made everyone act just this side of crazy. Told me it was on these days that he sold way past his quota. I should check the calendar. But for now I must get back to work. Somehow in this madness of a day I must get some long overdue work done. Now that our biggest client is in and everyone who is involved in producing the product is on overdrive to meet our first deadline with them, I can get back to some other work. I don’t think I need to make another close for awhile. I think I will sit on this one for at least a week and get my other proposals to shine like the chrome on a Rolls Royce.

Before I do anything else I think I’ll shoot out another e-mail to my friend. ‘Hey, how is your day, hope you have time for another marathon night, there is so much going on I don’t think we will have time to get it in unless we are talking at warp speed. But first I want to hear about your day. How is my favorite sister Mary doing? Is she still taken or do you think I have a chance. HA, who am I kidding, she has the best gig around; beautiful, successful, smart and a great guy waiting for her each night. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but I would sure love to be her arm candy. Let me know when she will be in next so I can at least enjoy her company once in awhile. I can’t believe it’s only slightly after 4pm – this day HAS to end. See you soon.’ Me

I have no idea why I brought up Mary just now. But in the heat of all this crazy, she is the one person who would be able to cool it off. She is always so levelheaded. Nothing seems to get a rise out of her. That is the type of person I need in my life. Someone I can have a relationship with who will not have all the emotional baggage so many people carry with them. Ok, time to get back to work. The rest of this day has to be smooth – it just has to.

~~~

I don’t mind getting e-mails but today it’s been particularly annoying. It seems like every 2-3 minutes I hear that stupid chime of my computer that won’t let me forget there is a message. Plus, the tech guys have it set up that it won’t stop until you check it. Thereby avoiding missing any important internal messages, like the ones from them that say the system will be down from this time to that while we back-up everything we’ve done for the past 5 years.

Even from this conference room I hear my computer, it’s as if it’s attached to me, a sound that only exists for me, one that sounds at intervals that should be on an old episode of the Twilight Zone. 3 people have stopped by the conference room to tell me my computer won’t shut up. I suppose I have to go check it now. I hope they let me in. It’s been 2 hours already and they are still playing with my machine. Let’s see what’s doing.

“Hi, can I come in and check my e-mails? Hello! Can you hear me over your own thoughts?!” Wow, assertive twice in one day.

“What?” he looked up – that’s a start.

“Can I check my e-mails? Don’t you hear it chiming in every 2 minutes?”

“Oh, sure, that’s fine it will give me a couple minutes to run downstairs for tools. Just don’t try and get into anything else.” He starts to walk out and turns and says, “You know I can tell if you tried so just don’t try and we will all be happier.” With that he walks out but not before he looks back one more time to watch me.

He is a real nut when it comes to these computers. I bet he thinks he is the only one in the universe who can program these babies. I’ll bet Mary could make his head spin with what she does. She has already told me how to do the settings on my home computer to match that of the one here so that I feel like I’m working on the same machine. It’s great having a big sister.

Ok, my friend you can stop beeping, I’m checking the e-mail. Oh, oh, what’s this? Another e-mail from him, but this one has no subject line. I’m almost afraid to open it up. As if I did he would see right into what’s been going on here. But that is insane, he can’t see what is happening, he can’t possibly know. Paranoia is not a pretty thing. First I’ll open the business mail, nothing, nothing, less than nothing – ok, I have no choice his is the only one left. Here goes, hmmm. Mary? I swear I really don’t see social cues. How could I have missed that? I’ll wait and tell him later that she may be coming, this might be a good ice-breaker for us. Things are getting back to normal, all is really well with the world now. Until something else happens today.

~~~

6:45 already?! I must be going, I can’t be late, not tonight. Last time I went empty handed, this time I will pick up sandwiches and milkshakes at Happy’s before going over to her office. There is always time to break for a milkshake. Chocolate truffle is her favorite if I’m not mistaken.

“Flo? Why are you here? Isn’t it past your time?”

“Yes darlin’ but that new girl just slipped down the stairs and Happy had to run her to the hopstital to get checked, so of course I have to stay. What will it be? Wait, let me guess, it’s after 7 so you must be meeting your friend, 2 sandwich specials and 2 milkshakes, one chocolate truffle and one vanilla bean.”

