Dance in the Shadows

It was a time of free love, flower power and music. It was an age of questions and war. Many would see the sixties as a time of turmoil. Jinx knew it as a time of survival. Children of that era did not have many laws to protect them or save them from the monster in their own homes. Some survived, some did not. This is Jinx’s story of survival and loss, sorrow and joy. There are worse things than that which goes bump in the night. Would you be able to live this life and come out the other side?





Dance in the Shadows





Chapter 1: My Name is Jay-Jay

Sept 1967



         I think they made school for kids like me. We were the throw away kids. We were the kids who had no business being alive according to our parents. We were the ones who found relief from the everyday horrors of home life by going to school.

         I looked forward to the first day of kindergarten even as I feared it. I would be away from Mama’s all seeing eyes, but I did not know much about the new world of school. I kept my pleasure to myself. If Mama knew I was going to enjoy it, she would have found a way to keep me home. Happiness in my life did not exist.

         I remember as we walked into Mrs. Ross’s home room that day, I hid behind Mama. I felt excited and terrified, and my knees shook a little. I had never had a playmate or much contact with other kids except for church. A shyness I did not know I had made itself known that day. It pleased Mama that I was afraid; it seemed to make her happy. She dragged me from behind her and put me in an empty chair near the middle of the class room. Mama smiled tightly at the teacher and exchanged a few words with her. She turned to glare at me before she left the room. I knew she did not want me to go to school, but Daddy had insisted.

         “It’s the law Rosie; I would not be doing my job if I let you break the law.”

         Mama was sitting at the kitchen table at the time with her arms folded and her lips down turned. She did not answer daddy as she glared at me. Later, I overheard her tell Daddy that she wanted to home school me. Daddy just growled at her. Mama had only gone as far as eighth grade, how could she home school anyone.

         

         I swallowed hard as I looked around at my surroundings. There was so much to look at; it made my head dizzy. Mama allowed me to watch kid programs on the television one hour a day. I recognized the ABC’s that lined the top of a wall near the ceiling. Cut out animals played around the lower walls. There were cubby holes and coat hooks, mats and pillows. A loud bell rang, and suddenly there were other children piling into the room. They skipped, laughed and talked as they crowded around their desks. A second bell rang outside the door; kids rushed to find their seats. I could not move, so amazed was I by all the noise. My heart pounded hard in my chest as the other children sat down.

         Mrs. Ross clapped her hands together; the room became silent. She smiled as she took a sheet of paper from her desk and started to read names. She told us to reply here or present as she read them out. It was not long before she came to my name. She did not read my name out as I waited my turn to whisper “present”.

         “There must be a mistake in spelling. Is there a Jinx Joelee Monroe here?”

         “Present,” I whispered, a quiver in my voice. Mrs. Ross looked over at me.

         “Your name is Jinx, honey?”

         “Yes Mrs. Ross,” I replied.

         She stared down at the paper once more. Mrs. Ross was silent for a few minutes before she continued down the list. When she finished what she said was a roll call, Mrs. Ross set the paper on her desk and walked toward where I sat. I flinched as she squatted down beside my chair. A strange look crossed her face as I straightened up.

         “Jinx, do you mind if we all just called you by your initials?”

         I was a smart child for I knew what initials meant. I did not understand why she would want to use them. She must have seen the question on my face for she rushed to explain herself.

         “I think it would be easier for the other children if we could call you Jay-Jay.”

         I looked Mrs. Ross in the eye then. I smiled a little as I nodded my head yes. I did not tell her that my mama named me that for a reason. I was just pure bad luck.

         From then on I would be called Jay-Jay by the other kids and teachers at school. It was months before Mama found out about it and demanded a conference with the teacher. I do not know what was said that day between Mama and Mrs. Ross. I got a beaten when she came home, but I got to keep the name.

         

         A new world had opened up for me when I became old enough to go to school. I made friends even though I could not go to their house or them to mine. For some reason, it did not matter. My name was Jay-Jay Monroe, and I had friends.

         

         School was heaven for me; I learned fast and loved every moment of it. I was free for a few hours a day and did not have to look over my shoulder all the time. For the first time in my life, I found comfort in other people. Marie Lane became my best friend. Marie was so pretty, with her long curly blonde hair and bright blue eyes. When she laughed, which was a lot, everyone laughed with her. I was the quiet one while Marie was chatty and fun. She would sit and braid my long dark brown hair at recess. I listened closely for I did not know a home like Marie’s existed. They all loved each other. Marie said she wished her eyes were green like mine. I thought she just said that to be nice. After all, Mama said I was not a pretty girl at all. She said people were nice to me only because they felt sorry for me.

