Certainly it does not have a name

Nowadays, I think too much. I hardly want to eat something or go somewhere. Yes, I am sick. This sickness would not leave me, but its not bothering me anymore. I have lived a longer life than most of my contemporaries. I have lived a long happy life enriched with kind relations around me. They are still with me. I am happy and believe me; I am not in pain anymore. If there is any, I don’t feel it. It’s wonderful.

If I try to recall when maa had taken me to our home, I found it difficult. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and don’t know how but, she looks radiant as she always was. May be she has got some special magic that she used to raise me to the most handsome of my time in my place. I knew, all around me just got jealous or they just could not stop praising my looks. Bro and sis adored me all my life and I was Granny and grandpa’s favorite among all.

One thing I can recall now, that was the awkward inability to speak when I really wanted to say something on some occasions. I used to watch them talking over many things and find it amazing how they discussed over a family matters and spoke their points on that. Sis used to have an opinion over everything and most of the time everybody had to listen to her. She grew up to be an intelligent girl. I felt so proud of her. She was the only person in the family who spent hours sitting with me. We both did not speak that much, but she understood me the most. I loved when she was with me. Sometimes I felt that she was happy for no particular reason and sometime she looked so sad. She often went out of home, I sensed there must be something going on outside that was important to her but she never disclosed. I used to wonder what important thing a person could find outside the home. I sometimes ran out. I mostly wandered in the lanes near our home or in the river where I spent hours bathing or just staring how it was endlessly flowing. I tried to find if anything appealing present out there. In actual sense, I never had found anything.

But I did find something. I started enjoying companies of strangers. They had a little much to offer. I never had any problem with that. I used to call it ‘coloring’. Well, coloring must be the most fun thing on earth. It felt great each time. There were times when I was a little more involved in one or two cases but I don’t exactly knew what was going there in my mind. I felt some kind of strange urges building inside me. Sometimes I might had decided for a moment that I would ran out and did something for myself; only for myself; might be making a family of my own. But, something inside me stopped me. That was the affection I had for my people. They loved me so much that I could not afford to take such a step.

As I grew older, sometimes their love was too much to handle for me. I sometimes felt like they were simply forcing me to be the little boy who did all according to them. I knew that they loved me a lot, but like bro and sis, I too wanted to spend times outside. I disliked the look sis gave me every time I came back from outside. Ok, every time from outside after coloring, she used to look at me as if I was doing something wrong. I do not know. That phase of going out used to come and go. I loved my sis, I could not promise her that I would not go out but I had promised myself that I would never leave her or the family.

It was one of the most amazing moments in my life when a little one was added to our happy family. He was so lovely, amazingly energetic and looked exotic. I just adored him. I was like his big brother who was appointed to teach him everything. He listened to me like a good student. I found somebody who speak and listen to me. He somehow completed me. I saw him grew up. I was growing older too. I noticed that all people around me were getting mature. Sis and bro were not kids anymore, but the way they were growing made me glad. Granda and granny too were getting older. I sometimes feel sad when I saw them falling ill. Granda fell ill repeatedly. It was terrible to see him on bed for days after days. He recovered but again fell sick.

It was a tough moment for all of us when he died. People came and told us that he had a long and happy journey. Saying goodbye to somebody who walked together so long was tough and unbearable. Rituals were performed after his death. It gave a feel that he left after living a complete life. But completeness should not have created a permanent empty place which could not be filled up by anything.

After some days when things had gotten normal again and no one was thinking about that permanent empty hole anymore, my primal instincts were coming back to me. Yes, that was again the time for coloring. God could not be more offended on me when I entered an ugly fight among some strangers. They were ugly, but strong boys. I was attacked ferociously. They were all over me, bit me. I somehow escaped and ran to home. That night I had a fever. I suffered nightmares.

Maa, sis, bro, everybody was so worried. They came closer to me and tried to comfort me. Soon, they discovered something in my neck and it was a horrible wound which was already getting worse and spreading. They applied something over that, but I could not feel better. Every night I wanted to shout out of pain but could not. Little one was terrified looking at me. For some three to five days they tried to help me, but nothing worked.

Nightmares stopped to come in the nights. I started used to the pain.

I loved it when people cared so much for me. I could see the pain in their eyes. I was special for them.

I, now wish to see my family happy before leaving.

Standing in the river bank and having a wonderful sight of the far world, I am trying to find something that would take me away from here.

May be the river is listening to this sick dog and It has just whispered to wait for a while and recall the beautiful blessed life I spent here.