Every time Flo has to say the word hospital she sounds like a 3 year old. It’s the one word that she just can’t spit out. “Yes, Flo, as usual you have read my mind. Any chance it can be rushed, I’m running late.” By the time I finished asking the question she was already on the second shake. I don’t know how she operates. I think she is part robot. Here she is in her mid 50s, looking better than many 30 year olds I know, working herself crazy but she enjoys every minute of every day. I want a job like hers. I think that is what keeps her going every day – she loves her job, I mean honestly loves it.

“All set love. Hey, did you really mean what you said earlier about helping Happy out? If you do, he said you can come by tomorrow morn after the breakfast rush, he will be waiting.”

“You bet Flo, it will be my pleasure.” So now I have to rearrange tomorrow’s schedule to accommodate an old friend – that’s ok. He is so worth it. Happy has owned this place for more than 40 years. He started at age of 18, it’s unbelievable. At 18, I was still hanging with the guys and looking forward to going away for school – and just going away. Happy was learning how to cook and run a business from an old man wanting to sell. He spent that whole summer learning what to do, started to run the place when all his other friends were going off to school or being drafted. Happy’s only break from the job was when he was drafted, but no sooner was he in combat on his 2nd tour and he was shot in a place where, let’s just say that required him to come home. From then on, he brought in his own dad to help him out and do some of the heavy lifting with him. Then his cousin came in as a silent partner and has remained silent all these years. Happy says it’s better that way. He takes good care of anyone who works here which is why Flo has lasted so long. Others have come and gone, all trained by Flo and/or Happy himself. Everyone brings with them something new and leaves with much more than they bargained for. One time a busboy came upon hard times with his family so Happy awarded the boy a scholarship to college if he promised to graduate. He did, and in turn came back every summer to work and every vacation and had his college graduation party at Happy’s with all his family in attendance. There are still pictures of that party hanging up.

Happy was also the host of 3 weddings from former workers as well, each one toasting him with high honors for getting them to where they were. Happy himself never married. Says he was married to his place and his family was all around him. They all paid him back in spades. Some former workers have done repairs for him free of charge. Some have just given back the money awarded them by Happy. No one leaves here unhappy – it’s an understood rule. If Flo can’t fix it then Happy will. Not one enemy on the planet.

Flo packed everything up and said, “It’s on the house – a pre thank you for helping Happy tomorrow” she smiled and then came around the counter in a hurry to give me a hug before I left. Yes, this is truly the most unusual day I’ve ever experienced. Ok, maybe not ever but definitely up there.

