A monologue about how hard it is to get ahead these days. |
I Need to Get Ahead I need to get ahead! Your head would do nicely! My head is defective so a transplant is required. Would three o'clock tomorrow be good for you? It's rather hard to find heads just laying around now-a-days, and you never know if a stray head could be defective. Your head would satisfy my need, since I consider you to be quite intelligent! Of course, I would never expect to request someone's head without offering one in return, so I am willing to exchange heads with you in the form of a trade and some added monetary payment. My head, although defective, is still quite useable, since I have only been diagnosed with a mild case of schizophrenia. I would be willing to part with an insane amount of money in exchange for the use of your head, especially since I am a man and you are a woman! The fact is, I'm very tired of having to shave every day. With your head, I might be inclined to kiss the mirror, but I am willing to exchange cleaning the mirror, for the task of shaving. Besides that, it would be amusing to see the astonished look on a suitor's face, when he realizes that I'm not what he expected! I happen to know a very accomplished surgeon, Dr. Victor Frankenstein. Shall I give him a call? I assure you, he's quite accomplished! "Hello, Dr. Frankenstein, are you available tomorrow for a rather lengthy surgery? I have a slight problem that needs your fine skills".... |