A Safe Place to Land

A Safe Place to Land - Chapter 1



         He slips his hand up the back of my shirt and begins fumbling with my bra straps. Immediately, my whole body clenches. My heart begins racing and the all too familiar panic sets in. No no no no no. I brace my hands against his chest and push, twisting out of his embrace. Shawn steps back, breathing heavily, eyeing me wearily.

         "I thought you said you were serious this time. This shit is getting old, Everly."

         "I'm sorry, Shawn. I'm not messing with you, I swear. Just, give me a minute." I take a deep breath in through my nose, and out through my mouth, Calm, I urge myself. I can do this. It's nothing, just sex. I can do this. "Can we just slow down, please?"

         Shawn rolls his eyes, but humors me despite his obvious annoyance, "Okay, we can slow down. We can go as slow as you want." He leans in to kiss my neck, his hands on my hips. This is comfortable territory, this I can handle. I force my body to relax. Shawn's a nice guy. He's been really patient these last few months, waiting for me to be ready. We met in a coffee shop on campus. I was sitting in a bean bag chair reading Jane Eyre and sipping a hot chocolate when I realized someone was watching me. A shiver ran down my spine and I could feel his eyes on me. I looked up slowly, letting my eyes travel the room until they landed on the offender. He smiled when our eyes met and began moving towards me. My heart began to race as he wove his way through the small crowd of college students milling around the small shop. He was cute! Guys like this didn't notice me, unless they needed help with their English homework. His hair was blonde and just long enough to flop over his forehead in the most adorable way. He dropped down into a crouch as he reached me, and I think my heart actually stopped.

         "Hey." He said coolly, smiling in a way that told me he knew exactly how beautiful he was. I mentally resisted rolling my eyes, even as returned his smile. "Freshmen?" He asked.

         "Yes," I admitted lamely. "What gave me away?"

         "I've never seen you around, and I make it my business to know every pretty girl on campus." After a moment of awkward silence he laughed and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "Any chance that didn't sound as lame as I think it did?"

         I laughed. "None whatsoever,"

         "I'm Shawn."

         The rest is history. We've been dating for three months now and he's been incredible. There's no reason he shouldn't be my first, I've held out long enough. He pushes me down onto his twin bed and I work hard to ignore his spider man sheets. I feel his fingers tugging on the hem of my shirt and I know he's asking for my permission, I raise my hands over my head and he quickly pulls my red tee over my head. I throw my head back as he trails soft wet kisses down my neck and across my shoulder, trying to lose myself in the moment. He presses me into the mattress and I feel a small moments panic, but I push it down. I trail my hands up his sides and scratch my nails softly down his back, feeling his responding moan against my breast.

         I really do love him. Nobody makes me laugh like Shawn. Before I met him, I had no idea it could be this way. Love, that is. I'd been in a few relationships in high school, if you could even call them relationships. They mostly consisted of sweaty hand holding, awkward make out sessions in his dad's Toyota, and horrible break up scenes where he called a "cock tease" in front of the whole school. It only happens twice before you right off high school boys forever. College boys are different, at least Shawn is. I think we've been to every art gallery in the state. Arts not really my thing, but Shawn loves it. We walk through dimly lit rooms filled with century old paintings and I half listen to him ramble on about the meaning. Mostly, I just look at him. He's a masterpiece all his own, all my own, At least for now.

         I'm brought back to the present with a crash when I feel his fingers at the button on my jeans. It's rising in my throat, the panic. Or is it vomit? I can't tell. Breathe. Just breathe, I tell myself.

         "Evie?" It's only as I open my eyes that I realize how tightly they were squeezed shut. Shawn looks concerned, but still, I can see the irritation in his blue eyes. All of a sudden, the door flies open and Shawn's dorm mate stumbles in, laughing loudly.

         "DUDE!" Shawn yells angrily, jumping up. I use the distraction to grab my shirt off the floor and pull it on. "What the hell, Brad? The sock was on the door knob."

         "Sorry, bro. Don't mind me, I won't remember anything in the morning anyway." He slurred, flopping across his own twin bed, which sported batman sheets.

         I scrambled around the room, scooping up my flip flops and my purse before making a bolt for the still open door. I heard Shawn calling my name behind me, but I didn't stop. If there was one thing I could do, it was run. I hit the stairs, glancing back in case Shawn was following, and plowed right into something hard and distinctly human. My purse went flying and it's contents emptied themselves down the stair case.

         "Damn it." I groaned, dropping to my knees and reaching for my battered cell phone. The person I crashed into dropped down next to me and began scooping up my belongings and stuffing them back in my purse. "I'm sorry, I wasn't looking-"

         "Hey, don't worry about it." He said easily, standing up and offering his hand to me. I looked up, and froze. This guy was huge. He had to be at least a half a foot taller than my five foot, six inch frame. Our eyes met, and suddenly, he looked concerned. "Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?" He pulled me to my feet and gently brushed his thumb across my cheek, removing a tear I hadn't known was there.

         "I'm fine." I squeaked, taking a quick step back. I still had to tilt my head to meet his gaze. "Thank you for your help." I turn to go, embarrassed beyond reason.

         "I'm Eli." He grins, shaking his dark hair out of his eyes and stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Where I come from, we introduce ourselves to the people we nearly trample to death."

         Something about this kind stranger puts me at ease and I find myself grinning back. "I'm-" My phone vibrates in my palm, and I glance down at Shawn's contact picture. "I'm sorry." I jump the last few stairs and push open the heavy steel door that leads to CMUs grounds. I take a deep breath of cool night air and start my long walk home, trying not to think about what might be hiding in the dark. My phone continues to vibrate in my pocket.