3 minutes to 7 and I’m never late. I definitely can’t be today considering how the day started. As I run down the block to her office, I wonder why she doesn’t come here more often it’s so close. She always makes excuses that she doesn’t like to eat out. I will have to change that, Happy’s isn’t eating out – it’s eating amongst friends. I am standing across the street from her office and I have to stop and take a deep breath. At that exact moment of inhale there was a crack of thunder that shook the world. The skies opened up so hard and fast no one knew what hit them. I darted across and into the building but not before I was completely soaked. Seconds, it only took seconds to get me completely drenched. I started to laugh, grabbed a better hold onto the bag from Flo and ran up the stairs to her office. When I got to her floor I had to take a step back, breathe, and get some control over the situation. This has been a crazy day and it looks to be an even crazier night. I have to try and walk in with some amount of dignity.

~~~

Sitting here watching the clock go as slow as molasses is really tiresome. As I see it, my world has just been tossed around in 4 different directions in the past 4 hours. Time to recap again, crazy women is just that – crazy, she has had it in for me and went so far as to search my personal belongings, security had a field day searching everyone’s computers, my best friend has the hots for my sister, my sister’s supposed fiancé is a complete rat and has been using her for months, and finally, my boss just gave me the kiss of a lifetime that I am still recovering from. Yes, that sounds about right – now how do I put all this in a perspective that I can understand? I can’t which is why I’m waiting, very impatiently I might add, for my friend to show up and interrupt me trying to get my artwork done. Which, by the way, is coming out great, if I do say so myself.

Holy Moses what the heck was that sound? That is the largest crack of thunder I’ve ever heard. It’s amazing that the electricity is still on. The world just went black outside in the timespan of a blink. Wow! Look at that rain, ok, forgiven for any lateness. Who would want to go out in that mess?

I better go see if my boss left or not, he usually walks to the train. Normally, I don’t have any problems walking through this office late at night. I’ve done it a hundred times or more, but today just seems different. Like I shouldn’t be doing this. I start to walk closer to his office and see his light is out – good he has left and hopefully is already on the train. Maybe I should call him to find out. No, don’t be a pest. Should he be calling me? Should I be worried that he is ok? The train is above ground, is it like sitting inside a lightning rod?

Whoa, slow down girl, your head is running away with you again. Let’s just turn around and go back to my desk, sit down and wait for him to show up. Tonight we really do have what to talk about, I hope he is as patient with me as I am with him.

Walking back to the conference room, which has now become my office for awhile, I start to look around the office as never before. I see Carry’s big stuffed bear is still there on her desk from when she gave birth, Milo’s first typewriter has become a doorstop to his office, many others have their personal belongings all around, this place is like everyone’s bedroom extension. There is not one person here that is not showing off some sort of personal memento, something that says this is my space, this is me. I take that back, there is one empty office/cubicle space – that would be mine. No wonder it was so easy to pick up and plant myself in the conference room, I have nothing to lay claim to, no way of marking this place as mine except for the fact that my footprints are on every inch of this place from be pacing late at night barefoot.

Maybe that’s why I don’t read social cues well, I can’t even attach myself to something that should matter to me, some kind of token given to me by someone special, some kind of symbol that says I actually work here or live here – my home is the same way. Simple, no frills and void of anything truly personal. Hmmmm, what would Freud say – better yet do I really care?

“Good evening, pacing again are we?” As I turn around, there he is standing, soaked to the bone it looks like with a bag from Happy’s of course.

“Good evening yourself – how slowly were you walking?”

“If you really want to know, I was across the street when that crack of thunder shook my world, froze me for a second and all I did was cross the street to get this wet. Is everyone gone?”

“Yeah” As I take a deep breath I seem to be frozen in place. Why can’t I move, not towards him and not away, I just can’t seem to get my legs to move. Now I have to walk him back to my office only I can’t without explaining it all to him first.

“You are never going to believe how my day went. But first, can I put this food down? I’m starving and would love to eat it.”

“Yeah, let’s go into the conference room – my new home. Long story…..long day here too.” We walk in silence for those 30 seconds it takes to cross the floor.

As we walk in, I clear a spot on the table for us to eat and all of a sudden, the flood gates just opened up. I started rambling on like a fool. I took one drink of that delicious shake Flo made and bam, I just couldn’t stop. I told him everything before either of us could get our second bite of this amazing sandwich – I wonder what’s in it anyway. God bless Flo.

“……and so, here I am wondering how I feel about the whole boss thing and how I could be so stupid as to never have picked this up.” His eyes are watery, his face looks to be in shock. Do you think I could have spoken any faster? Was it possible to keep dynamite in a bottle? I couldn’t take it anymore, someone had to hear about my day and who better to talk to then my best friend.

Silence. I hate silence, it always makes me so nervous. So, I chose to begin to eat and see where the chips lie.

~~~

Well, that explains a lot – I guess there is no need for me to do any background checking in my office – I never would have suspected that particular girl. I actually remember her from High School. She was a simple girl, hung out with the smart kids. I never spoke to her much except if we happened to be in class together. I am not sure I know her by name, I just know the description and when she pointed her out in the company photo I made the connection. She has not changed much so it wasn’t a stretch to recognize her.

I have to chew on this whole thing though – I can’t respond so quickly, I don’t want her to think I’m defensive about my past. It’s just that it was the past and now is now we all mature eventually. Don’t we?

Her boss is my age, 5 years older than her. He is a great guy, I’ve always known he was into her. Good for him for breaking it to her gently (hahaha) Man I wish I was here to witness all this- it would have been better than parts of my day.

One good turn deserves another, I might as well let her in on my day, the silence is going to kill her, she can’t take more than a moment or two.

“Well, I like your boss. I hope things work out for you two, just let him know he has to share you though because friendships don’t change just because there is a new character in the story.

Not that I’m playing tit-for-tat, however, let me explain my day for you.”

I started by telling her how awful I felt for leaving her in a lurch this morning and I went from there, starting with the client at Happy’s. I found myself talking a mile a minute just as she had done moments ago. So, maybe it won’t be a late night at the speed in which we are both talking.

Now that everything is out, maybe we can get down to the issues at hand. Mary is coming back, possibly for good. I think I will dwell on that thought for awhile.

“You got the 2 o’clock contract?!!!!!!” I could not let this go, I jumped from my chair and gave him a big hug and a kiss on his forehead. I sat right down and grabbed up my milkshake like it was champagne, “A toast, to us” as I held my cup up high.

“To us, and to friendships everywhere” we laughed and each took a long sip of our shakes. We continued our dinner with small talk and talking about the details of everything that has been going on. How she feels about her boss, Mary and even her career.

