red pain

She knew she was driving like mad, but she couldn’t stop.

The tears were streaming freely now, down her face and she didn’t even care.

Why couldn’t she stop loving him? His love was poison, it was killing her slowly, the silent killer.

And yet she loved him more than ever.

Celine dions “all by myself” was playing in the background. She would listen to it every day ,just to remind herself  that ,that is what she is going to be for the rest of her life: a madly in love woman ,all by herself.

She needed to stop crying. Damn she was used to this, being ignored, yelled at and always being second best, or not being there at all…

Her tears turned into sobs and she took one of her hands off the steering wheel, to muffle her cries. she didn’t want to hear her own vulnerability.

And in a second she suddenly knew what to do. she felt like a burden to herself  , and to him .He was a grieving widower, and she was like the annoying student with a crush on her teacher .she knew he saw the hurt and the pain inside her eyes, as her friend it probably hurt him too. She was causing pain and sorrow every where she went.

The world would do fine without her.

With that thought she slowly took her hand off the wheel, closed her eyes and thought of him, for the last time. She thought about his smile, the way the sunlight shone on those angelic curls, the puppy look he sometimes gave her …and she smiled, before it was all over…