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I've always felt... Never 100% one, always a mix... The third child rattles it's cage... |
I feel the three pins that stabs me One to the head One to the green mark in the middle One enters me completely I can feel it moving wriggling around Wanting out of the green cage I built around to hide my shame for it A he? A she? No... Both. I sit alone innocently playing with me... No-one wants me to play cars or Dolls I want both Never one or the other. When mother leaves for clothes I wanted pink... Sometimes Sometimes Blue ... Sometimes green The first five percent began to creep in. She laughs Trying to hide the shame that her pin hears heats trying to hover over the skin. I hear... it again Screaming at me to accept it as it rattles the bars even then at that young age I KNEW I was different I wanted to be both... Both boisterous... But kind Dirty after playing in the mud... But happy to clean up Understand them both... But all I get is laughs... Still... The third one looks me in my eyes... Smiles, then spits at me. Laughs... Makes me cry, knowing it is unique, only to me... Ten percent grows larger... Over time... I progressed to hide myself I grew... Half one... Half the other... It laughed for years... I could hear the bars begin to crumble... I constantly glued them together... But it never fully worked. The shawls I sewed together never lasted forever... It became harder to hear the grinding... Constant grinding Grinding that shook my certain enlarged bones that excited into fifteen cold digits that kept growing because of the grinding I heard inside me. Now what? I know Twenty will appear soon... But it told me from the campfire that it would stop then... I could invade more of me. But i'm nice it said as it spat out the bones it chewed That's all I want... What can I do? Can I give them what they want? ... But I realise... I want this corruption... This imperfection I craved the rejection to hide the revaccination of my discrimination. Of the criminalisation this nation Placed on my torn and twisted body I do not want to see. |