We cleaned up our mess from eating and walked over the window. The rain had stopped and we decided to leave while the leaving was still good. But where to go – tonight it was my turn. I asked her to come over to my place, I have a balcony we can sit on, surrounded by screen panels so we can sit outside even on a night like this. I helped her clean up her work and make the piles of stuff she will need for tomorrow.

I left first as I have to get home and let the dog out for a few minutes first. She needed to stop and get gas in her car anyway and drop off some drawings to someone before morning. We gave each other a quick kiss on the cheek and it felt so natural, like we had always done this, just like we see so many of our friends do when they meet each other on the street. This solidified it, we are truly friends. I owe her an explanation tonight. It has to be tonight while I still have the nerve to tell her.

When I got home, there is a message on the answering machine. “I know where you live now, I even have your number. No one knows you like I do, I am better than her….. ALL my body parts move – and in sooooooooooooo many directions. I would love to show you in person.” As the message finished I looked at the time it came in – before everything went down at the office. I didn’t want to erase it, it’s evidence. Evidence for what I wasn’t sure, so I called the police and reported a stalker, they said they would be right over to review the tape.

When the police came, my dog went nuts I had to hold him back even though he is old – he was on full protection mode this evening. “Excuse him, I guess he is feeling uncertain about this.”

“Perfectly normal, but if you can keep him locked up just the same we would appreciate it.” They asked who she was so I had to explain what happened earlier. I also told them that the women who witnessed it was on her way over if they wanted to ask any questions.

“That would be good, in the meantime we’re going to call this in and find out if there were any official charges made this afternoon.”

“Can I get you some tea?” I sound like such an old lady, but that is all I had in the house. Oh, I have orange juice, I could have offered that. I hate second guessing myself but it seems I do it so well.

I saw her car pulling into the driveway so I ran to the door. She got out of the car and came running over, her face looked frightened. “Everything’s ok, I wasn’t robbed or anything, seems my old friend called me before you were able to stop her and left quite a disturbing message on the machine. I just wanted them to hear it, take it or do with it whatever they want. I think I should ask for a restraining order based on this.” Again, speaking at the speed of light, I finished talking before she got to the steps. A quick kiss on the cheek I followed her into the house.

“Hello officers, this is the women I was speaking of.”

“Good evening mam. We already finished talking to the station, seems your boss has brought her up on felony charges based on how many personal items were gone through at the office. She is still in custody. I would like to take your answering machine, it’s digital and does not have a tape for us to take. I will start the proceedings for a restraining order and will probably need you to come down to the station tonight still, or in the morning. Do either of you have a problem with coming in?”

“No, I think I can speak for both of us and say we will do whatever is necessary. Thank you, officer.” With that the two officers walked towards the door – shook our hands and left with my answering machine.

~~~

It’s only 9:30, you would think it’s next Tuesday already by the amount of things that have happened in the past 24 hours. I dropped off the drawings to Walker, he said he will present them tomorrow to our client. Walker is a great ideas man, sometimes he can come up with the perfect picture but he can’t draw to save his life, he likes to think he is an artist – I tell him he has the best handwriting which is why he gets to put on the words all the time. He is a great guy. When I come to his door, he opens it up wearing nothing but a cook’s apron.

“Having company tonight Walker?” I asked, not having anything else to say to this picture in front of me. He laughed. And was about to turn around when I said, “Whoa there, just take the drawings, I will turn around and see myself out. Have a great night.” I called to him all the while facing my car and waving backwards to him making double sure not to turn around until I hear his door close. Finally, I get into my car and just laugh. I keep laughing. This was just what the doctor ordered after a day like today.

As I pull up to my friend’s house I see two patrol cars on the street in front of his house. My heart is pounding and my breath is sporadic. I slow the car down and pull into his driveway slowly. I am so uncertain about what is going on. I hear the dog barking ferociously from all the way out here. I had better get inside quickly.

Ok, take a breath, he is outside to greet me. I can slow down, actually I stop in my tracks for a second and take a cleansing breath as I hear him explain what is going on.

As I step inside is see 3 patrolman. They each look like they are straight out of my imagination. If I could stereotype what I think a policeman might look like – here are 3 of them looking exactly like that. I can’t help but smile, I hope no one thinks I’m nuts.

5 minutes later and they are gone. I go to look at the table because I see a book out that I’ve never seen out before. It’s some kind of yearbook. It is! A High School yearbook from way over 10 years ago. I wonder why this is out. Better not ask, let’s leave well enough alone. I’ll just sit down on the couch and wait for him to calm the dog down and come back.