         I remember one day; a lady had come up to us in the grocery store. She had a gentle smile that reached her eyes. I had never seen eyes smile before.

         “What a pretty little thing. You have such large beautiful eyes.” She reached out and touched my hair. “I wish I had hair like yours.”

         Mama moved to stand in front of me with a tight smile on her mouth. I knew that smile. I had seen it so many times before. It was not a “good things are going happen” smile. So I looked down at my feet and tried to become smaller.

         “Thank you,” she said coldly to the woman.

         She reached out behind her, jerked my arm and marched away from the woman. I looked back at the lovely lady who had a sad frown on her face.

         “You do not need to get too full of yourself Jinx. That woman only said that to be nice. She realized you were not much to look at and just wanted to make you feel good.”

         “Daddy says I’m pretty Mama.” I should have kept my mouth shut.

         I told Mrs. Ross the next day that I ran into the bedroom door. I did not think she believed me, but she did not ask again.



         Halfway into the school year, Mrs. Ross made an announcement. She clapped her hands to get the kids attention to the front of the room.

         “Class, I want to introduce a new student.”

         We all looked at the boy standing by her side. His hair was as dark as mine with dark eyes to match. He had glanced quickly around the room before his eyes lit on me, then he grinned. I knew, even at the age of 6, this boy would be my friend. The kindness in his eyes was hard to miss.

         “This is Johnny Mclean. He is from New York. Say good-morning to John, children. I expect everyone will get better acquainted at recess.”

         I shivered when she led him to the empty desk in the row of seats next to mine.

         “Hello, where did you get the shiner?” He whispered across the aisle to me as Mrs. Ross walked back to her desk.

         I did not answer as Mrs. Ross started to speak about drawing within the lines. This shiner came from knocking heads with the dog. We did not have a dog. I just shrugged my shoulders and turned my attention back to the teacher. I could see him out of the corner of my eye. He stared at me before he faced forward.

         At recess, Johnny found me out on the playground where I sat on the grass while Marie braided my hair. Marie was talking a mile a minute before she realized I did not hear her anymore. She jerked my braid a little as she looked to where my eyes had gone. She giggled before she whispered in my ear.

         “Put your eyes back in your head Jay-Jay, it is embarrsin.”

         “What does embarrsin mean?”

         “Don’t know; it is what my Mom says to my Dad when we eat out. He turns red when she says it to him.”

         Johnny walked over to us as if he had been doing it all year long. He sat down beside Marie on the grass and leaned back on his hands. I waited, with my back to them, for him to speak. He did not. I finally looked back over my shoulder to see him stare at me.

         “You know my name, so what’s yours?” He waved his hand in the air as he said, “The teacher called you Jay-Jay; is that your real name?”

         Marie giggled again but said nothing, which was unusual for her. I turned my back to both of them. I knew my face had turned red, and I did not want him to see.

         “Jinx Joelee Monroe,” I whispered as I rushed to get the words out of my mouth.

         I hunched my shoulders and waited for him to laugh at me. My name had never bothered me like that before. The laughter did not come, and Marie no longer giggled. She had asked me once about my name.  I was not nice to her when I said I was bad luck to whoever was around me. That day she got seven stitches in her chin when she slipped and fell while she pushed me in the swing. Marie never talked about my name again.

         Silence fell between the three of us. I was ready to turn back around and glare at him when he said,

         “Cool, I like it.”

         I did turn around then; he was on his back on the grass, arms under his head as he stared at the sky. Marie looked at me and shrugged her shoulders. Johnny started to grin and whistle from between his teeth. Slowly, his head turned my way, and then he winked.

         From that day on, we three stuck together at school. Mrs. Ross called us Thick as thieves. She said it with a smile, so I knew it was not a terrible thing. Kindergarten has turned out to be the best place on earth. The school days filled with laughter, and for a while, I was able to forget what waited for me at home. Johnny would tell Marie and I the silliest jokes and regale us with life in New York. We put his terrible jokes down to the fact that he was a boy, and that was what boys did. New York sounded like somewhere I would like to see someday.

         The days flew by, and summer vacation came. I would be alone without my best friends, but worst of all; I would be alone with Mama all day. I figure being in the hospital most of that summer was best for me.