~~~

Poor dog, don’t worry boy they are gone. You can come out of this kennel now, I know how much you hate it. Go to the living room, here is a treat to take with you.

“Well, if our day can get any fuller, I’m not sure how. Did you see the book I left out?”

“Yes, actually I did. How did you know I would see it?”

“I never leave things out and I was certain you would have noticed it being out and being out of character. Look, I’m not very good at this whole discloser thing so I hope you will be patient with me. I have a lot of explaining to do about today.

You see, there is a reason for her to act the way she did, does whatever. It stems from a long time ago. High School days, days of charming any girl you can just to have someone to go to the next best dance party with. Someone whom you can show off as “yours”.

I want to share something with you that only the people involved know about. I have not told this to any living soul since it happened nor will I ever tell anyone after this. If this is something you are prepared to hear, then I think I’m finally prepared to tell it.”

~~~

Thank god I’m sitting down. I am watching him, he is pacing, he is carrying this yearbook in a way that is seems to be either a security blanket or a secret bigger than Fort Knox. It’s hard to tell, but it is clearly something from deep within him. This is not going to be easy for him to say and I’m not sure if it will be easy to hear, but it has to be done and I think it has to do with what happened today. What else can I say?

Slowly, I walk over to him and give him a big hug. I take him into me and whisper to him, “whatever it is, I’m here for you, now and always.” Then I take his free hand and bring him over to the couch. We sit down together, and he does not take his hand away from mine. In fact he intertwines his fingers with mine as if to ensure that I am not going anywhere.

Here goes…..

~~~

“I’m not even sure where to start. But here goes.” I use my free hand to open the yearbook to page 5. This is where she is. It’s a picture of Betty, her sister, and a gang of giggling girls all sitting under the big maple tree in the front courtyard of our school. I point to Betty.

“The smartest girl in our school. She had an amazing command of the English language. I watched her tell off kids for things they were doing without using one four letter word. No, that would be beneath her. She never needed to use slang or curse words, she could tell you off just by using her own words. She didn’t need to quote a then famous movie, or TV show. Didn’t need to try and imitate a voice of someone famous. She was just herself. Loving life to its fullest.

One day, in the beginning of our senior year, I actually had a class with her. Up until then, I had only seen her in the halls. Senior year was different though, she came to school looking a little different. She didn’t seem to carry herself with the same confidence. Her younger sister was a freshman then, she became like a shadow to her. Everywhere she was, you could find her sister Helen.

She started to pull away from her clique of friends, or they started to pull from her, it was hard to say. Things were just different. There was a different aura about her. It drew me in like a bug to light. I kept sitting near them during lunch, finding her in the library during study hall. We talked, but not nearly as much as you and I, life was different in High School. I also had to find time to hang with the guys or you just weren’t ……well, you know how it goes – gotta stay with the in crowd.

I had my own brand of popularity. Each year of High School, I had a different girl friend. Freshman year, a blond, Sophomore year, brunette, Junior year, a redhead. Don’t worry not the same girl, I was never with her in any way shape or form.

So here it was Senior year and I was dating no one. By the end of October, Betty and I had just evolved into a couple. I never really asked her out, and we never called each other boyfriend or girlfriend. We just were, well, we just were us.

I can’t explain it any other way. As Thanksgiving was approaching I got a call from Helen to run over to their house. What a house it was – picture a southern mansion – now double it. Mr. Packs is a shrewd businessman and he lavished his kids with whatever they needed. Especially Betty, she was named after his mom and he was very close with her. Plus, it was on this day that I found out, Betty was sick.

Helen called to tell me Betty was being fitted with a wheelchair. Retrospectively, I realized that this is what was different, she was wearing braces on her legs, only we couldn’t really tell because her clothes covered it up really well. Helen was following her in school to make sure she didn’t fall or something.

She said, she would be coming home any minute and that it would be nice if I could come over and be here for her because she is not so sure what kind of mood she will be in. Of course, I went. First I stopped off at the ice cream parlor and picked up a milkshake – what girl wouldn’t like a milkshake.

As I pulled up to their house, I was just in time to see her dad place her in her new chair. I went running up the them and said – ‘let’s celebrate the new wheels – you want chocolate or vanilla?’ Her dad looked perplexed. He wanted to protect her so badly you could see it in his eyes. He did not want her subjected to public scrutiny just yet and here I was bigger than life and right in front of him. She smiled and simply said, ‘chocolate of course’.

I handed her the milkshake and wheeled her around to the gazebo they had in the backyard. I even carried her up to sit down on the bench there. We finished our shakes and sat there for a couple hours just talking.

~~~

So, this isn’t a new thing with him. He has always been a talker. What a gentleman, not to notice her in her chair. Almost like a knight in shining armor. He saw her for who she was and now as I look into his eyes, I see that this is going to end badly.

I don’t know where this is going but I’m not sure I will like the ending. He is squeezing my fingers so hard at this point I’m not sure there is circulation in those fingers. But there is no way you are going to see me move them. In fact, I take a moment to scoot even closer over to him.

This gesture makes him look up. His eyes are somewhere but I can’t quite tell where. He is lost now in this memory and all I can do is wait here with him. He needs me more now than he ever has. I will not let him down, I will not move.

~~~

I’m sure I realized that she was sick then but I just didn’t care. If you could have seen her eyes, her smile, the two of you would have really gotten along well. Not that I’m comparing you, god no, I’m just saying had you two met you would have been friends.

~~~

With his free hand he wipes the hair out of his own face and is trying to recuperate from a statement he thinks I’ve taken offense to. He is fidgety now and is unsure of where to go from here.

“Take a deep breath. I’m here whenever you want to start up again. Take it slow, I’ve nowhere to go.”

Watching him go through this is painful, listening to it is making it even worse. I so badly want him to unburden himself from this. I think if he lets it out finally, then maybe he can let it go. Let this ghost rest in peace and be able to push it back to fond memories and not painful ones.

~~~

Gather yourself my friend, if you hold her hand any tighter you may bust a finger. I look up, she is not wavering, she is here for me, she is waiting and letting me get through this at my own pace. I see Mary’s eyes in her right now and I can’t wait to see her again.

Wow, I can’t believe I am thinking about Mary right now. Maybe letting this out will let me let it go. I sure hope so. I can’t hold this in anymore, after today I really have to let it out, let someone else know how things got out of hand and how my past is just that……past.

Deep breath, close eyes, ok now open them and continue.

“When Betty came back to school, there was a lot of teasing she received. Mostly from girls. Stupid things like, ‘you can’t go to the Thanksgiving dance in a chair’ as they would giggle behind her back. Or worse yet would be the comments to me in front of her, ‘I’ll let you wheel me around too – only I can give you something back’.

This is where it all began. Old girlfriends started treating me differently. Saying comments about how I left her only to end up with someone who can’t dance in or out of the bedroom. Helen got into a couple fist fights with people because of protecting her sister. Finally, after the second one I had a long talk with her and we made a pact to ignore ignorance. We vowed to each other that we will listen, bow our heads to whomever is talking and walk away.

It was hard on her, the boys wouldn’t ask her out because they were too stupid to know you can’t catch whatever Betty had through her sister. So Thanksgiving dance, I had 2 dates. Things went downhill from there. The 3 of us had a great time.

I danced with both of the girls. But when Helen had to take Betty to the bathroom is when other girls noticed that Betty didn’t just have an accident or something, she was unable to move her legs and her sister had to help her in the bathroom.

While they were still there, 4 of the girls previously in the bathroom offered to dance with me. Some offered even more considering the ‘condition’ of my date. Each time, I said no. Each time they said, ‘we will see who you go home with bad boy’.

Clearly, I went home with my 2 dates. Come Monday though the rumors had already started. One girl claiming to have been with me in the parking lot while Betty was ‘packed away’. Yes, you heard me right they used that phrase, it’s one I’ll never forget.

Another made acquisitions that I had kissed her on the dance floor while Betty and Helen were ‘freshening up’. Truth be told it took the girls awhile in the bathroom because unlike their home which is wide and accommodating, the bathroom stalls at school were not so easy to maneuver around. I was pacing outside the bathroom hoping everything was ok. Girls from out of nowhere were offering me rides home so I didn’t have to be with ‘them’ anymore. It was the single most horrible night of my life.

Monday after when the rumors started whirling around school, it was hard to tell who was the most hurt. Betty or Helen. By second period I had to set things right. I started to tell everyone that I was with both girls the whole night. That only made it worse. They guys started telling jokes about me being with 2 girls all night and being sisters made their stories go even further down the toilet.

During lunch that day, I couldn’t find them. I was in a panic and started to search their usual hiding places. I finally found them in the hallway by the girl’s locker room. There were a couple of guys circling around them like hyenas around a lion cub. I will not repeat what they said, but it was what they were about to do that blew me away. As soon as one of them put a hand on Helen I flew off the handle. Plowed into both guys with fists flying. I couldn’t tell then and I certainly can’t tell you now because I don’t remember what happened. All I can tell you is that when the smoke cleared so to speak, they were both on the floor with a black eye and the girl’s clothing was ripped. I took them straight to the principal’s office.

That night we sat in their living room trying to decide what to do. Mr. Packs came into the room with a face of depression on him that to this day I have never seen. The doctor had called. When he was done explaining everything we all just sat there stunned. I tuned out most of it. I was only 17, what did I know of the seriousness of the situation. How could I be certain he wasn’t just trying to scare me.

When we got to back to school the next day, the principal called me in to get my version of the story. I could not tell him anything except that I saw these boys attack the girls. After that I have no idea what happened. He thankfully believed me.

I walked the girls to every class each day after that. The 3 of us became inseparable. If Betty was late because of a doctor’s appointment the school nurse used to find me and ask if things were ok.

Moving right along, I began doing everything for her. I showed up before school to get her ready for school. Brushed her hair, learned how to braid it, put on her makeup and wrote out her homework that she did not have time to do. Then the 3 of us would drive to school.

I grew closer and closer to this women I called Betty. One night we went out to the drive in theater. I sat close to her with my arms around her like anyone else in the lot. At the end of the movie, I gave her a kiss on the lips that totally shocked both of us.

Rumors started flying worse after that – how and what I would do. The ‘normal’ girls as they called themselves would be angry at any sight of affection I had towards her so they would turn it around and say I was with them instead.

It was a crazy time, only I was so caught up in Betty I didn’t pay attention to what was going on around me. Our pact seemed to work – we tuned it out, concentrated on our studies and went about our days.

One evening we were together and Betty asked that we go back out to the gazebo. We were out there until 2am. At that time she turned to me and said she was dying and that she wanted to die like a women not a kid. I carefully and slowly took her off her chair and the two of us were covered under blankets. It was a time of no return.

Then my folks happened. The car full of workers from a staff meeting came barreling down on them at a light. Never stopped. My mom was killed instantly – dad was in critical care.

Mr. Packs was at the hospital with me every day. He held my hand, his wife made sure I ate each day. I kept guard at my dad’s bedside as if that was going to bring him out if it. Helen came by as often as she could between school and caring for Betty.

After the double funeral, life went numb.

I need some tea – want some?

~~~

When he says heavy, he meant heavy. As I watch him undo his fingers from mine, it was painful to see how much strain he was under right now. All these years he hasn’t told another person what went on.

All those cruel teenagers around him, why on earth would they want to spread the rumors. Now I hate redheaded girl even more than before. If she went to that school, she would have known of Betty’s death as well as his folks, but all she can remember was that he was rumored as a player. Disgusting!

I hear him, he is sobbing in the kitchen. I’m not sure how much he wants me to be on him right now. I’ll wait a minute and give him his privacy. Ok minutes up I can’t stand this.

I go running into the kitchen and see him sitting on the floor holding his dog and crying. I sit down next to him and wait to see what he wants. Slowly I put my arm on his back. Then to my surprise, he wraps his arms around me and just shakes from tears. They just keep flowing out, it’s years of tears that were never shed for a loss that was greater than himself.

I realize now that he probably has not had anyone to speak to at length since this girl Betty. I do not compare myself to her only that I can tell he has needed this for some time. He never likes talking with the guys, he always tells me you can’t talk about anything deeper than the last quarterback’s pass.

As we sit on the kitchen floor his breathing finally becomes more steady but his head is still buried into my neck and his arms haven’t moved yet, so we sit together and I wait.

“Do you still need that tea? I know how to make it you know. If you have ice cream, I can make us shakes too. Your call.”

For the first time in hours I see a smirk. One that I never thought I would be as thankful to see as I am right now.

~~~

“A shake would be great. Thanks. I miss my folks you know. I wasn’t prepared for all that to happen at once. My mom had one sister and my dad was estranged from his family because years ago they tried to embezzle money from him at an early business venture. Gotta love family.

They were promptly disowned by my dad and he never looked back. He always told me that the right decision doesn’t require a second look, just an appreciation.

My folks met Betty and Helen a few times, mom loved Betty. She told me we would make beautiful babies together, because she loved her eyes and always loved my lips. Don’t ask it’s a mom thing I guess.

Anyway, there wasn’t much of a wait between my mom’s death and my dad’s which made the whole thing seem like it was a double funeral. After only a couple days the ground is still fresh on the first one. Mr. Packs brought me to his lawyer’s office to make sure that everything was done right by me. He wanted to make sure the will was ironclad and that my sicko family couldn’t ever come after me for anything.

They tried as he suspected, but his lawyer had already tightened up the will so tight there was no way on this god’s earth that they could lay claim to any of my parent’s properties. I sold the house and all its belongings and with Mr. Packs help, set up a trust fund to help me pay for college and not blow it on stupidity.

By the time all this had come to pass Betty’s situation was deteriorating fast. Helen was at both funerals, so were her parents but I was so preoccupied with myself that I forgot about Betty until the night he called me. Said it would be nice if I could come say goodbye. It would be good for me.

That night I went over Mr. Packs took me into his office first. He told me that he had always spoiled his kids, maybe too much but that was his choice. He gave them the best of everything, best food, house, clothing – and when necessary, best doctors. Then he started to cry and said that I am the only person who could give Betty what he could not. She wanted to feel like a real teenager. Wanted to be a women before she died.

I couldn’t believe he was saying this in front of me. I didn’t know anyone saw us I was ready to crawl into a hole. Then he went onto say that it was just Betty’s way. She told him everything because she knew her time was short so she wanted to make sure he knew everything about her. He went on to say how grateful he was for having me treat her the way in which she deserved – as just another teenager.

I finally went up to her room. They opened the door slowly and all I could see was that her hair was messed up. I went over to her dresser got her brush and brushed her hair the way she liked it. Then I proceeded to braid it and put a matching ribbon in her hair.

She was already asleep when I got there and didn’t move while I was there either. Her eyes were closed the whole time. I just leaned forward, kissed her on both cheeks and said, ‘go in peace my beautiful women’.

I got the call before I was in the shower in the morning. The funeral was quick and attended only by her family and the close friends of her parents who were just like family.

After a week, Helen and I went back to school. When people saw us come in together snickers and whispers prevailed again. Helen had to leave school, she couldn’t put up a front anymore she wanted to shoot all of them. Her dad sent her to the best school they could find – no surprise there.

As for me, I had to finish senior year then I could leave the house and my life behind and never look back. The only person I speak to on occasion is Mr. Packs. All the rest I could spit on.

So many girls came and offered themselves to me as a better prize because they have working parts. So, when I heard that message today I knew I had to finally tell you.

I’m sorry I’ve kept my past from you. I have invited the Packs to join me for Thanksgiving this year and they said they just might take me up on it. I want them to meet you and it would be great if Mary was here too.

Do you hate me now – 2 nights in a row and here we are watching the dawn come up only it’s not your living room, it’s my kitchen.

Thank you, my friend – my best friend – my forever friend.”

~~~

I am speechless. There are no words, just as my feet have been frozen 3 times today, now my lips are as well.

I stand up and walk to his chair and pull him up. We stand there and hug. There are no words here – none are necessary. All that needs to be said is being felt.

“Mary is going to love you even more now.”

Then out of the blue, there is a knock at the door.

We look at each other – as if the other person was expecting someone and didn’t tell.

“Who the heck is knocking at 4:30 am?”

“Darn if I know, let’s go check. Great guard dog, not even moving now” we laugh and walk together to the door. We see a large bright blue sedan parked next to my car in the driveway and look again at each other and start to crack up.

As he opens the door we see,……my boss.

“What are you doing here at this hour?” he asks my boss.

“To tell you the truth I often drive by this way on my way to the gym, then I saw your car and instead of going to the gym, I went to Happy’s instead and came back hoping your car was still here and it is. Is it too soon to join you guys for breakfast?”

Laughter ensued.

~~~

This is going to be a great friendship – I love her boss, he is a great guy and I’ll bet someday I will be able to relay the story again without the drama. For now I’m ok with just her knowing and maybe she can tell Mary the condensed version. But for now, the cat’s out of the bag and I feel like a burden has been lifted from me.

I actually feel I can breathe easier now. This has been the longest day ever.

“Well, don’t just stand there I smell Flo’s pancakes let’s go to the kitchen.”

We all walked together and sit down at the table.

“Oh, I see I missed first round of milkshakes.”

Laughter is the best conversation starter. It’s going to be a good day.